All you ever hear in these rankings is me yapping on, so to spare you (at least in small portion), I’ve decided to give the power back to the people. Today we’re going to highlight your own takes on your performance. And, for the most part, you were pretty grounded in reality. For the most part.
You all are an interesting bunch. I’m an economy-driven person. I’m a firm believer in finding market equilibrium between supply and demand. Well, maybe not super firm - after all, nobody asked me to make power rankings. But there seems to be a little bit of a demand. Therefore, I supply. But, I’ve got to say, you all (the market) have shown your non-Gen Z colors: the demand for creative graphics seems to be at an all-time low. So, we’ll stick to the script and stick to, well, script.
Read ‘em and weep.
2025 WEEK 5 RANKINGS
Trying to Establish Themselves
1.
Jets Jets Jets
Current Record: (5-3, 3rd)
Week 5 Rank: 3 (+2)
Y! Draft Grade: A+
Y! Projected Record: (11-3)
Manager: Tim Cook
Years in League: 17
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)
Jets Jets Jets manager, Tim Cook, assessing team performance in a quote to Elite Fantasy League reporter, Guy Sallimore:
“Even across the pond [the Jets] offense couldn’t even top 100 yards. How many more games to the 1st pick in the draft so we can pick Mark Sanchez again? He has more on his resume now: stabbing. In a Fantasy League, I can build a team and call them the Jets but only have one Jet player on my team so that I can win more than I lose. Riding a good streak now. Next up: 2nd place head-to-head matchup.”
Look, I know it doesn’t look like a #1 team. But dang-it, since Week 4 Jets Jets Jets has only scored less than 118 points once. Ain’t nobody else in the league doing that!
Mahomes has quietly been great, Kelce has had his moments, McConkey is back on top of the WR depth chart in LAC and Brian Thomas Jr. just got the best news of the year - his entire WR room is hurt besides him. With a decent Bijan, Breece Hall and Kenneth Walker, who’s to say this team can’t make some noise? It’s been a decade since Jets Jets Jets last won the EFL. Is the year to break the dry-spell? Another win this week over #10 ThrowUpThe X would all but solidify a playoff spot for Jets Jets Jets with 5 weeks to go.
2.
Ruthlessberger
Current Record: (7-1, 1st)
Week 5 Rank: 4 (+2)
Y! Draft Grade: D
Y! Projected Record: (3-11)
Manager: Ian Svendsen
Years in League: 9
Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)
Guy Sallimore, EFL reporter, reached out to Ruthlessberger manager, Ian Svendsen, for comment following EFL’s Week 5 edition of the power rankings. The response:
“Bro same! It’s gonna be crazy. I don’t think it’s going to fully hit me until the day she’s born!”
We’re going to assume that was a “sorry, wp” text. But also, congrats to Ruthlessberger, who will likely still be #1 in the Elite Fantasy League when he welcomes his first-born to the world in about two weeks.
The wins just keep coming. And who cares how they come? 7-1 is 7-1, and it is all but a lock for a top seed in the playoffs. For a team that was projected to only win 3 games this season, Ruthlessberger has shown that they haven’t won two titles in this league out of nowhere. If Joe Flacco can keep balling while Purdy sits, and if D’Andre Swift isn’t out too long… maybe a few more wins can lead Ruthlessberger to a #1 seed draw.
3.
Nick’s Fury
Current Record: (5-3, 4th)
Week 5 Rank: 6 (-3)
Y! Draft Grade: C+
Y! Projected Record: (7-7)
Manager: Nick Gosney
Years in League: 7
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)
Nick Gosney, manager of Nick’s Fury spoke to EFL reporter, Guy Sallimore after the Week 5 edition of the power rankings:
“Look, we always come out to play hard. And we always look for ways to motivate the guys. And we try not to put too much stock into what the pundits say and just stay focused on our goals. But to get ranked below a team who can’t beat a winless team and to beat the last undefeated team… I guess the writers of these rankings will have more to discuss on Tuesday.”
You think those britches are big? One week later:
“Ruthlessberger and ThrowUpThe X OVER ME?!?!?!” (Said like Jimmy Butler after the Heat beat the 76ers)
But, after a Week 8 loss to Ruthlessberger head-to-head:
“Proverbs 16:18. The britches may have been a size too large.”
Indeed they were, Mr. Gosney. Indeed they were. But only one size too big, because at the end of the day, the team has been playing well, and outside of a loss to Ruthlessberger, has earned a rise in the ranks, with 6 straight weeks scoring 100+.
Trying to Break Out of .500
4.
Pewter Pirates
Current Record: (4-4, 6th)
Week 5 Rank: 8 (+4)
Y! Draft Grade: D-
Y! Projected Record: (2-12)
Manager: Sy Gallimore
Years in League: 17
Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)
EFL reporter Guy Sallimore reached out to Sy Gallimore, manager of Pewter Pirates for quote following the release of the Week 5 power rankings:
“Listen, I’m not going to say I’m surprised, but I’m also not going to say that I really think this squad is the 8th best team in the league. I mean we’ve got guys. They’re injured, but we’ve got ‘em. And yes, I know we were only projected 2 wins on the year. But since when do we listen to Yahoo? This isn’t 2004. We’ll be back.”
Sure enough, Pewter Pirates is back. Finally, some wins to go along with all of the points! Pewter Pirates have outscored the league, but are only now making it back to .500. Not having Jayden Daniels at their disposal has been a lone hiccup since losing Malik Nabers. And while that may seem like stacking one big deal on top of another, Pewter Pirates have had a consistent running game paving the way to its scoring booms. One or two more division wins will land Pewter Pirates on top of Division 1.
5.
Butt Fumble
Current Record: (4-4, 2nd [Division 1 leader])
Week 5 Rank: 9 (+4)
Y! Draft Grade: B
Y! Projected Record: (10-4)
Manager: Austin Owen
Years in League: 12
Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)
EFL reporter, Guy Sallimore, reached out to Butt Fumble manager, Austin Owen, for comment following EFL’s Week 5 edition of the power rankings. Sallimore only received a thumbs-up.
Was the thumbs up sarcastic given the team’s 76-point performance in Week 6? Or was it speaking to Butt Fumble knowing that everything was going to be A-OK in the long-run?
Weeks 7 and 8 have been a confidence booster for Butt Fumble, who now look to get Lamar Jackson and Puka Nacua back. No longer will the team have to rely on Kayshon Boutte to lead the WR corps (though, he did fill in much more admirably than his name would imply). With a 3-2 record within Division 1, Butt Fumble has risen to the top of the division and snagged its coveted #2 seed label. How long will Butt Fumble be able to fend off the rest of the division? Time will tell.
6.
Stevie Kicks
Current Record: (5-3, 5th)
Week 5 Rank: 2 (-4)
Y! Draft Grade: B+
Y! Projected Record: (8-6)
Manager: Stevie Collins
Years in League: 2
Best Finish: N/A
Stevie Collins, manager of Stevie Kicks, when speaking to EFL reporter Guy Sallimore about the Week 5 power rankings:
“Everyone on the squad has picked up the slack where we need it, although I’m not sure how long we can keep up the pace. One game at a time, and one lucky break at a time.”
The lucky breaks have started slowing the past three weeks, as Stevie Kicks has limped to three-straight sub-100 performances. The worst part is not having a direct place to turn for answers, with essentially the entire roster outside of Drake Maye struggling to get to 10 points on a given week. There’s talent on the roster, but, by my count, at least 5 of the consistent starters for this offense are on teams with lackluster QB play. It’s hard to feel good about what you’re going to get week to week from any of them right now.
Trying to Get to .500
7.
Golden Boy
Current Record: (3-5, 8th)
Week 5 Rank: 10 (+3)
Y! Draft Grade: C
Y! Projected Record: (7-7)
Manager: Kyler Stock
Years in League: 4
Best Finish: 3rd (2023)
EFL reporter, Guy Sallimore, reached out to Golden Boy manager, Kyler Stock, for comment following EFL’s Week 5 edition of the power rankings. Nobody from the Golden Boy camp returned any requests for comment.
Shut up and ball out. That’s what Golden Boy apparently turned to after our last rankings. A team that was 0-5 has failed to show up for any press conferences, instead opting to put their heads down and get to work. And get to work they have. Golden Boy has completely resurrected their season, reeling off 3-straight victories while averaging 125 points per game. Losing Cam Skattebo is painful, especially with Saquon being on BYE in Week 9, but, in the words of Bronco legend Russell Wilson, “Bronco Nation, Let’s Ride!”
8.
Sweet Carolina
Current Record: (3-5, 7th)
Week 5 Rank: 1 (-7)
Y! Draft Grade: A+
Y! Projected Record: (12-2)
Manager: Michael Schultz
Years in League: 5
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2024)
EFL reporter, Guy Sallimore, received a delayed response from Sweet Carolina manager, Michael Schultz, regarding Week 5’s edition of the power rankings:
“Extremely shocked and proud of being ranked at #1, just to lose the following week.”
Sweet Carolina foresaw what was coming. Three straight losses - including last week’s backbreaking 1 point loss to Jets Jets Jets - have shot Sweet Carolina down the standings. The team is by no means terrible, but with Mike Evans going down for a second time, Carson Wentz creating an anemic offense for Jettas to work in, and Chuba Hubbard/Rico Dowdle sharing carries, there’s a lot less juice than there has been throughout the season thus far.
It has Jonathan Taylor looking around the Sweet Carolina locker room like:
9.
Turn down for Watt
Current Record: (3-5, 9th)
Week 5 Rank: 7 (-2)
Y! Draft Grade: D+
Y! Projected Record: (4-10)
Manager: Joshuwa Shelton
Years in League: 11
Best Finish: 3rd (2018)
Turn down for Watt manager, Joshuwa Shelton, after being asked if he had any reaction to the EFL’s Week 5 rankings:
“Accurate. Just put [us] at the bottom. [We’re] free-falling.”
We might have just found rock bottom. After being #1 in the rankings after Week 3, it’s been a precipitous fall for Turn down for Watt, who now sports the lowest Points For total in the league. Week 8… I actually feel bad talking about Week 8… You see, Jalen Hurts scored 25.36 points. The rest of the team scored 25.90 points. I’m not a betting analyst, but I can say with complete confidence that it’s hard to win games with 51.56 points.
Turn down for Watt just needs to shake it off, hope for more Week 7 performances, and try to push past Yahoo’s original 4-win projection for the season, which, looks much more ominous than it did a few weeks ago.
Trying to Finish 9th
10.
ThrowUpThe X
Current Record: (1-7, 10th)
Week 5 Rank: 5 (-5)
Y! Draft Grade: D+
Y! Projected Record: (6-8)
Manager: RD Gallant
Years in League: 16
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)
Guy Sallimore, reporting for EFL, as heard from ThrowUpThe X manager, RD Gallant:
“I appreciated the generous power ranking standings even though I am at the bottom of the league. Unfortunately, most weeks haven’t gone my way despite some high scoring performances. I think my team needs to watch some film and learn how to finish games.”
I guess the film room projector broke. The team has not learned how to finish games. In fact, after 8 games of much of the same, it’s hard to remember what it was like the one time ThrowUpThe X actually did win a game. Not only that, but with Golden Boy going on his sudden tear, ThrowUpThe X finds themselves at least two games behind everybody. That puts them in sole-contention for the John Porta trophy. ThrowUpThe X already has stockpiled the runner-up trophy over the years. The last thing they want to start is a new collection.