2023 POWER RANKINGS - Week 8
And just like that, with two more games under our belts, the regular season of Year 15 is more than half over.
If that didn’t leave you with any sense of shock, it should. For some of you, that means you have 6 games left to figure out the roster you want to take with you into the playoffs in pursuit of Fauxbardi XV. For a couple of you, that means you have 6 games left to figure out how to avoid getting the John Porta trophy.
Hero Teams of the past two weeks: Turn down for Watt, Run CMC, Pewter Pirates
Zero Teams of the past two weeks: Johnny Baseball, Butt Fumble, Jets Jets Jets
Results are in - Read ‘em and weep.
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1.
Turn down for Watt (6-2) Y! Draft Grade: B Week 6 Rank: 4 (+3)
Manager: Joshuwa Shelton
Years in League: 9
Best Finish: 3rd (2018)
LeBron stood at mid-court at the ESPN Wide World of Sports in Walt Disney World. It was 2020. He and his new team, the Los Angeles Lakers, had just won the NBA title. LeBron, half-stir-crazy from living in a bubble for a couple of months, picked up a microphone, and, to a row of empty chairs holding monitors with Zoom-call fans cheering, said, “We just want our respect. Rob wants his respect, Coach Vogel wants his respect, our organization wants its respect, Laker Nation wants their respect…and I want my damn respect, too.”
Turn down for Watt sits on top of our power rankings, boasting a record that is tied for league-best, a Points For that is essentially tied for league-best, and has had a couple of performances in a row that were unequivocally league-best.
It’s time they get their damn respect, too.
I won’t lie: I still have my misgivings about the viability of this roster going the distance. But, after Week 8, someone will have to assert themselves as more worthy than Turn down for Watt as #1. And until then, they will remain.
Week 8 was a microcosm of just how dangerous this team can be. Sure, they’ve had two duds this season, but since Week 4, Turn down for Watt has scored 177, 112, 105, and 140. And that’s the makings of a nice trend.
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2.
Ruthlessberger (5-3) Y! Draft Grade: A+
Week 6 Rank: 2 (-)
Manager: Ian Svendsen
Years in League: 7
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2022)
It’s not that Ruthlessberger did anything particularly great to stay at #2 in these rankings, they just didn’t do anything worse than the teams below them.
Week 7 was a good showing - 119 points despite getting 0 from D.K. Metcalf and only 5 points from Kupp. The rest of the team went OFF, displaying the firepower on Ruthlessberger’s roster.
Week 8 was particularly ghastly for Ruthlessberger, who had their worst outing of the season with just 66 points. The combination of all Ruthlessberger pass catchers (Kupp, Nico Collins, D.K. Metcalf and Dalles Goedert) scored a grand total of 15 points between the 4 of them. Jason Sanders (the kicker) scored as many as any individual skill player not named Saquon Barkley. Jason Sanders had only 7 points.
The good news is, this seems to be just an anomaly. Ruthlessberger’s last game that was even remotely close to as bad as Week 8 was in Week 1. So, if Ruthlessberger can go another 7 weeks before another dismal game, they should be great until Week 1 of the playoffs. 👀
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3.
Sweet Carolina (4-4) Y! Draft Grade: D
Week 6 Rank: 3 (-)
Manager: Michael Schultz
Years in League: 3
Best Finish: 3rd (2021)
Sweet Carolina had a bad week in Week 8 and still managed 98 points. That’s probably all I need to say about this team for you to understand how I feel about them.
However, just for the sake of repeating myself every single power rankings, following Turn down for Watt’s 140 points against Sweet Carolina in Week 8, Sweet Carolina’s misfortune in Points Against is somehow an even wider gap than it was two weeks ago.
Sweet Carolina could use a win and has a winnable matchup against Golden Boy this week, but each week Golden Boy gets more punchy, and there should be some fear that their 140-point week in Week 8 might be repeatable.
So, in the spirit of repeating myself: I said it once and I’ll say it again, if this team can catch some luck, it could be a championship-caliber squad.
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4.
Run CMC (6-2) Y! Draft Grade: B-
Week 6 Rank: 1 (-3)
Manager: Nick Gosney
Years in League: 5
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)
The Greatest Show on Turf needs a wellness retreat.
You know how high I’ve been on this team, but the last few weeks just haven’t been what the first 4 were.
In fact, just to illustrate how dominant the first 4 weeks were, Run CMC has not scored 100 points in 4 straight weeks but still leads the league in Points For.
Quite impressive. Despite the low scoring over the last 4 weeks, Run CMC has managed to go 2-2 over that stretch. Alas, with Kyren Williams, and James Conner on IR, Lamar Jackson being a little boom-or-bust, and the WRs being more pedestrian than usual the team has become increasingly reliant on Christian McCaffrey to save them.
Run CMC may need to change their name to Run, Catch, and Pass CMC until they can get healthy again.
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5.
Pewter Pirates (4-4) Y! Draft Grade: A+
Week 6 Rank: 7 (+2)
Manager: Sy Gallimore
Years in League: 15
Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)
Hopes of finishing 10-4 as originally planned are still alive…barely.
There’s a bit of fraudlency here. You see, Week 8 by all accounts should have been a drubbing of lowly Butt Fumble. Original projections showed a 30-point win as the highest probability. However, over the course of the weekend, things went quite poorly. All of a sudden, Butt Fumble had a 89% chance of winning going into Sunday night’s game.
Pewter Pirates had Josh Jacobs and a 10-point gap to cover. Butt Fumble had Davante Adams and Jakobi Meyers and a 10-point hedge.
But then, for lack of a better term, Jimmy Garoppolo butt fumbled. Things went poorly enough for the Raiders passing game on Sunday night that the GM, head coach, and offensive coordinator were fired Tuesday.
Davante Adams and Jakobi Meyers each had just one catch the entire game. On the flip side, Josh Jacobs had 80 all-purpose yards and a TD. So, Pewter Pirates won a game they had no business winning…after having every business winning.
Now, again, we have to take the Taylor Swift effect into account. We all know that there is no way the Broncos beat the Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce combine for 12 points without there being a curse or something. It’s just not possible. So outside of that anomaly, this game, and every game, should be in much better shape for Pewter Pirates, who seem to have found their groove with 2 straight wins to get back to .500.
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6.
ThrowUpThe X (5-3) Y! Draft Grade: B-
Week 6 Rank: 6 (-)
Manager: RD Gallant
Years in League: 14
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)
Nobody had more of a rollercoaster two weeks as ThrowUpThe X.
Week 7 was much of the same as weeks 1-6, but somehow even worse. Not only did ThrowUpThe X score under 100, but in some ways, they were lucky to get more than 50. The entire team was awful except for Jahmyr Gibbs, whose 19 points represented one third of the team’s total production for the week.
But then, ThrowUpThe X followed that up with their best performance of the season in Week 8 - a 136-point explosion that one-upped Johnny Baseball’s 119-point performance. The funny part? It was still Dak, LaPorta, the Defense, and the Kicker coming up big for ThrowUpThe X. But this time, Jahmyr Gibbs, Ekeler, and Davonte Smith decided to join the fun.
For ThrowUpThe X, there has to be some excitement in knowing that a good week is possible. Now, we just need to see if it can be replicated.
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7.
Johnny Baseball (4-4) Y! Draft Grade: D
Week 6 Rank: 5 (-2)
Manager: Chad Holcombe
Years in League: 1
Best Finish: N/A
Week 7 made me sick to my stomach.
Johnny Baseball had not one, but two receivers on bye week & one RB on IR, and failed to update their lineup before taking on Sweet Carolina.
They still would have lost the game - the final spread was 31, and their bench would’ve gotten them 25, but even still, there is NO way to move up in rankings if you’re not even setting your lineup on a given week.
Then Week 8 came. Johnny Baseball updated their lineups (yay?) and had their first truly great showing from CeeDee Lamb to pace the team to a 119-point total, which would have beaten any other team in the league. However, they were matching up with ThrowUpThe X, who had their best outing of the season. So, Johnny Baseball dropped back-to-back games, and dropped two places in our Power Rankings along with it.
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8.
Golden Boy (2-6) Y! Draft Grade: D- Week 6 Rank: 8 (-)
Manager: Kyler Stock
Years in League: 2
Best Finish: 6th (2022)
Golden Boy has been this close to making noise in the league this year.
Week 7 must have been tough to swallow. Golden Boy had done enough to beat the suddenly vulnerable Run CMC.
That’s when Bijan Robinson happened. Bijan Robinson - the electric rookie out of Alabama. Bijan Robinson - hoping to lead the league in yards. Bijan Robinson - whose worst game of the year was a 6 point outing in Week 3. Bijan Robinson… who mustered just 3 yards against Tampa Bay. That’s correct - though he had a projected 12.75 points, he finished the week with 0.3 points.
So, Golden Boy lost to Run CMC by 2.7 points. Bad beat.
But, Golden Boy went and took all of his frustration out on Jets Jets Jets (what’s new?) and scored 141 points. Not that you need 141 points against Jets Jets Jets, but at least it feels good.
We’ll see if Golden Boy can solidify their spot in the playoffs over the next 6 weeks, but this team certainly feels more well-rounded than the two below in these rankings.
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9.
Butt Fumble (2-6) Y! Draft Grade: D
Week 6 Rank: 9 (-)
Manager: Austin Owen
Years in League: 10
Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)
Butt Fumble predictably lost in Week 7 & 8. But it was how Butt Fumble lost in Week 8 that will be the focus of this blurb.
Butt Fumble went into Monday night with a shocking 10-point lead over Pewter Pirates. Along with their 10-point lead, Butt Fumble had Davante Adams and Jakobi Meyers still to play. Pewter Pirates had only Josh Jacobs.
In other words, Pewter Pirates was looking for something of a miracle in order to come back and win.
So, call it a miracle, I guess. Josh Jacobs had more yards than Jimmy G had passing, and managed the only offensive touchdown. Davante Adams and Jakobi Meyers were held to just one catch each, and Butt Fumble watched as his lead crumbled. Pewter Pirates managed to steal the win by just 3 points.
Now that’s a bad beat. Maybe that’s what we should be expecting from here on out.
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10.
Jets Jets Jets (2-6) Y! Draft Grade: C-
Week 6 Rank: 10 (-)
Manager: Tim Cook
Years in League: 15
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)
There isn’t a whole lot to say here.
To their credit, Jets Jets Jets had their second-best outing of the season in Week 8. Unfortunately for Jets Jets Jets, their second-best outing is just 93 points, and they still managed to lose by 50 to Golden Boy, who caught Jets Jets Jets in the standings to officially drop them to 10th (where they probably should have been some time ago).
Jets Jets Jets are still tied for the final playoff spot, but with such a gap in points, they either have to pray to scrap out some wins, or hope the top teams become disenchanted with some star players and drop them to the waiver wire.
In other words, the John Porta trophy is essentially theirs.
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