I wasn’t going to put out a new edition of the Power Rankings until Week 6, but the last two weeks have flipped our last rankings on their head. It felt like my duty as commissioner to impose my opinion onto you sooner than later.
The problem was that I couldn’t quite put my finger on how I felt about us all without visualizing it first. So, without further ado, a first-of-its-kind power-rankings:
Read ‘em and weep.
2025 WEEK 5 RANKINGS
Far be it from me to determine whether you’re elite or not - the graphic allows you to decide for yourself.
…Who am I kidding? I absolutely will decide whether you’re elite or not. And spoiler: you're not. And yes, if you got to the end of the graphic, your not-being-elite is its own vicious cycle.
Let’s dive in.
Not Elite, But Currently Pretty Good
1.
Sweet Carolina
Current Record: (3-2, 4th)
Week 3 Rank: 8 (+7)
Y! Draft Grade: A+
Y! Projected Record: (12-2)
Manager: Michael Schultz
Years in League: 5
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2024)
Injury bug, injury shmug.
I’ve got a challenge for you: pull out some graph paper, grab a protractor and plot the point totals for Sweet Carolina each week. 99, 105, 106, 111, 148…that’s a trend I think we all can get behind. And, true to their namesake, it’s been Panthers RBs keeping Sweet Carolina at the century mark. Rico Dowdle’s 30 points in Week 5 launched him into Spot Week Waiver Pickup of the Year candidacy.
2.
Stevie Kicks
Current Record: (4-1, 2nd)
Week 3 Rank: 7 (+5)
Y! Draft Grade: B+
Y! Projected Record: (8-6)
Manager: Stevie Collins
Years in League: 2
Best Finish: N/A
Remember when Stevie Kicks scored 58 points in Week 1? Me neither. In the 4 weeks since, Stevie Kicks has averaged 117 points per game without Burrow and even managed their best scoring output of the season last week without Bucky Irving. So, make it four straight wins for Stevie Kicks, who don’t know who they’ll get points from each week but can rest easy knowing the points will somehow come all the same.
3.
Jets Jets Jets
Current Record: (3-2, 5th)
Week 3 Rank: 9 (+5)
Y! Draft Grade: A+
Y! Projected Record: (11-3)
Manager: Tim Cook
Years in League: 17
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)
Jets Jets Jets apparently held a players-only meeting after my last rankings, because after calling out the aerial attack for its lackluster start to the season the group has put on a show in weeks 4 and 5. Mahomes has had a resurgent couple of weeks from a fantasy prospective and spot booms from DK Metcalf & Calvin Ridley, plus a more balanced Ladd McConkey and Brian Thomas Jr., have allowed Jets Jets Jets to run a 120-point pace over the last two weeks. Next week, a team staving off injuries to any of their key players gets Bijan Robinson back from bye. Jets Jets Jets is getting hot.
4.
Ruthlessberger
Current Record: (5-0, 1st)
Week 3 Rank: 2 (-2)
Y! Draft Grade: D
Y! Projected Record: (3-11)
Manager: Ian Svendsen
Years in League: 9
Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)
A win is a win is a win is a win is a win. At 5-0, we’re not discriminating. Or maybe we are, because Ruthlessberger drops two spots in the rankings without losing a game. It’s just that two wins this season have come while scoring in the 80s, including last week’s who-can-out-lose-their-opponent matchup with Pewter Pirates. And in a rankings of elite-ness, I’m not sure how high I can stomach slotting Ruthlessberger to this point in the season.
That said, while it’s not an overly impressive performance showing each week, Ruthlessberger has all but assured themselves a playoff spot with their spotless start.
5.
ThrowUpThe X
Current Record: (1-4, 9th)
Week 3 Rank: 5 (-1)
Y! Draft Grade: D+
Y! Projected Record: (6-8)
Manager: RD Gallant
Years in League: 16
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)
What does it take to get a win around here? Make that 4 of 5 weeks this season scoring 100+ points, including last week’s 133-point effort. Yet, only 1 win on the season?
A tough scheduling break for an otherwise top 4 team in the league has moved ThrowUpThe X into darkhorse territory for Fauxbardi XVII. To put it in perspective, ThrowUpThe X is so dominant that they have elite fantasy QB Daniel Jones on the bench!? I’m kidding. I think.
6.
Nick’s Fury
Current Record: (3-2, 6th)
Week 3 Rank: 3 (-3)
Y! Draft Grade: C+
Y! Projected Record: (7-7)
Manager: Nick Gosney
Years in League: 7
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)
Now that Omarion Hampton is on IR, the #startJKDobbins campaign can get into full swing. In all seriousness, as much as it sucks to lose the high upside of Hampton, Nick’s Fury is built for this, having 3 other legitimate starting RBs. In the meantime, though, losing Hampton leaves Nick’s Fury with just CMC as the main oh-man-this-guy-could-go-for-40-this-week player on the roster. That means Nick’s Fury might be a little more boring and just have to win games by being consistent. First world problems.
Find a Way to Lose Games
7.
Turn down for Watt
Current Record: (2-3, 2nd [Division 2 leader])
Week 3 Rank: 1 (-6)
Y! Draft Grade: D+
Y! Projected Record: (4-10)
Manager: Joshuwa Shelton
Years in League: 11
Best Finish: 3rd (2018)
Emeka Egbuka is one of the year fantasy stories of the year. Originally projected to slot as a WR 3 or 4 for Turn down for Watt has been the lone bright spot for the WR corps for weeks. Jahmyr Gibbs has been a consistent 15ppg. Deebo Samuel has had a couple of spot booms as well.
All of that to say, it hasn’t been all bad the last couple of weeks, but it has been all losses. Leading a division by 0.5 points with a losing record isn’t exactly riveting stuff, and with that, Turn down for Watt sees their Week 3 #1 ranking flit away.
8.
Pewter Pirates
Current Record: (2-3, 7th)
Week 3 Rank: 6 (-2)
Y! Draft Grade: D-
Y! Projected Record: (2-12)
Manager: Sy Gallimore
Years in League: 17
Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)
Projected points don’t always translate, huh? Play the hand you’re dealt. Don’t bother dreaming about how good Nabers could have been with Jaxson Dart or how much you wish you hadn’t had to start Russell Wilson and Geno Smith while Jayden Daniels recovered from injury. It’s not time for daydreams and excuses. It’s time for action. And so, I’d like to take the action of creating a time machine and picking up Rico Dowdle last week.
The good news is someone has to win the division and get the #2 seed, and Pewter Pirates is only 0.5 points out from that spot.
9.
Butt Fumble
Current Record: (2-3, 8th)
Week 3 Rank: 4 (-5)
Y! Draft Grade: B
Y! Projected Record: (10-4)
Manager: Austin Owen
Years in League: 12
Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)
Raise your hand if you went against everything inside of you as a Steelers fan and drafted two Baltimore Ravens stars to run your fantasy offense only to watch them crumble before your eyes, creating a weird dynamic where you’re kind of happy because the Ravens suck, but also kind of sad because your fantasy team has lost 3 in a row!
The Opposite of Elite
10.
Golden Boy
Current Record: (0-5, 10th)
Week 3 Rank: 10 (-)
Y! Draft Grade: C
Y! Projected Record: (7-7)
Manager: Kyler Stock
Years in League: 4
Best Finish: 3rd (2023)
The good: Golden Boy finally scored more than 80 each of the last two weeks. Bo Nix, Jaxon Smith-Njigba, and Drake London have settled into nice, consistent fantasy play. Cam Skattebo is now taking the bulk of the carries in New York.
The bad: Chase Brown still is on a sucky offense that now turns to Joe Flacco. Tyreek is gone for the year. Saquon has rushed for less than 50 yards three times and has yet to rush for more than 88. And WR Drake London was kept in the starting lineup on a bye.
At this point, the bad outweighs the good. So, for the second straight power rankings I'll ask: can Cam Skattebo save Golden Boy from back-to-back John Porta trophies?