Fellas, I need to level with you:
With my firstborn inbound any day now, this is likely my last power-rankings edition of the year. That may not be a fitting end to the rankings, especially since this has been an especially balanced season - one that deserves its flowers.
What do I mean by balanced? Every season has its surprise wins and upsets, but this season, more so than others, has been a representation of parity. As stated in earlier editions of these rankings, no team has truly cemented themselves as being elite. And, on the other end of that spectrum, no team has truly cemented themselves as being hot garbage. Being in a 3-to-10-win grouping across the league’s two divisions has been the catalyst to that aforementioned parity. In fact, the parity has been so striking that at least two versions of the parity wheel have become possible.
Parity wheel? Yep. See one of the (at least) two combinations below, made possible by ThrowUpThe X’s upset over Ruthlessberger in Week 11:
So, if you’re ever getting a big head (like Nick’s Fury after Week 7), come back to this wheel to humble yourself. Anyone can beat anyone on any given week.
That said, some of us are in better positions for deeper runs at Fauxbardi XVII than others. I’ll outline that below.
But one of my Thanksgiving gratitudes of this year goes out to you all. It’s been a great season. I wish you all the best of luck in the last couple of weeks of the regular season, through the playoffs, and in trying to avoid the John Porta trophy (but maybe not quite as much luck as I wish myself).
Read ‘em and weep.
2025 WEEK 12 RANKINGS
Fauxbardi XVII Favorites
1.
Ruthlessberger
Current Record: (10-2, 1st)
Week 8 Rank: 2 (+1)
Y! Draft Grade: D
Y! Projected Record: (3-11)
Manager: Ian Svendsen
Years in League: 9
Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)
CLINCHED.
Playoffs are a lock, and the #1 seed might as well be, too, so long as Ruthlessberger can avoid losing both of their last two games and the point cushion they currently have over Stevie Kicks.
New patriarch, who dis? Ruthlessberger became a dad about two weeks ago, coinciding with a necessary loss as attention was rightfully elsewhere. OH, WAIT. NOPE - STILL GOT A DUB. Maybe Baby Oline is a good luck charm, because Ruthlessberger didn’t even need a QB to get a win over Butt Fumble. And sure, maybe Week 11 didn’t come out on top, but still scored over 100 points without touching a thing in the lineup.
Can we trust Ruthlessberger’s sleep deprivation not to catch up with him when making crucial line-up decisions? Maybe. But he’s easily a top seed in the playoffs regardless of how the last couple of weeks go and, hopefully by then, will be well-adjusted and ready to pursue a league-tying third Fauxbardi.
Thankful for:
Wins. I still don’t fully understand how Ruthlessberger is managing to dominate the regular season, because there haven’t been any consistent scorers on the team. But, here they stand, looking down on the rest of us.
2.
Pewter Pirates
Current Record: (6-6, 2nd [Division 1 leader])
Week 8 Rank: 4 (+2)
Y! Draft Grade: D-
Y! Projected Record: (2-12)
Manager: Sy Gallimore
Years in League: 17
Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)
Who knew losing two of their top three picks in the draft was the best thing for Pewter Pirates? Matt Stafford’s career year lives on, and desperate scrapping in the waiver wire to replace Nabers has actually landed Pewter Pirates in a good place, now having outscored the rest of the league by a 75-point margin. Pickens, Cook, whichever GB running back is playing on a given week and good DEF/ST play has solidified a high-floor for Pewter Pirates.
If there’s concern, it’s probably in inevitably picking the wrong FLEX each week, having to choose between three good Chargers players in an offense that never seems to feed the same mouth twice. If Jaylen Warren keeps nursing an injury, Kenneth Gainwell could be a valuable asset down the stretch. Week 13 will be an interesting matchup with a desperate Butt Fumble team.
Fun anecdote: through Week 9, Pewter Pirates had managed to follow every 120+ point win with a sub-100 point loss and every sub-100 point loss with yet another 120+ point win. Weeks 10 and on upset that tradition a little bit by starting a new two-on-two-off system. But when the team is on, it’s on. Pewter Pirates has wins scoring 120+, 135+, 140+ and 155+. That huge scoring potential bodes well for Pewter Pirates long term.
Thankful for:
Points. If they can’t translate into wins, at least they help dictate tiebreakers. Pewter Pirates isn’t fully in the clear for the playoffs from a wins perspective, but the scoring output on the season should protect them in any tied-record scenarios at the end of the season.
3.
Jets Jets Jets
Current Record: (7-5, 4th)
Week 8 Rank: 1 (-2)
Y! Draft Grade: A+
Y! Projected Record: (11-3)
Manager: Tim Cook
Years in League: 17
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)
CLINCHED.
“Look, I know it doesn’t look like a #1 team. But dang-it, since Week 4 Jets Jets Jets has only scored less than 118 points once.”
It’s been four weeks since I uttered the statement above, and Jets Jets Jets hasn’t scored 118 since. That hasn’t mattered, though, as Jets Jets Jets found a way to go 2-2 and position themselves favorably for the playoffs. And, honesly, it was this close to being 3-1. Week 12’s matchup against Ruthlessberger was our smallest margin of any game this season. Jets Jets Jets almost found a way to come away with a stunning come-from-behind win over Ruthlessberger, but fell just 0.04 points short. Yahoo’s Matchup of the Week delivered.
0.04 points, by the way, is essentially equivalent to the length of a football. Meaning, if any of Jets Jets Jets players had just reached out an extra ball-length, they would be 3-1 in their last 4 games and winners of 7 of 9.
A game of inches. Virtual, fantasy-land inches, that is.
And, just to play a game of what-ifs, Jets Jets Jets played Mahomes while having Jared Goff on the bench. Goff outscored Mahomes by a whopping 0.08 points. That would have been enough to beat Ruthlessberger in Week 12.
Thankful for:
The ability not to stress over a close loss because you’re already playoff bound.
Hoping to hit their stride in the playoffs
4.
Stevie Kicks
Current Record: (8-4, 3rd)
Week 8 Rank: 6 (+2)
Y! Draft Grade: B+
Y! Projected Record: (8-6)
Manager: Stevie Collins
Years in League: 2
Best Finish: N/A
CLINCHED.
For Stevie Kicks, nailbiters have been the name of the game. You can get a full breakdown of Week 9’s nailbiter in Butt Fumble’s ranking below, and you can get a full breakdown of Week 12’s nailbiter in Sweet Carolina’s ranking below. But I’ll give you the spark notes: Stevie Kicks consistently plays down to his competition and then scores one more point than them.
Cause for concern: Since Week 9, Stevie Kicks has progressively scored less points each week. In fact, Stevie Kicks has scored under 85 points in back-to-back weeks. The WR corps is primarily to blame, with a little bit of mediocre QB play and lack of a true RB2 sprinkled in for good measure.
Cause for gratitude: Incredibly, Stevie Kicks is still 3-1 in their last four games, which has been enough to put them in position to push for the #1 seed (albeit needing a lot of bad luck from Ruthlessberger to get there). For Stevie Kicks to truly push for that #1 seed, though, they really need Bucky Irving back at pre-injury form. With that, this team could be dangerous.
Thankful for:
8 wins. With injuries and tight games, we didn’t know if we’d get here. Now, it’s just a waiting game to see who the first-round matchup is with in Week 15.
5.
Nick’s Fury
Current Record: (7-5, 5th)
Week 8 Rank: 3 (-2)
Y! Draft Grade: C+
Y! Projected Record: (7-7)
Manager: Nick Gosney
Years in League: 7
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)
CLINCHED.
Might not be as fun to clinch during a loss, but earning a playoff spot is earning a playoff spot.
To that end, it’s been a positive, yet frustrating few weeks for Nick’s Fury, who have scored 107+ in four straight, but only found themselves winning two of four. Those two losses stung, too - both close games against teams barely fighting for playoff spots.
Loss #1: In Week 10, Nick’s Fury was largely dead to rights against Turn down for Watt. Going into the Monday night game, Turn down for Watt needed only 12 points from the combo of Jalen Hurts and AJ Brown to beat Nick’s Fury. The Eagles proceeded to generate just 10 points of offense. Alas, Hurts and Brown combined for 13 and Turn down for Watt emerged victorious.
Loss #2: Week 12 wasn’t any better. This time against Golden Boy, Nick’s Fury was in a 43-point hole going into the Monday night game with three players still to play. Even then, it wasn’t an insurmountable total if Purdy had only had a semi-decent day throwing the ball. Unfortunately, a long potential TD pass to Nick’s Fury WR2 Ricky Pearsall was underthrown and intercepted by Carolina in the endzone, and Nick’s Fury would come up 11 points short.
The off-setting positives: Week 11’s 65-point blow-out over Sweet Carolina helped morale, and it feels good to know that a high-scoring floor has been established going into the playoffs. Nick’s Fury will need to try to get a win in Week 13 to keep from falling in seeding, because the final game of the regular season looks to be BYE week hell.
Thankful for:
Winning in Week 11. Why Week 11, especially? Because Nick’s Fury went out of their way to be smart and on top of the waiver wire by adding Sean Tucker, the Buccaneers’ 3rd string running back who is getting extra playing time with Bucky Irving out. That waiver wire foresight was proven to be wise in Week 11, when Tucker had 32 points. The problem is that those points were on Nick’s Fury’s bench. But, since Nick’s Fury won the game by 65 points anyways…he’ll be able to get past it.
6.
Turn down for Watt
Current Record: (5-7, 8th)
Week 8 Rank: 9 (+3)
Y! Draft Grade: D+
Y! Projected Record: (4-10)
Manager: Joshuwa Shelton
Years in League: 11
Best Finish: 3rd (2018)
Good news: Rock bottom was fairly short-lived. It did live on in Week 9, in which Turn down for Watt managed just 80 points. But, in Week 10, the tides began to turn. Going into the Monday Night Game, Turn down for Watt was down 10.5 points to Nick’s Fury. But with Jalen Hurts still to play, it felt like a safe win.
It didn’t end up being safe, but it did end up being a win. The Eagles won one of the most boring games of all time 10-7 and Jalen Hurts got 1.6 more points than he heeded to get Turn down for Watt the W.
Week 11 was underwhelming again, and Week 12 ended up being Turn down for Watt’s highest scoring output of the season.
THE bright spot of the last weeks has been the RB room - highlighted by TreVeyon Henderson, who had a very slow start to the season after being drafted with so high of expectations, and Jahmyr Gibbs, who is getting less and less poached by David Montgomery. Both RBs have scored 70+ fantasy points in the last 3 games. EACH.
With that kind of play, Turn down for Watt can be lethal any given Sunday. The only drawback might be the rest of the roster’s lethality on Turn down for Watt’s own scoring any given Sunday.
Thankful for:
Pulling out of the deep, dark depths of the mid-season and into a playoff position.
Fighting To Keep a Playoff Spot
7.
Golden Boy
Current Record: (5-7, 7th)
Week 8 Rank: 7 (-)
Y! Draft Grade: C
Y! Projected Record: (7-7)
Manager: Kyler Stock
Years in League: 4
Best Finish: 3rd (2023)
Lest ye forget, Golden Boy was once 0-5 and are now 5-2 in their last 7 games. That’s right - Golden Boy is cooking. We don’t know if it’s with gas, but they’re cooking.
Golden Boy gets contributions all over the map, but the most consistent scorers since Week 6 (when they started winning) are in the back half of the starting lineup. Golden Boy has funneled players in and out of the FLEX, DEF, and K slots (primarily from roster-depth, as Golden Boy only has 7 waiver wire moves on the seaseon) and has an exceptional hit rate in those positions. It has allowed enough of a base for sub-par QB play and inconsistent RB play. Jaxon Smith-Njigba continues to be a large part of the scoring week-to-week, but it’s been the spot-booms for Drake London, Chris Olave, Saquon, Chase Brown, and recent waiver wire pickup Aaron Jones that have given Golden Boy just enough oomph to keep their hot streak going. None of them can be counted on week-to-week like JSN, but, dang-it, if the kicker keeps going for 18, things just might be ok.
Golden Boy is likely just one win away from locking up a playoff spot.
Thankful for:
The Seahawks’ lack of stars clearing the way for JSN to get all of the volume. Trivia Question: Can you name any current Seahawks wide receivers after Jaxon Smith-Njigba? And no, Tyler Lockett is not still on the team.
8.
Sweet Carolina
Current Record: (5-7, 6th)
Week 8 Rank: 8 (-)
Y! Draft Grade: A+
Y! Projected Record: (12-2)
Manager: Michael Schultz
Years in League: 5
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2024)
Sweet Carolina painstakingly sat through Week 12’s Monday Night Football. It couldn’t have been fun. In spite of already having an underwhelming week losing Baker Mayfield mid-game and watching Jonathan Taylor have his second-lowest output of the season, Sweet Carolina was still holding onto hope for a win. Stevie Kicks had only managed 73.76 points on the week, and all Sweet Carolina needed was for Rico Dowdle to score a mere 8.13 points to win the game. For context, Dowdle has averaged 17.5 points since taking over the starting role for Carolina in Week 5. Unfortunately, Carolina was unable to capitalize on 3 INTs, threw an interception inside the 5-yard line, and had two runs called back for holding, limiting Dowdle’s production just enough. Dowdle ended up just eight yards short of giving Sweet Carolina the win.
It won’t be a season-altering loss - Sweet Carolina is essentially guaranteed a playoff spot with their Points For being what it is. But the last few weeks have made something incredibly clear: Sweet Carolina is only as successful as its RBs. Week 10, Jonathan Taylor plays, Sweet Carolina scores 130 point. Week 11, Jonathan Taylor on BYE, Sweet Carolina scores 59 points. Week 12, Jonathan Taylor sucks, Sweet Carolina scores 73 points.
It’s not a horrible recipe for success given JT’s track record this season, but it’s clear there are less avenues to win than some other teams on this list.
Thankful for:
Thick thighs and a big O-line.
John Porta Trophy Favorites
9.
Butt Fumble
Current Record: (4-8, 9th)
Week 8 Rank: 5 (-4)
Y! Draft Grade: B
Y! Projected Record: (10-4)
Manager: Austin Owen
Years in League: 12
Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)
Rough few weeks, starting with Week 9: Butt Fumble and Stevie Kicks’ matchup came down to the Monday night game. Butt Fumble had a decent lead, with Brandon Aubrey still to play. Stevie Kicks had only Marvin Harrison Jr. Of course, as fate would have it, Marvin Harrison Jr. would have his best first half of his season with 14 points, putting Stevie Kicks ahead in the matchup. But, Austin had no reason to fear, because the Cowboys were in Arizona territory, backed up with a 3rd & 17. All Butt Fumble needed was a Cowboys FG from the beautiful golden leg of Brandon Aubrey to take the lead back.
It was setting up perfectly. Dak dropped back to pass and found Jake Ferguson for a 10-yard gain, potentially setting up a 4th & 7 that would become a surefire FG attempt from just over 40 yards. Unfortunately, Ferguson would fumble the ball, and Aubrey wouldn’t get a chance. Still, the game wasn’t over. Aubrey had a chance for a then-NFL-record 68-yarder before half-time but missed. Then, in the third quarter, it happened. The Cowboys were stopped at the 8-yard-line and forced to take a short field goal. Aubrey made the FG and Butt Fumble retook the lead by 0.4 points.
As you’re probably already surmising, it was short-lived. On the next drive, Marvin Harrison Jr. would have his final catch of the night for 16 yards. Stevie Kicks won the shootout 122.26 to 121.16.
Since that heartbreaking loss, Butt Fumble has failed to score 100-points. The short-lived excitement from Lamar Jackson’s return has turned into a nightmare, with the QB scoring fewer points in each successive week. Not to mention Puka Nacua, Butt Fumble’s leading scorer, has been TD-poached repetitively by Davante Adams in the Rams offense over the last few weeks. In spite of its stars, Butt Fumble finds themselves extremely vulnerable with only two weeks to go. It’ll take at least one win and a points cushion to keep themselves from falling into earning the John Porta trophy.
Thankful for:
The few weeks Lamar was hurt and forced Butt Fumble to play a replacement that can actually score points (otherwise, who knows where we’d be right now). Derrick Henry being decent again?
10.
ThrowUpThe X
Current Record: (3-9, 10th)
Week 10 Rank: 10 (-)
Y! Draft Grade: D+
Y! Projected Record: (6-8)
Manager: RD Gallant
Years in League: 16
Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)
Pain. Week 11’s 138-point triumph was quickly juxtaposed by Week 12’s 56-point dud. It also lost ThrowUpThe X the majority of its point cushion over Butt Fumble, who they’ll be fighting with during the last two weeks to avoid the John Porta trophy. Also, as a fun anecdote, 56 points is exactly half of ThrowUpThe X’s projected total for the week of 112. I’d bet that’s never happened before!
The worst part is that it’s hard to know even what to change. The same reasons for Week 11-style victories - Josh Allen, Mark Andrews, Stefan Diggs, Nico Collins, Jameson Williams - are the same reasons for Week 12-style losses. And when Ashton Jeanty is your most consistent player, it’s hard to feel great about your squad. Still, ThrowUpThe X has a decent remaining schedule, with Golden Boy and Turn down for Watt remaining on the docket, while holding a 10-point cushion over Butt Fumble in Points For, needing just one win to tie them in the standings.
So, you’re saying there’s a chance?
Thankful for:
A recognition that fantasy football isn’t real life and that there are so many other things that are more important. Butt Fumble’s slide making it possible to not finish last.