ALL HAIL BUTT FUMBLE.

Austin Owen’s unprecedented fourth EFL title may have been the most unlikely in its 17-year history. Until the first round of the playoffs, Austin was grasping at anything to avoid landing the John Porta trophy. Now, here we stand three weeks later, honoring him with the Fauxbardi XVII trophy.

And, as fate would have it, it’s also because of Butt Fumble’s (and ThrowUpThe X [R.D. Gallant]’s) late season surge that Turn down for Watt (Joshuwa Shelton) earned the John Porta trophy. It’s not a shameful last-place finish for Josh, though. In fact, it represents the first time in league’s history that the last place team had at least 5 wins. ThrowUpThe X, Sweet Carolina, and Turn down for Watt would all finish with 5 wins, but the former two had the tiebreakers via higher Points For.

Remember when I harped on parity earlier this year? As it turns out, Season 17 was the season of parity. In a season where any team could win and any team could lose on any given week, we saw a 6-win champion and a 5-win last-place team.

I find that fitting.

The final four looked to be an exciting matchup between the league’s most storied managers: Austin (3 titles), Sy (2 titles), Ian (2 titles), and Tim (1 title). In reality, none of the games were close, and the teams finished in that exact order.

Austin saved his best for last, scoring 149 in the final week of the regular season to lock in a playoff spot and avoid the John Porta trophy. Then saw 109-, 145- and 132-point outings in the quarterfinal, semifinal and final, respectively. Austin had only five other games cracking 100 points during the season and hadn’t had a single one since Week 9.

Runner-up, Pewter Pirates (yours truly), led the league in scoring during the regular season, scored 139+ through the first two rounds, and then no-showed in the final, suffering their second-worst outing of the entire year.

#1 seed, Ruthlessberger (Ian Svendsen), used up the entirety of their magic in a round 1 romp over Sweet Carolina (Michael Schultz). Their 180 points was the largest scoring output of the season by any team. In the semifinal, Ruthlessberger misplaced 100 points and scored just 80 in a loss to eventual-champion Butt Fumble. Still, Ruthlessberger was able to fend off Jets Jets Jets (Tim Cook) to take home the bronze in the 3rd place game.

Middle seeds Stevie Kicks (Stevie Collins), Nick’s Fury (Nick Gosney) and Golden Boy (Kyler Stock) all lost in the first round of the playoffs, with each team scoring between 97 and 104 points. Each team would then go on to score significantly more points the following week while duking it out for 5th place. If only those performances had come a week earlier…

And with that…

A LOOK AT YOUR REGULAR SEASON MVPs

Notable:

• Pewter Pirates had a top 5 player in five of six categories in spite of losing 3 of their top 7 draft picks (Malik Nabers, Jayden Daniels & Tucker Kraft) to season ending injuries, largely because three of the five were undrafted waiver wire pickups

• Remember when Ruthlessberger drafted TEs back-to-back in the 3rd and 4th rounds? It might’ve paid off. The second TE of the pair, Trey McBride, led all TEs in scoring by a wide margin - actually outscoring WR #5.

• Stevie Kicks saw something in Drake Maye that none of the rest of us did. Maye was the 14th QB taken (a reminder that there are only 10 starting positions in the league) and ended up as QB #2 over the course of the season.

• ThrowUpThe X only had one category with a top 5 player, but luckily it was QB #1 Josh Allen, who played a large part in ThrowUpThe X avoiding the John Porta trophy late in the season.

HINDSIGHT IS 20/20: DRAFT EDITION

Notable Gems

• All of the Undrafteds. Eight (yes, eight) of the 30 top players listed above were undrafted. That means more than a quarter of the best players in fantasy this year were fair-game-for-anyone pickups on the waiver wire. No wonder there was so much parity this year.

• Non-star QBs. Caleb Williams, Bo Nix and Jared Goff all were significantly better fantasy options this season than Lamar, Burrow, Herbert, Hurts and any other fantasy-darling-QBs not named Josh Allen.

• Crowded-backfield RB2s. Oddly enough, D’Andre Swift, Rico Dowdle, Jaylen Warren, Zach Charbonnet, and RJ Harvey were great RB2 or FLEX options this season in spite of each sharing their backfield with another RB1 or RB2.

• Chris Olave, drafted 81st overall, finished WR #6 overall for Golden Boy - even on a terrible Saints team.

• George Pickens, drafted 49th overall (mostly because of CeeDee Lamb’s injury), finished WR #4 overall for Pewter Pirates.

Notable Wiffs

• Almost all QBs. Injuries decimated the position’s top performers from 2024, with Lamar, Baker, Darnold, Daniels, Burrow finishing outside the top 10 and Hurts landing at just #9.

• Another down year in TE Land. Big names and early draft picks such as Brock Bowers, George Kittle, Mark Andrews finished #8, #11, and #18.

• Defenses. Very few defenses were worth keeping around for more than a week at a time this year. Pre-season favorites, PHI, LAC, BAL, SF finished #7, #14, #19, and #26, respectively.

• ThrowUpThe X’s Cowboys fandom. Historically, R.D. has anywhere from 3-6 current or former Cowboys players on his roster. This year was the perfect year for that strategy, with Dak, Pickens, and Brandon Aubrey all landing in the top 5 at their respective positions. Unfortunately, in a year where R.D. had less Cowboys players than ever on his roster, he chose the worst one to keep: the Dallas defense was #31 on the season - only better than the N.Y. Jets (and not by much).

FINAL PLAYOFF BRACKET

FINAL SIGN OFF

Well, this is it. Both Fauxbardi XVII and the John Porta trophy are on trucks headed to Austin and Josh.

Hopefully, you all enjoyed this wildly unpredictable season as much as I did. Did I want to scrape my face against a brick wall for most of it? Of course. But fantasy football is a drug, and I’d be happy to see us all back next season for our next hit.

A quick note on next season: inflation is real. To keep up with trophy costs, league dues will be $15 next season. In other words, I hope participating in this league is worth the equivalent of that Chipotle-bowl-add-guac-plus-tax you were planning to get next week.

To that end: A special thank you to you all. I appreciate your engagement, setting your lineups, hitting the waivers, and making this the closest season #1 through #10 that we’ve ever had.

Better luck in next year, fellas. Season 18 looms large.

-Commish

Fellas, I need to level with you:

With my firstborn inbound any day now, this is likely my last power-rankings edition of the year. That may not be a fitting end to the rankings, especially since this has been an especially balanced season - one that deserves its flowers.

What do I mean by balanced? Every season has its surprise wins and upsets, but this season, more so than others, has been a representation of parity. As stated in earlier editions of these rankings, no team has truly cemented themselves as being elite. And, on the other end of that spectrum, no team has truly cemented themselves as being hot garbage. Being in a 3-to-10-win grouping across the league’s two divisions has been the catalyst to that aforementioned parity. In fact, the parity has been so striking that at least two versions of the parity wheel have become possible.

Parity wheel? Yep. See one of the (at least) two combinations below, made possible by ThrowUpThe X’s upset over Ruthlessberger in Week 11:

So, if you’re ever getting a big head (like Nick’s Fury after Week 7), come back to this wheel to humble yourself. Anyone can beat anyone on any given week.

That said, some of us are in better positions for deeper runs at Fauxbardi XVII than others. I’ll outline that below.

But one of my Thanksgiving gratitudes of this year goes out to you all. It’s been a great season. I wish you all the best of luck in the last couple of weeks of the regular season, through the playoffs, and in trying to avoid the John Porta trophy (but maybe not quite as much luck as I wish myself).

Read ‘em and weep.

2025 WEEK 12 RANKINGS

Fauxbardi XVII Favorites

1.

Ruthlessberger

Current Record: (10-2, 1st)

Week 8 Rank: 2 (+1)

Y! Draft Grade: D

Y! Projected Record: (3-11)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 9

Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)

CLINCHED.

Playoffs are a lock, and the #1 seed might as well be, too, so long as Ruthlessberger can avoid losing both of their last two games and the point cushion they currently have over Stevie Kicks.

New patriarch, who dis? Ruthlessberger became a dad about two weeks ago, coinciding with a necessary loss as attention was rightfully elsewhere. OH, WAIT. NOPE - STILL GOT A DUB. Maybe Baby Oline is a good luck charm, because Ruthlessberger didn’t even need a QB to get a win over Butt Fumble. And sure, maybe Week 11 didn’t come out on top, but still scored over 100 points without touching a thing in the lineup.

Can we trust Ruthlessberger’s sleep deprivation not to catch up with him when making crucial line-up decisions? Maybe. But he’s easily a top seed in the playoffs regardless of how the last couple of weeks go and, hopefully by then, will be well-adjusted and ready to pursue a league-tying third Fauxbardi.

Thankful for:

Wins. I still don’t fully understand how Ruthlessberger is managing to dominate the regular season, because there haven’t been any consistent scorers on the team. But, here they stand, looking down on the rest of us.

2.

Pewter Pirates

Current Record: (6-6, 2nd [Division 1 leader])

Week 8 Rank: 4 (+2)

Y! Draft Grade: D-

Y! Projected Record: (2-12)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 17

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

Who knew losing two of their top three picks in the draft was the best thing for Pewter Pirates? Matt Stafford’s career year lives on, and desperate scrapping in the waiver wire to replace Nabers has actually landed Pewter Pirates in a good place, now having outscored the rest of the league by a 75-point margin. Pickens, Cook, whichever GB running back is playing on a given week and good DEF/ST play has solidified a high-floor for Pewter Pirates.

If there’s concern, it’s probably in inevitably picking the wrong FLEX each week, having to choose between three good Chargers players in an offense that never seems to feed the same mouth twice. If Jaylen Warren keeps nursing an injury, Kenneth Gainwell could be a valuable asset down the stretch. Week 13 will be an interesting matchup with a desperate Butt Fumble team.

Fun anecdote: through Week 9, Pewter Pirates had managed to follow every 120+ point win with a sub-100 point loss and every sub-100 point loss with yet another 120+ point win. Weeks 10 and on upset that tradition a little bit by starting a new two-on-two-off system. But when the team is on, it’s on. Pewter Pirates has wins scoring 120+, 135+, 140+ and 155+. That huge scoring potential bodes well for Pewter Pirates long term.

Thankful for:

Points. If they can’t translate into wins, at least they help dictate tiebreakers. Pewter Pirates isn’t fully in the clear for the playoffs from a wins perspective, but the scoring output on the season should protect them in any tied-record scenarios at the end of the season.

3.

Jets Jets Jets

Current Record: (7-5, 4th)

Week 8 Rank: 1 (-2)

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Y! Projected Record: (11-3)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 17

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

CLINCHED.

“Look, I know it doesn’t look like a #1 team. But dang-it, since Week 4 Jets Jets Jets has only scored less than 118 points once.”

It’s been four weeks since I uttered the statement above, and Jets Jets Jets hasn’t scored 118 since. That hasn’t mattered, though, as Jets Jets Jets found a way to go 2-2 and position themselves favorably for the playoffs. And, honesly, it was this close to being 3-1. Week 12’s matchup against Ruthlessberger was our smallest margin of any game this season. Jets Jets Jets almost found a way to come away with a stunning come-from-behind win over Ruthlessberger, but fell just 0.04 points short. Yahoo’s Matchup of the Week delivered.

0.04 points, by the way, is essentially equivalent to the length of a football. Meaning, if any of Jets Jets Jets players had just reached out an extra ball-length, they would be 3-1 in their last 4 games and winners of 7 of 9.

A game of inches. Virtual, fantasy-land inches, that is.

And, just to play a game of what-ifs, Jets Jets Jets played Mahomes while having Jared Goff on the bench. Goff outscored Mahomes by a whopping 0.08 points. That would have been enough to beat Ruthlessberger in Week 12.

Thankful for:

The ability not to stress over a close loss because you’re already playoff bound.

Hoping to hit their stride in the playoffs

4.

Stevie Kicks

Current Record: (8-4, 3rd)

Week 8 Rank: 6 (+2)

Y! Draft Grade: B+

Y! Projected Record: (8-6)

Manager: Stevie Collins

Years in League: 2

Best Finish: N/A

CLINCHED.

For Stevie Kicks, nailbiters have been the name of the game. You can get a full breakdown of Week 9’s nailbiter in Butt Fumble’s ranking below, and you can get a full breakdown of Week 12’s nailbiter in Sweet Carolina’s ranking below. But I’ll give you the spark notes: Stevie Kicks consistently plays down to his competition and then scores one more point than them.

Cause for concern: Since Week 9, Stevie Kicks has progressively scored less points each week. In fact, Stevie Kicks has scored under 85 points in back-to-back weeks. The WR corps is primarily to blame, with a little bit of mediocre QB play and lack of a true RB2 sprinkled in for good measure.

Cause for gratitude: Incredibly, Stevie Kicks is still 3-1 in their last four games, which has been enough to put them in position to push for the #1 seed (albeit needing a lot of bad luck from Ruthlessberger to get there). For Stevie Kicks to truly push for that #1 seed, though, they really need Bucky Irving back at pre-injury form. With that, this team could be dangerous.

Thankful for:

8 wins. With injuries and tight games, we didn’t know if we’d get here. Now, it’s just a waiting game to see who the first-round matchup is with in Week 15.

5.

Nick’s Fury

Current Record: (7-5, 5th)

Week 8 Rank: 3 (-2)

Y! Draft Grade: C+

Y! Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

CLINCHED.

Might not be as fun to clinch during a loss, but earning a playoff spot is earning a playoff spot.

To that end, it’s been a positive, yet frustrating few weeks for Nick’s Fury, who have scored 107+ in four straight, but only found themselves winning two of four. Those two losses stung, too - both close games against teams barely fighting for playoff spots.

Loss #1: In Week 10, Nick’s Fury was largely dead to rights against Turn down for Watt. Going into the Monday night game, Turn down for Watt needed only 12 points from the combo of Jalen Hurts and AJ Brown to beat Nick’s Fury. The Eagles proceeded to generate just 10 points of offense. Alas, Hurts and Brown combined for 13 and Turn down for Watt emerged victorious.

Loss #2: Week 12 wasn’t any better. This time against Golden Boy, Nick’s Fury was in a 43-point hole going into the Monday night game with three players still to play. Even then, it wasn’t an insurmountable total if Purdy had only had a semi-decent day throwing the ball. Unfortunately, a long potential TD pass to Nick’s Fury WR2 Ricky Pearsall was underthrown and intercepted by Carolina in the endzone, and Nick’s Fury would come up 11 points short.

The off-setting positives: Week 11’s 65-point blow-out over Sweet Carolina helped morale, and it feels good to know that a high-scoring floor has been established going into the playoffs. Nick’s Fury will need to try to get a win in Week 13 to keep from falling in seeding, because the final game of the regular season looks to be BYE week hell.

Thankful for:

Winning in Week 11. Why Week 11, especially? Because Nick’s Fury went out of their way to be smart and on top of the waiver wire by adding Sean Tucker, the Buccaneers’ 3rd string running back who is getting extra playing time with Bucky Irving out. That waiver wire foresight was proven to be wise in Week 11, when Tucker had 32 points. The problem is that those points were on Nick’s Fury’s bench. But, since Nick’s Fury won the game by 65 points anyways…he’ll be able to get past it.

6.

Turn down for Watt

Current Record: (5-7, 8th)

Week 8 Rank: 9 (+3)

Y! Draft Grade: D+

Y! Projected Record: (4-10)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 11

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Good news: Rock bottom was fairly short-lived. It did live on in Week 9, in which Turn down for Watt managed just 80 points. But, in Week 10, the tides began to turn. Going into the Monday Night Game, Turn down for Watt was down 10.5 points to Nick’s Fury. But with Jalen Hurts still to play, it felt like a safe win.

It didn’t end up being safe, but it did end up being a win. The Eagles won one of the most boring games of all time 10-7 and Jalen Hurts got 1.6 more points than he heeded to get Turn down for Watt the W.

Week 11 was underwhelming again, and Week 12 ended up being Turn down for Watt’s highest scoring output of the season.

THE bright spot of the last weeks has been the RB room - highlighted by TreVeyon Henderson, who had a very slow start to the season after being drafted with so high of expectations, and Jahmyr Gibbs, who is getting less and less poached by David Montgomery. Both RBs have scored 70+ fantasy points in the last 3 games. EACH.

With that kind of play, Turn down for Watt can be lethal any given Sunday. The only drawback might be the rest of the roster’s lethality on Turn down for Watt’s own scoring any given Sunday.

Thankful for:

Pulling out of the deep, dark depths of the mid-season and into a playoff position.

Fighting To Keep a Playoff Spot

7.

Golden Boy

Current Record: (5-7, 7th)

Week 8 Rank: 7 (-)

Y! Draft Grade: C

Y! Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2023)

Lest ye forget, Golden Boy was once 0-5 and are now 5-2 in their last 7 games. That’s right - Golden Boy is cooking. We don’t know if it’s with gas, but they’re cooking.

Golden Boy gets contributions all over the map, but the most consistent scorers since Week 6 (when they started winning) are in the back half of the starting lineup. Golden Boy has funneled players in and out of the FLEX, DEF, and K slots (primarily from roster-depth, as Golden Boy only has 7 waiver wire moves on the seaseon) and has an exceptional hit rate in those positions. It has allowed enough of a base for sub-par QB play and inconsistent RB play. Jaxon Smith-Njigba continues to be a large part of the scoring week-to-week, but it’s been the spot-booms for Drake London, Chris Olave, Saquon, Chase Brown, and recent waiver wire pickup Aaron Jones that have given Golden Boy just enough oomph to keep their hot streak going. None of them can be counted on week-to-week like JSN, but, dang-it, if the kicker keeps going for 18, things just might be ok.

Golden Boy is likely just one win away from locking up a playoff spot.

Thankful for:

The Seahawks’ lack of stars clearing the way for JSN to get all of the volume. Trivia Question: Can you name any current Seahawks wide receivers after Jaxon Smith-Njigba? And no, Tyler Lockett is not still on the team.

8.

Sweet Carolina

Current Record: (5-7, 6th)

Week 8 Rank: 8 (-)

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Y! Projected Record: (12-2)

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 5

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2024)

Sweet Carolina painstakingly sat through Week 12’s Monday Night Football. It couldn’t have been fun. In spite of already having an underwhelming week losing Baker Mayfield mid-game and watching Jonathan Taylor have his second-lowest output of the season, Sweet Carolina was still holding onto hope for a win. Stevie Kicks had only managed 73.76 points on the week, and all Sweet Carolina needed was for Rico Dowdle to score a mere 8.13 points to win the game. For context, Dowdle has averaged 17.5 points since taking over the starting role for Carolina in Week 5. Unfortunately, Carolina was unable to capitalize on 3 INTs, threw an interception inside the 5-yard line, and had two runs called back for holding, limiting Dowdle’s production just enough. Dowdle ended up just eight yards short of giving Sweet Carolina the win.

It won’t be a season-altering loss - Sweet Carolina is essentially guaranteed a playoff spot with their Points For being what it is. But the last few weeks have made something incredibly clear: Sweet Carolina is only as successful as its RBs. Week 10, Jonathan Taylor plays, Sweet Carolina scores 130 point. Week 11, Jonathan Taylor on BYE, Sweet Carolina scores 59 points. Week 12, Jonathan Taylor sucks, Sweet Carolina scores 73 points.

It’s not a horrible recipe for success given JT’s track record this season, but it’s clear there are less avenues to win than some other teams on this list.

Thankful for:

Thick thighs and a big O-line.

John Porta Trophy Favorites

9.

Butt Fumble

Current Record: (4-8, 9th)

Week 8 Rank: 5 (-4)

Y! Draft Grade: B

Y! Projected Record: (10-4)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 12

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

Rough few weeks, starting with Week 9: Butt Fumble and Stevie Kicks’ matchup came down to the Monday night game. Butt Fumble had a decent lead, with Brandon Aubrey still to play. Stevie Kicks had only Marvin Harrison Jr. Of course, as fate would have it, Marvin Harrison Jr. would have his best first half of his season with 14 points, putting Stevie Kicks ahead in the matchup. But, Austin had no reason to fear, because the Cowboys were in Arizona territory, backed up with a 3rd & 17. All Butt Fumble needed was a Cowboys FG from the beautiful golden leg of Brandon Aubrey to take the lead back.

It was setting up perfectly. Dak dropped back to pass and found Jake Ferguson for a 10-yard gain, potentially setting up a 4th & 7 that would become a surefire FG attempt from just over 40 yards. Unfortunately, Ferguson would fumble the ball, and Aubrey wouldn’t get a chance. Still, the game wasn’t over. Aubrey had a chance for a then-NFL-record 68-yarder before half-time but missed. Then, in the third quarter, it happened. The Cowboys were stopped at the 8-yard-line and forced to take a short field goal. Aubrey made the FG and Butt Fumble retook the lead by 0.4 points.

As you’re probably already surmising, it was short-lived. On the next drive, Marvin Harrison Jr. would have his final catch of the night for 16 yards. Stevie Kicks won the shootout 122.26 to 121.16.

Since that heartbreaking loss, Butt Fumble has failed to score 100-points. The short-lived excitement from Lamar Jackson’s return has turned into a nightmare, with the QB scoring fewer points in each successive week. Not to mention Puka Nacua, Butt Fumble’s leading scorer, has been TD-poached repetitively by Davante Adams in the Rams offense over the last few weeks. In spite of its stars, Butt Fumble finds themselves extremely vulnerable with only two weeks to go. It’ll take at least one win and a points cushion to keep themselves from falling into earning the John Porta trophy.

Thankful for:

The few weeks Lamar was hurt and forced Butt Fumble to play a replacement that can actually score points (otherwise, who knows where we’d be right now). Derrick Henry being decent again?

10.

ThrowUpThe X

Current Record: (3-9, 10th)

Week 10 Rank: 10 (-)

Y! Draft Grade: D+

Y! Projected Record: (6-8)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 16

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

Pain. Week 11’s 138-point triumph was quickly juxtaposed by Week 12’s 56-point dud. It also lost ThrowUpThe X the majority of its point cushion over Butt Fumble, who they’ll be fighting with during the last two weeks to avoid the John Porta trophy. Also, as a fun anecdote, 56 points is exactly half of ThrowUpThe X’s projected total for the week of 112. I’d bet that’s never happened before!

The worst part is that it’s hard to know even what to change. The same reasons for Week 11-style victories - Josh Allen, Mark Andrews, Stefan Diggs, Nico Collins, Jameson Williams - are the same reasons for Week 12-style losses. And when Ashton Jeanty is your most consistent player, it’s hard to feel great about your squad. Still, ThrowUpThe X has a decent remaining schedule, with Golden Boy and Turn down for Watt remaining on the docket, while holding a 10-point cushion over Butt Fumble in Points For, needing just one win to tie them in the standings.

So, you’re saying there’s a chance?

Thankful for:

A recognition that fantasy football isn’t real life and that there are so many other things that are more important. Butt Fumble’s slide making it possible to not finish last.

Leave a comment

All you ever hear in these rankings is me yapping on, so to spare you (at least in small portion), I’ve decided to give the power back to the people. Today we’re going to highlight your own takes on your performance. And, for the most part, you were pretty grounded in reality. For the most part.

You all are an interesting bunch. I’m an economy-driven person. I’m a firm believer in finding market equilibrium between supply and demand. Well, maybe not super firm - after all, nobody asked me to make power rankings. But there seems to be a little bit of a demand. Therefore, I supply. But, I’ve got to say, you all (the market) have shown your non-Gen Z colors: the demand for creative graphics seems to be at an all-time low. So, we’ll stick to the script and stick to, well, script.

Read ‘em and weep.

2025 WEEK 5 RANKINGS

Trying to Establish Themselves

1.

Jets Jets Jets

Current Record: (5-3, 3rd)

Week 5 Rank: 3 (+2)

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Y! Projected Record: (11-3)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 17

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

Jets Jets Jets manager, Tim Cook, assessing team performance in a quote to Elite Fantasy League reporter, Guy Sallimore:

“Even across the pond [the Jets] offense couldn’t even top 100 yards. How many more games to the 1st pick in the draft so we can pick Mark Sanchez again? He has more on his resume now: stabbing. In a Fantasy League, I can build a team and call them the Jets but only have one Jet player on my team so that I can win more than I lose. Riding a good streak now. Next up: 2nd place head-to-head matchup.”

Look, I know it doesn’t look like a #1 team. But dang-it, since Week 4 Jets Jets Jets has only scored less than 118 points once. Ain’t nobody else in the league doing that!

Mahomes has quietly been great, Kelce has had his moments, McConkey is back on top of the WR depth chart in LAC and Brian Thomas Jr. just got the best news of the year - his entire WR room is hurt besides him. With a decent Bijan, Breece Hall and Kenneth Walker, who’s to say this team can’t make some noise? It’s been a decade since Jets Jets Jets last won the EFL. Is the year to break the dry-spell? Another win this week over #10 ThrowUpThe X would all but solidify a playoff spot for Jets Jets Jets with 5 weeks to go.

2.

Ruthlessberger

Current Record: (7-1, 1st)

Week 5 Rank: 4 (+2)

Y! Draft Grade: D

Y! Projected Record: (3-11)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 9

Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)

Guy Sallimore, EFL reporter, reached out to Ruthlessberger manager, Ian Svendsen, for comment following EFL’s Week 5 edition of the power rankings. The response:

“Bro same! It’s gonna be crazy. I don’t think it’s going to fully hit me until the day she’s born!”

We’re going to assume that was a “sorry, wp” text. But also, congrats to Ruthlessberger, who will likely still be #1 in the Elite Fantasy League when he welcomes his first-born to the world in about two weeks.

The wins just keep coming. And who cares how they come? 7-1 is 7-1, and it is all but a lock for a top seed in the playoffs. For a team that was projected to only win 3 games this season, Ruthlessberger has shown that they haven’t won two titles in this league out of nowhere. If Joe Flacco can keep balling while Purdy sits, and if D’Andre Swift isn’t out too long… maybe a few more wins can lead Ruthlessberger to a #1 seed draw.

3.

Nick’s Fury

Current Record: (5-3, 4th)

Week 5 Rank: 6 (-3)

Y! Draft Grade: C+

Y! Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

Nick Gosney, manager of Nick’s Fury spoke to EFL reporter, Guy Sallimore after the Week 5 edition of the power rankings:

“Look, we always come out to play hard. And we always look for ways to motivate the guys. And we try not to put too much stock into what the pundits say and just stay focused on our goals. But to get ranked below a team who can’t beat a winless team and to beat the last undefeated team… I guess the writers of these rankings will have more to discuss on Tuesday.”

You think those britches are big? One week later:

“Ruthlessberger and ThrowUpThe X OVER ME?!?!?!” (Said like Jimmy Butler after the Heat beat the 76ers)

But, after a Week 8 loss to Ruthlessberger head-to-head:

“Proverbs 16:18. The britches may have been a size too large.”

Indeed they were, Mr. Gosney. Indeed they were. But only one size too big, because at the end of the day, the team has been playing well, and outside of a loss to Ruthlessberger, has earned a rise in the ranks, with 6 straight weeks scoring 100+.

Trying to Break Out of .500

4.

Pewter Pirates

Current Record: (4-4, 6th)

Week 5 Rank: 8 (+4)

Y! Draft Grade: D-

Y! Projected Record: (2-12)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 17

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

EFL reporter Guy Sallimore reached out to Sy Gallimore, manager of Pewter Pirates for quote following the release of the Week 5 power rankings:

“Listen, I’m not going to say I’m surprised, but I’m also not going to say that I really think this squad is the 8th best team in the league. I mean we’ve got guys. They’re injured, but we’ve got ‘em. And yes, I know we were only projected 2 wins on the year. But since when do we listen to Yahoo? This isn’t 2004. We’ll be back.”

Sure enough, Pewter Pirates is back. Finally, some wins to go along with all of the points! Pewter Pirates have outscored the league, but are only now making it back to .500. Not having Jayden Daniels at their disposal has been a lone hiccup since losing Malik Nabers. And while that may seem like stacking one big deal on top of another, Pewter Pirates have had a consistent running game paving the way to its scoring booms. One or two more division wins will land Pewter Pirates on top of Division 1.

5.

Butt Fumble

Current Record: (4-4, 2nd [Division 1 leader])

Week 5 Rank: 9 (+4)

Y! Draft Grade: B

Y! Projected Record: (10-4)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 12

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

EFL reporter, Guy Sallimore, reached out to Butt Fumble manager, Austin Owen, for comment following EFL’s Week 5 edition of the power rankings. Sallimore only received a thumbs-up.

Was the thumbs up sarcastic given the team’s 76-point performance in Week 6? Or was it speaking to Butt Fumble knowing that everything was going to be A-OK in the long-run?

Weeks 7 and 8 have been a confidence booster for Butt Fumble, who now look to get Lamar Jackson and Puka Nacua back. No longer will the team have to rely on Kayshon Boutte to lead the WR corps (though, he did fill in much more admirably than his name would imply). With a 3-2 record within Division 1, Butt Fumble has risen to the top of the division and snagged its coveted #2 seed label. How long will Butt Fumble be able to fend off the rest of the division? Time will tell.

6.

Stevie Kicks

Current Record: (5-3, 5th)

Week 5 Rank: 2 (-4)

Y! Draft Grade: B+

Y! Projected Record: (8-6)

Manager: Stevie Collins

Years in League: 2

Best Finish: N/A

Stevie Collins, manager of Stevie Kicks, when speaking to EFL reporter Guy Sallimore about the Week 5 power rankings:

“Everyone on the squad has picked up the slack where we need it, although I’m not sure how long we can keep up the pace. One game at a time, and one lucky break at a time.”

The lucky breaks have started slowing the past three weeks, as Stevie Kicks has limped to three-straight sub-100 performances. The worst part is not having a direct place to turn for answers, with essentially the entire roster outside of Drake Maye struggling to get to 10 points on a given week. There’s talent on the roster, but, by my count, at least 5 of the consistent starters for this offense are on teams with lackluster QB play. It’s hard to feel good about what you’re going to get week to week from any of them right now.

Trying to Get to .500

7.

Golden Boy

Current Record: (3-5, 8th)

Week 5 Rank: 10 (+3)

Y! Draft Grade: C

Y! Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2023)

EFL reporter, Guy Sallimore, reached out to Golden Boy manager, Kyler Stock, for comment following EFL’s Week 5 edition of the power rankings. Nobody from the Golden Boy camp returned any requests for comment.

Shut up and ball out. That’s what Golden Boy apparently turned to after our last rankings. A team that was 0-5 has failed to show up for any press conferences, instead opting to put their heads down and get to work. And get to work they have. Golden Boy has completely resurrected their season, reeling off 3-straight victories while averaging 125 points per game. Losing Cam Skattebo is painful, especially with Saquon being on BYE in Week 9, but, in the words of Bronco legend Russell Wilson, “Bronco Nation, Let’s Ride!”

8.

Sweet Carolina

Current Record: (3-5, 7th)

Week 5 Rank: 1 (-7)

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Y! Projected Record: (12-2)

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 5

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2024)

EFL reporter, Guy Sallimore, received a delayed response from Sweet Carolina manager, Michael Schultz, regarding Week 5’s edition of the power rankings:

“Extremely shocked and proud of being ranked at #1, just to lose the following week.”

Sweet Carolina foresaw what was coming. Three straight losses - including last week’s backbreaking 1 point loss to Jets Jets Jets - have shot Sweet Carolina down the standings. The team is by no means terrible, but with Mike Evans going down for a second time, Carson Wentz creating an anemic offense for Jettas to work in, and Chuba Hubbard/Rico Dowdle sharing carries, there’s a lot less juice than there has been throughout the season thus far.

It has Jonathan Taylor looking around the Sweet Carolina locker room like:

9.

Turn down for Watt

Current Record: (3-5, 9th)

Week 5 Rank: 7 (-2)

Y! Draft Grade: D+

Y! Projected Record: (4-10)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 11

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Turn down for Watt manager, Joshuwa Shelton, after being asked if he had any reaction to the EFL’s Week 5 rankings:

“Accurate. Just put [us] at the bottom. [We’re] free-falling.”

We might have just found rock bottom. After being #1 in the rankings after Week 3, it’s been a precipitous fall for Turn down for Watt, who now sports the lowest Points For total in the league. Week 8… I actually feel bad talking about Week 8… You see, Jalen Hurts scored 25.36 points. The rest of the team scored 25.90 points. I’m not a betting analyst, but I can say with complete confidence that it’s hard to win games with 51.56 points.

Turn down for Watt just needs to shake it off, hope for more Week 7 performances, and try to push past Yahoo’s original 4-win projection for the season, which, looks much more ominous than it did a few weeks ago.

Trying to Finish 9th

10.

ThrowUpThe X

Current Record: (1-7, 10th)

Week 5 Rank: 5 (-5)

Y! Draft Grade: D+

Y! Projected Record: (6-8)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 16

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

Guy Sallimore, reporting for EFL, as heard from ThrowUpThe X manager, RD Gallant:

“I appreciated the generous power ranking standings even though I am at the bottom of the league. Unfortunately, most weeks haven’t gone my way despite some high scoring performances. I think my team needs to watch some film and learn how to finish games.”

I guess the film room projector broke. The team has not learned how to finish games. In fact, after 8 games of much of the same, it’s hard to remember what it was like the one time ThrowUpThe X actually did win a game. Not only that, but with Golden Boy going on his sudden tear, ThrowUpThe X finds themselves at least two games behind everybody. That puts them in sole-contention for the John Porta trophy. ThrowUpThe X already has stockpiled the runner-up trophy over the years. The last thing they want to start is a new collection.

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I wasn’t going to put out a new edition of the Power Rankings until Week 6, but the last two weeks have flipped our last rankings on their head. It felt like my duty as commissioner to impose my opinion onto you sooner than later.

The problem was that I couldn’t quite put my finger on how I felt about us all without visualizing it first. So, without further ado, a first-of-its-kind power-rankings:

Read ‘em and weep.

2025 WEEK 5 RANKINGS

Far be it from me to determine whether you’re elite or not - the graphic allows you to decide for yourself.

…Who am I kidding? I absolutely will decide whether you’re elite or not. And spoiler: you're not. And yes, if you got to the end of the graphic, your not-being-elite is its own vicious cycle.

Let’s dive in.

Not Elite, But Currently Pretty Good

1.

Sweet Carolina

Current Record: (3-2, 4th)

Week 3 Rank: 8 (+7)

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Y! Projected Record: (12-2)

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 5

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2024)

Injury bug, injury shmug.

I’ve got a challenge for you: pull out some graph paper, grab a protractor and plot the point totals for Sweet Carolina each week. 99, 105, 106, 111, 148…that’s a trend I think we all can get behind. And, true to their namesake, it’s been Panthers RBs keeping Sweet Carolina at the century mark. Rico Dowdle’s 30 points in Week 5 launched him into Spot Week Waiver Pickup of the Year candidacy.

2.

Stevie Kicks

Current Record: (4-1, 2nd)

Week 3 Rank: 7 (+5)

Y! Draft Grade: B+

Y! Projected Record: (8-6)

Manager: Stevie Collins

Years in League: 2

Best Finish: N/A

Remember when Stevie Kicks scored 58 points in Week 1? Me neither. In the 4 weeks since, Stevie Kicks has averaged 117 points per game without Burrow and even managed their best scoring output of the season last week without Bucky Irving. So, make it four straight wins for Stevie Kicks, who don’t know who they’ll get points from each week but can rest easy knowing the points will somehow come all the same.

3.

Jets Jets Jets

Current Record: (3-2, 5th)

Week 3 Rank: 9 (+5)

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Y! Projected Record: (11-3)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 17

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

Jets Jets Jets apparently held a players-only meeting after my last rankings, because after calling out the aerial attack for its lackluster start to the season the group has put on a show in weeks 4 and 5. Mahomes has had a resurgent couple of weeks from a fantasy prospective and spot booms from DK Metcalf & Calvin Ridley, plus a more balanced Ladd McConkey and Brian Thomas Jr., have allowed Jets Jets Jets to run a 120-point pace over the last two weeks. Next week, a team staving off injuries to any of their key players gets Bijan Robinson back from bye. Jets Jets Jets is getting hot.

4.

Ruthlessberger

Current Record: (5-0, 1st)

Week 3 Rank: 2 (-2)

Y! Draft Grade: D

Y! Projected Record: (3-11)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 9

Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)

A win is a win is a win is a win is a win. At 5-0, we’re not discriminating. Or maybe we are, because Ruthlessberger drops two spots in the rankings without losing a game. It’s just that two wins this season have come while scoring in the 80s, including last week’s who-can-out-lose-their-opponent matchup with Pewter Pirates. And in a rankings of elite-ness, I’m not sure how high I can stomach slotting Ruthlessberger to this point in the season.

That said, while it’s not an overly impressive performance showing each week, Ruthlessberger has all but assured themselves a playoff spot with their spotless start.

5.

ThrowUpThe X

Current Record: (1-4, 9th)

Week 3 Rank: 5 (-1)

Y! Draft Grade: D+

Y! Projected Record: (6-8)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 16

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

What does it take to get a win around here? Make that 4 of 5 weeks this season scoring 100+ points, including last week’s 133-point effort. Yet, only 1 win on the season?

A tough scheduling break for an otherwise top 4 team in the league has moved ThrowUpThe X into darkhorse territory for Fauxbardi XVII. To put it in perspective, ThrowUpThe X is so dominant that they have elite fantasy QB Daniel Jones on the bench!? I’m kidding. I think.

6.

Nick’s Fury

Current Record: (3-2, 6th)

Week 3 Rank: 3 (-3)

Y! Draft Grade: C+

Y! Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

Now that Omarion Hampton is on IR, the #startJKDobbins campaign can get into full swing. In all seriousness, as much as it sucks to lose the high upside of Hampton, Nick’s Fury is built for this, having 3 other legitimate starting RBs. In the meantime, though, losing Hampton leaves Nick’s Fury with just CMC as the main oh-man-this-guy-could-go-for-40-this-week player on the roster. That means Nick’s Fury might be a little more boring and just have to win games by being consistent. First world problems.

Find a Way to Lose Games

7.

Turn down for Watt

Current Record: (2-3, 2nd [Division 2 leader])

Week 3 Rank: 1 (-6)

Y! Draft Grade: D+

Y! Projected Record: (4-10)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 11

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Emeka Egbuka is one of the year fantasy stories of the year. Originally projected to slot as a WR 3 or 4 for Turn down for Watt has been the lone bright spot for the WR corps for weeks. Jahmyr Gibbs has been a consistent 15ppg. Deebo Samuel has had a couple of spot booms as well.

All of that to say, it hasn’t been all bad the last couple of weeks, but it has been all losses. Leading a division by 0.5 points with a losing record isn’t exactly riveting stuff, and with that, Turn down for Watt sees their Week 3 #1 ranking flit away.

8.

Pewter Pirates

Current Record: (2-3, 7th)

Week 3 Rank: 6 (-2)

Y! Draft Grade: D-

Y! Projected Record: (2-12)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 17

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

Projected points don’t always translate, huh? Play the hand you’re dealt. Don’t bother dreaming about how good Nabers could have been with Jaxson Dart or how much you wish you hadn’t had to start Russell Wilson and Geno Smith while Jayden Daniels recovered from injury. It’s not time for daydreams and excuses. It’s time for action. And so, I’d like to take the action of creating a time machine and picking up Rico Dowdle last week.

The good news is someone has to win the division and get the #2 seed, and Pewter Pirates is only 0.5 points out from that spot.

9.

Butt Fumble

Current Record: (2-3, 8th)

Week 3 Rank: 4 (-5)

Y! Draft Grade: B

Y! Projected Record: (10-4)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 12

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

Raise your hand if you went against everything inside of you as a Steelers fan and drafted two Baltimore Ravens stars to run your fantasy offense only to watch them crumble before your eyes, creating a weird dynamic where you’re kind of happy because the Ravens suck, but also kind of sad because your fantasy team has lost 3 in a row!

The Opposite of Elite

10.

Golden Boy

Current Record: (0-5, 10th)

Week 3 Rank: 10 (-)

Y! Draft Grade: C

Y! Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2023)

The good: Golden Boy finally scored more than 80 each of the last two weeks. Bo Nix, Jaxon Smith-Njigba, and Drake London have settled into nice, consistent fantasy play. Cam Skattebo is now taking the bulk of the carries in New York.

The bad: Chase Brown still is on a sucky offense that now turns to Joe Flacco. Tyreek is gone for the year. Saquon has rushed for less than 50 yards three times and has yet to rush for more than 88. And WR Drake London was kept in the starting lineup on a bye.

At this point, the bad outweighs the good. So, for the second straight power rankings I'll ask: can Cam Skattebo save Golden Boy from back-to-back John Porta trophies?

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And just like that, we’re 1/6th of the way through the NFL season. Slow down, professor.

It has been an odd season thus far. Yahoo got us all wrong (what’s new), and plenty of key injuries have shaken up the rosters (what’s new), and there have been a number of players that seemed washed last season that have come back with a vengeance and moved from the end of your benches into the starting lineups (that’s kind of new).

But, hey, wild and wacky is what I thrive on. And while I don’t know that I have you all completely pegged yet, I think there’s enough to go off of to appropriately rank you 1-10. And I’ve done just that.

So, for the first time in the 2025 season:

Read ‘em and weep.

2025 WEEK 3 RANKINGS

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1.

Turn down for Watt

Current Record: (2-1, 2nd)

Y! Draft Grade: D+

Y! Projected Record: (4-10)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 11

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Boom-bust-boom for Turn down for Watt in the first three weeks of the season. The individual performances aside, Turn down for Watt has to feel good about their start, scoffing at Yahoo’s projections of their season. Turn down for Watt has yet to have a game in which they’ve hit on all-cylinders, and yet they’ve scored 112+ twice in three games. That’s a good position to be in.

Spot explosions from Zay Flowers, Emeka Egbuka, Jordan Mason, and the Pittsburgh defense? Great sign.

AJ Brown and Jalen Hurts finding their footing in Week 3? Great sign.

Jahmyr Gibbs finding consistent success in a new Lions offense? Great sign.

It may not all be happening at the same time, but it’s all happening, and that’s a good foreshadowing of what may be possible for this team, that seemingly has no ceiling.

Sure, Younghoe Koo getting released by the Falcons was a downer for the cult-following, but being replaced by a consistent leg in Chad Ryland for a Cardinals offense that will struggle to score TDs without James Conner feels like a good thing.

Keep an eye on Turn down for Watt.

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2.

Ruthlessberger

Current Record: (3-0, 1st)

Y! Draft Grade: D

Y! Projected Record: (3-11)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 9

Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)

Ruthlessberger’s entire existence so far this season seems like comedic irony. Yahoo projected Ruthlessberger to win just 3 games on the year. Ruthlessberger has obliged by becoming the only team with 3 wins so far this year.

Yet, I’m not entirely sure how they’ve gotten there.

A preseason trade with Pewter Pirates sent Josh Jacobs away in exchange for Amon-Ra St. Brown. That left Isaiah Pacheco to hold down the fort as the team’s #1 RB. Pacheco left Ruthlessberger on read, though, and they had to turn to last year’s biggest fantasy disappointment in Travis Etienne. Of course, Etienne decided he remembered who he was from 2023 and has been the one carrying the RB room so far this year.

Ruthlessberger’s QB situation hasn’t been great either. Brock Purdy was injured after Week 1, and replacement CJ Stroud has been pretty terrible in place.

Who has saved the day? Amon-Ra St. Brown. Thank goodness for that trade. If CeeDee Lamb can stay healthy, Brock Purdy comes back stronger, and Etienne continues to turn back time, Ruthlessberger is going to surpass Yahoo’s predictions in short order.

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3. 

Nick’s Fury

Current Record: (2-1, 4th)

Y! Draft Grade: C+

Y! Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

Week 1 was alarming. Newly paid McLaurin, new L.A. Ram Davante Adams, newly back from injury Dak, and newly washed (?) Mark Andrews combined - yes, combined - for a whopping 16.5 points. That’s enough to scare anyone into the trade machine. And that’s exactly what Nick’s Fury did a week later, getting Tetairoa McMillan from ThrowUpThe X for Javonte Williams, capitalizing on Williams’ 19 point outing in Week 2.

Speaking of: Week 2 and 3 have felt much better. Week 2’s output from Williams, Adams, McCaffrey and Achane paced a balanced 119 points from Nick’s Fury. Week 3 wasn’t quite as full of fireworks, and newcomer McMillan only had a hair under 5 points, but all-in-all, Nick’s Fury has managed to survive the first few weeks mostly uninjured and in possession of good weapons (even on the bench - like J.K. Dobbins) that can be week winners any given Sunday.

Early pick Omarion Hampton has not translated into the RB 2-3 that Nick’s Fury drafted them to be, but if time helps Hampton find his rhythm, he could be yet another cog in Nick’s Fury’s wheel.

It may not be a dominant team today, but it’s a balanced team with upside. Often times, those end up being the most dangerous.

#startJKDobbins

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4. 

Butt Fumble

Current Record: (2-1, 3rd)

Y! Draft Grade: B

Y! Projected Record: (10-4)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 12

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

It’s the right roster with the wrong supporting cast to feed the roster.

I mean, what’s not to love about these players? There is talent coursing through this roster. So why the slow decline from Week 1’s 120 points to Week 3’s 98 (which, by the way, some of us would kill for)? Why only 2-1?

Because Tee Higgins doesn’t have a QB to throw him the ball, Devonta Smith has a QB that has been asked not to throw the ball, and the Denver defense has to make up for an offense that can’t sustain drives. Oh, and they ran into a Colts team that decided they were the class of the AFC. Oh, and Derrick Henry can’t stop fumbling. Oh, and the entire bench is full of players on terrible offenses.

Last week’s performance, both in Philadelphia and in Baltimore must have infused some confidence in Butt Fumble. Again, this team is good and it’s right there. They just have to get the right QB play and for Derrick Henry to hang onto the ball. With just those minor changes, Butt Fumble will likely stay in the mix.

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5.

ThrowUpThe X

Current Record: (1-2, 8th)

Y! Draft Grade: D+

Y! Projected Record: (6-8)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 16

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

Preseason expectations for Ashton Jeanty to be a Derrick Henry-esque workhorse have, to this point, not materialized. Pete Carroll, known for having top 10 rushing attacks, has leaned on Geno Smith’s arm through 3 weeks instead of Jeanty on the ground. Didn’t see that coming.

That’s ultra-relevant for ThrowUpThe X who are seemingly a Derrick Henry away from being elite. Josh Allen has been great in reality, but only good in fantasy terms, Nico Collins is struggling to find an elite connection with a deteriorating-before-our-eyes CJ Stroud and Jameson Williams finds himself in an offense with too many mouths to feed to feel completely secure in week-to-week output. That’s probably why ThrowUpThe X pulled the trigger on a trade with Nick’s Fury to bring Javonte Williams in-house. Well, of course, that and the fact that Javonte Williams could add to ThrowUpThe X’s stash of Cowboys players. But, getting Williams came at the price of losing Tetairoa McMillan, who has had an encouraging start to his NFL career.

All of this has left ThrowUpThe X with few options to turn to for consistency, relying on Kamara’s and Boswell’s weekly 10 points, Josh Allen’s 20, and a smattering of other contributors to fill in the rest.

Oh, and there was one of those terrible dances where in Week 1 Michael Pittman Jr. had a great game on the bench while Jameson Williams had a rough outing in the starting lineup, and then in Week 2, Pittman had a rough outing in the starting lineup while Williams had a great game on the bench.

Fantasy football tests the best of us. ThrowUpThe X has a bit of a challenge for consistency ahead.

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6.

Pewter Pirates

Current Record: (1-2, 6th)

Y! Draft Grade: D-

Y! Projected Record: (2-12)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 17

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

Yahoo’s prediction of 2 wins aside, Pewter Pirates headed into Week 1 with a lot of promise. The RB tandem of Josh Jacobs and James Cook, combined with 2024 elites Jayden Daniels, Malik Nabers, George Kittle, Chase McLaughlin and the Baltimore defense looked phenomenal on paper.

Alas, paper isn’t in its hey-day.

Week 1 would see Kittle end up on IR, Jayden Daniels begin a sophomore slump, Chase McLaughlin miss a FG and an XP, and the Nabers-led receiving corps combine for just 15 points.

Maybe 2-12 was accurate?

But then, Week 2. It all came together gloriously for Pewter Pirates, coasting to 150 points with contributions from the whole roster.

Screw 2-12! Here comes Fauxbardi XVII!

Unfortunately, Jayden Daniels and Aaron Jones would be lost to injury, joining Kittle, Godwin, and a suspended Rashee Rice on the bench - a bench that is quickly running out of pine. In turn, Week 3 went about as poorly as it could have, with Baltimore’s defense ending the Monday night game with -4 points - a perfect icing to an awful cake.

Needing some relief from injuries, Pewter Pirates is vulnerable.

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7.

Stevie Kicks

Current Record: (2-1, 5th)

Y! Draft Grade: B+

Y! Projected Record: (8-6)

Manager: Stevie Collins

Years in League: 2

Best Finish: N/A

Thank goodness for … wait … am I reading this right? Yeah, that’s what the teleprompter is saying …

Thank goodness for Rome Odunze and David Montgomery? That’s a tandem we didn’t see leading a team this season, but here we are. In Week 2, Rome Odunze scored 17 points over his projected total in a 17-point win over Jets Jets Jets. Then, in Week 3, Stevie Kicks eeked out an insane come-from-behind victory over Sweet Carolina because of Monday night’s freight train effort from David Montgomery, who scored 28.4 points in a 2.5-point win for Stevie Kicks over Sweet Carolina.

The other game this season? Stevie Kicks probably doesn’t want to relive it. It was the worst performance of any team this season by a country mile - a 58-point effort in Week 1 against Ruthlessberger in which nothing went right.

The future is a little nebulous with Joe Burrow hitting IR and Ja’Marr Chase struggling without a decent QB, but for now, Stevie Kicks will have to ride the wave of shocking performances until a new baseline can be established.

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8.

Sweet Carolina

Current Record: (1-2, 7th)

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Y! Projected Record: (12-2)

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 5

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2024)

Somebody tell me a good mashup name for Jonathan Taylor and Chuba Hubbard because Sweet Carolina NEEDS A NAME for their star(?) RB tandem.

That’s right - it’s not Justin Jefferson (RIP Vikings offense this season) or even Baker Mayfield (those last second drives help, though). It’s also not James Conner or Mike Evans (and thank goodness, because they’re both now injured).

It’s Jonathan Taylor averaging over 20ppg and Chuba Hubbard averaging over 11ppg that are pacing Sweet Carolina. Yes, the record is 1-2 on the season, but Sweet Carolina has scored 100 points each week, which, were it not for some tough matchups, would have meant their record would be better.

The problem now is mitigating losing James Conner for the year (minor issue with JT and Chuba) and Mike Evans for however long his hamstring will hold him out. The latter is the bigger issue between the two, as the WR corps is already Sweet Carolina’s Achilles’ heel.

Still, it’s an above average roster as long as the RB core keeps its production level. The team is better than this ranking, but I have a feeling the injury bug is going to take its toll on Sweet Carolina - at least in the short term.

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9.

Jets Jets Jets

Current Record: (1-2, 9th)

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Y! Projected Record: (11-3)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 17

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

Jets Jets Jets needs to stay away from the radio. It’s been a cacophony of noise coming from sports talk shows about each of the players on Jets Jets Jets roster. Many of the players have started the NFL season as major duds.

Travis Kelce is getting more washed by the day, Brian Thomas Jr. has alligator hands, Ladd McConkey is losing targets to Keenan Allen (yes, he’s back), and Breece Hall is trapped on a Jets team with no quarterback.

What was the most complete team in the league, with the second-best projected preseason record has quickly become a team with more questions than answers.

But, maybe we should have seen it coming. Pewter Pirates had the Mahomes & Kelce pairing last year and scraped and clawed just to make the playoffs. Unless the aerial attack for Jets Jets Jets can get their act together, this could become a deeper hole in a hurry.

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10.

Golden Boy

Current Record: (0-3, 10th)

Y! Draft Grade: C

Y! Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2023)

Sure, they finished last and earned the John Porta trophy last year, but even so, it’s not the start Golden Boy envisioned when the season began.

Entering Week 1 with one of the highest projected point totals in the league, Golden Boys had every reason to be excited: last year’s #1 fantasy RB in Saquon Barkley leading a great RB room, an elite WR corps including Tyreek Hill, Drake London and Jaxon Smith-Njigba, even the upstarts in Bo Nix and Kaleb Johnson gave reason for hope.

All of those hopes have been dashed.

Golden Boy has yet to crack 80 points through the first three weeks. With a nervous Tua, Tyreek Hill has been mediocre at best, Bo Nix has gone full sophomore slump, Kaleb Johnson has negative fantasy points on the year, and an injury to Joe Burrow has allowed defenses to stack the box on Chase Brown.

At this point, Golden Boy doesn’t really have anywhere to turn. Could Miami trade Tyreek to a decent team? Can Saquon get back to 200-yard games? Can Cam Skattebo save Golden Boy from back-to-back John Porta trophies?

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ALL HAIL SWEET CAROLINA.

Michael Schultz’ first championship in the EFL comes in just his 5^th season in the league.

I won’t do a full recap of the playoffs because you were there – you lived it. But, I will give you all a breakdown of two playoff games that deserve our attention, a celebration of how right I was this year, an admission of my wrongs, this season’s MVPs, and a full review of our drafting successes and failures.

I hope you all enjoyed this season as much as I have.

And with that…

Read ‘em and weep.

TWO GAMES THAT DESERVE OUR ATTENTION

1. Quarterfinal: Butt Fumble vs. Turn down for Watt

We wouldn’t normally necessarily get out of our seats for a #4 v. #5 matchup, but maybe we should since it’s theoretically the most likely matchup to be a nail-biter. And, BOY, did this one deliver.

The early-goings looked like it would be a low-scoring slog. Turn down for Watt got just 10 points from Kyler Murray and fat ZERO-burger from Jaylen Waddle. Butt Fumble watched Derrick Henry AND Joe Mixon have their worst games of the season in the same week. Then, in the afternoon and evening games on Sunday, both teams got boosters. It was Brandon Aubrey’s 16 and A.J. Brown’s 17 that kept Butt Fumble in it, while Turn down for Watt got 23 and 26 from Jahmyr Gibbs and James Connor. Going into the Monday night game, Turn down for Watt had a 5.86 point lead and no players remaining.

It would all come down to Butt Fumble’s Jakobi Meyers to determine the result. Through 47 minutes of the Falcons v. Raiders game, Meyers had managed just 3 catches for 26 yards. The underwhelming effort allowed Turn down for Watt to hope that this could mean the semifinals.

But, with 48 seconds remaining in the game, Jakobi Meyers caught a 11 yard pass, cutting Turn down for Watt’s lead to just 2.16 points. Things were hairy, but if Meyers had less than 22 yards, Turn down for Watt would move on. 2 plays later, the Falcons forced the Raiders into a 4^th and 8 situation to potentially end the game. Former Falcon QB Desmond Ridder went back to pass, had no receivers open, hit his RB in the flat, who needed 8 yards and got 8.5 to give the Raiders life with 35 seconds left.

The very next play, Jakobi Meyers reeled in a pass for 22 yards. 22. The Raiders would throw an interception on their next attempt.

Butt Fumble won the game by 1 yard, with the final score 96.20 to 96.16.

2. Championship: ThrowUpThe X vs. Sweet Carolina

It’s not every year that we have a close championship game. In fact, most years we don’t. The average margin of victory in championship games throughout league history is 32.47 points.

The closest margin in any championship through 2023 was 7.02 in Fauxbardi XII (Tompa Bay over Ruthlessberger).

This year, the margin was just 2.4 points. But it could have easily been even closer.

Let me walk you through it.

Just like our #4 v. #5 matchup, the game came down to the Monday night game. But it wasn’t a close game going in. Sweet Carolina had a 52.72 point lead going into the Monday night game, with another 18.80 points projected from Amon-Ra St. Brown and Jauan Jennings. ThrowUpThe X was only projected to score another 40.05 points between four Lions players: Goff, Jameson Williams, Sam LaPorta and Jake Bates. In other words, if both teams hit projections for the Monday night game, ThrowUpThe X would still be 31.47 points short. And conventional wisdom would say much of Goff’s potential to score over his projected for ThrowUpThe X would only help Sweet Carolina, as he has Goff’s #1 option at receiver in St. Brown.

The game did not turn out that way. In fact, it felt like everyone but St. Brown getting the ball. The first half of the game went basically all SF’s way, even blocking one of Bates’ XP attempts (stealing a point from ThrowUpThe X), yet Jauan Jennings had a paltry 2 catches.

But then…Detroit exploded in the 3^rd quarter to take the lead over SF, with both LaPorta and Jameson Williams getting touchdowns, and Jared Goff snagging an extra two points via a successful two-point conversion try. Not only that, but Jauan Jennings had only 32 yards receiving going into the 4^th quarter. All of a sudden, the game was within a couple of points, and the Lions had the ball, giving ThrowUpThe X a good chance at pulling out a shocking victory.

Over the next few plays, Goff had enough completions to move ThrowUpThe X into a 0.2 point lead, driving the Lions down to the SF 30 yard line. It felt like any type of score to anyone other than St. Brown might seal the victory. The very next play, Gibbs ran for a 30 yard TD, not helping either team’s scores, except for the upcoming XP for ThrowUpThe X’s kicker.

Bates missed the XP, culminating in two missed XP opportunities.

That left ThrowUpThe X’s lead at just 0.2 points, with the potential of Jared Goff’s game-ending kneels losing him more than 0.2 points.

ThrowUpThe X saw the writing on the wall.

Sweet Carolina needed just one catch for 3 yards from Jauan Jennings to win it. But Brock wasn’t looking in Jennings’ direction whatsoever. A great defensive play from the Lions set up a 2^nd and long for the 49ers and knocked Brock Purdy out of the game. In came Josh Dobbs at backup WHO PLAYED IN COLLEGE WITH JAUAN JENNINGS. The very next play, Dobbs’ first pass, was a 13 yard completion to Jennings to seal the championship for Sweet Carolina. Jennings would end up with two more catches to extend the lead to 2.2.

The Lions would get the ball back one last time.

Goff knelt twice for, as fate would have it, -2 yards.

In case you didn’t catch the insanity of this:

· Before the 49ers got the ball back, ThrowUpThe X was winning by 0.2 points.

· If Purdy hadn’t gotten hurt, Dobbs wouldn’t have come in as backup QB.

· If Dobbs hadn’t come in and had the past camaraderie with Jennings, it’s highly likely that Jennings would not have caught another pass.

· The Lions would have gotten the ball back and knelt twice for -0.2 points.

THE CHAMPIONSHIP MIGHT HAVE ENDED IN A TIE.

And, if the championship had ended in a tie, the tiebreaker would have been ThrowUpThe X and Sweet Carolina’s head-to-head matchup in the regular season.

ThrowUpThe X won that game… meaning we would have had a DIFFERENT CHAMPION.

BONKERS, RIGHT?!

Sweet Carolina needs to send Josh Dobbs a fruit basket.

Instead, ThrowUpThe X secured their fifth runner-up finish in Elite Fantasy League championship games (yes, that’s five, as in, the number after four, as in, you’ve-gotta-be-freaking-kidding-me).

All in all, absolutely without-a-doubt the best championship game in League history.

RIGHTS AND WRONGS

Where I was right:

• I had almost everyone pegged this year. In my first power rankings of the season, just after we drafted our teams, I put Sweet Carolina, ThrowUpThe X, and Nick’s Fury in our top three. They finished 1^st, 2^nd, and 4^th.

• I also had Pewter Pirates and Turn down for Watt as #4 and #5. They finished #5 & #6.

• I had Stevie Kicks at #6. They finished #7.

• I had Jets Jets Jets and Golden Boy as #8 and #9. They finished #8 and #10.

Where I was wrong:

• Why were almost all of the above predictions just 1 off? Because I completely miscalculated on Butt Fumble, who I suspected had the worst team in the league.

  Butt Fumble had the last laugh as they took home bronze this year.

  Butt Fumble, I apologize, I was not familiar with your game.

• I also had a tiny bit more faith in Ruthlessberger than maybe I should have. But my skepticism of Travis Kelce and Drake London and Jordan Love that I mentioned in our first rankings did end up becoming reality, so kinda a win tbh.

MVPs of 2024

Notable:

• Nick’s Fury & Golden Boy are both QB gluttons.

• Sweet Carolina had a top 5 player in five of six categories (all except DEF, which contributes the least points out of all categories).

• Turn down for Watt also had a top 5 player in five of six categories (all except QB, which contributes the most points out of all categories).

• Ruthlessberger, Golden Boy, and Jets Jets Jets each only had one category with a top 5 player.

HINDSIGHT IS 20/20: DRAFT EDITION

Notable Gems

• Baker Mayfield, the last QB taken in the draft, finished QB #5 for Nick’s Fury.

• Chuba Hubbard, the last RB taken in the draft, finished RB #13 for Jets Jets Jets.

• Tyrone Tracy Jr., the second-to-last RB taken in the draft, finished RB #27 for Golden Boy, despite getting his first start in Week 5.

• Jerry Jeudy, the last WR taken in the draft, finished WR #16 for Butt Fumble.

• Philadelphia DEF, the very last pick in the draft (by Stevie Kicks), finished DEF #7 for Golden Boy.

Notable Wiffs

• CMC, #1 overall, finished as RB #70 for Stevie Kicks. Ezekiel Elliot scored 50% more points than CMC this season.

• CeeDee Lamb, 1^st WR off the board and #2 overall, finished as WR #6 for Jets Jets Jets.

• Garret Wilson, #8 WR off the board, finished as WR #15 for Nick’s Fury.

• Travis Kelce, 1^st TE off the board and 23^rd overall, finished as TE #9. The ninth TE taken was selected at pick 101.

• Breece Hall, #2 RB off the board and #5 overall, finished as RB #18 for Golden Boy. The 18^th RB was selected at pick 49.

• CJ Stroud (#3 QB off the board), Dak (#5 off the board), and Mahomes (#6 off the board), finished as QB 18, QB 30, and QB 10, for ThrowUpThe X, Butt Fumble, and Pewter Pirates, respectively.

• Baltimore DEF (#1 DEF off the board), Dallas DEF (#2), NYJ DEF (#4), SF DEF (#5) finished as DEF 14, DEF 23, DEF 27, DEF 19, for Pewter Pirates, ThrowUpThe X, and Nick’s Fury, respectively. To put that in perspective, the Chicago Bears defense scored more points than any of the top 5 defenses drafted not named Pittsburgh. The Bears are currently 4-12.

Hopefully, this both helps you cope with your failures this season and prepare you for next season. Unless you’re Sweet Carolina, in which case, you’re just laughing at us.

Ah, fantasy football. You wily bastard.

Better luck next year, fellas!

This is it: one week to determine it all.

How'd we get here so fast?

The last 4 weeks have created some larger gaps in the standings than we had seen last rankings, when all teams were no more than 4 games apart. Now, we have some more clarity - at least, outside of the 5 teams still fighting for 8th seed or better.

Sweet Carolina has proven to be this year's true top-performer, but not so unbeatable as to feel like the season’s outcome is all but wrapped up. Everyone not named Golden Boy still has a chance.

Hero Team since last rankings: Pewter Pirates, winning 3 in a row to pull themselves out of John Porta trophy contention and into the playoffs.

Zero Team since last rankings: Golden Boy, losing 7 straight to become our John Porta favorite.

Adding to the chaos of the final week’s fervor is BYE WEEK MAYHEM for the vast majority of the league. Is your roster deep enough to pull out a win when you need it most at less than full strength?

Thanks for asking!

Read ‘em and weep.

2024 WEEK 13 RANKINGS

Fauxbardi XVI Favorites

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1.

Sweet Carolina

Current Record: (9-4, 2nd)

Week 9 Rank: 2 (+1)

Y! Draft Grade: D+

Y! Projected Record: (4-10)

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

PLAYOFF SEEDING

#1 Seed: WIN + ThrowUpThe X LOSS

There's just too much talent here NOT to score a bazillion points a week. Sweet Carolina has scored less than 110 points only twice this entire season. To make things even scarier, their last 4 games have been their best run of the entire season: 118, 140, 134, 136. They've scored 160 more points than anyone else in the league (good for an additional 12 points per game on average).

Frankly, there isn't another team in this league that can compete with that. Will that consistency continue? Great news: many of Sweet Carolina's best contributors are on teams that will likely be fighting for playoffs positioning until the last week (Saquon, Lamar, Amon-Ra, Mike Evans, etc.). Barring any unforeseen setbacks, they'll be the odds-on-favorite to hold their first ever Fauxbardi.

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2.

Nick’s Fury

Current Record: (8-5, 4th)

Week 9 Rank: 1 (-1)

Y! Draft Grade: C+

Y! Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 6

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

PLAYOFF SEEDING

#3 Seed: WIN + Butt Fumble LOSS, OR WIN + Butt Fumble WIN + Score 17 more than Butt Fumble, OR LOSS + Butt Fumble LOSS + Score 17 more than Butt Fumble

Nick's Fury might be 2-2 in their last 4, but it's actually looked a lot worse than that. The RB room is suspect at best, and the WR room doesn't seem to get it together at the same time. So, why is Nick's Fury still ranked #2?

Well, for one, ThrowUpThe X doesn't deserve to be here for reasons listed below. For another, Butt Fumble hasn't been any better over the same 4 game stretch. And lastly, and maybe most importantly, I just trust this roster more for some reason.

Josh Allen, Bijan Robinson, Cooper Kupp, Terry McLaurin, and Cortland Sutton (apparently) are all 15-25 points machines. Sure, Garrett Wilson and the 49ers defense are disappointing...but they still have the ability to deliver at any given week. And for those reasons, I believe Nick's Fury could make a run in the playoffs. I'm not gonna bet on them, but I think they could.

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3. 

Butt Fumble

Current Record: (8-5, 3rd)

Week 9 Rank: 3 (-)

Y!  Draft Grade: D+

Y!  Projected Record: (5-9)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 11

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

PLAYOFF SEEDING

#3 Seed: WIN + Nick's Fury LOSS, OR WIN + Nick's Fury WIN + Score no less than 16 less than Nick's Fury, OR LOSS + Nick's Fury LOSS + Score no less than 16 less than Nick's Fury

Butt Fumble hasn't been spectacular lately, but they're heating up at the right time. In their last 4 games, they've got a nice line graph forming: 88, 94, 106, 116.

In hindsight, Derrick Henry & Joe Mixon have been the best RB tandem in the league.

What NOBODY saw coming is a team being led by Russell Wilson and Bo Nix finding a top seed in the playoffs. Butt Fumble has done well to fill in their roster gaps in the waiver wire.

Also worth noting, AJ Brown, Ladd McConkey, George Pickens, and DJ Moore all range between 100-110 points on the season. That's a pretty deep WR corps right there. Who would've thought?

In light of the early season success of Butt Fumble's two-headed monster of Derrick Henry and Brandon Aubrey, one more surprise: Butt Fumble hasn't gotten more than 9 points from Brandon Aubrey since Week 6. How is that possible? Because when Brandon Aubrey left for jury duty, Butt Fumble picked up Austin Seibert. Meaning, Butt Fumble has had the 3rd-best and 7th-best kickers (points-wise) both on their roster this season.

Hire Austin for all of your scouting reports needs.

This team can beat anyone at their best, but might be less than likely to be at their best each week. We'll see how far they can go in the playoffs.

Happy to Play for Bronze

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4. 

ThrowUpThe X

Current Record: (10-3, 1st)

Week 9 Rank: 4 (-)

Y!  Draft Grade: B-

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

PLAYOFF SEEDING

#1 Seed: WIN

#2 Seed: LOSS + Sweet Carolina WIN

One win away from locking up the #1 seed going into the playoffs - all of us would've been happy with that before the season started.

Yet, somehow, I don't think ThrowUpThe X is feeling the most comfortable at this moment. It hasn't exactly been pretty lately for ThrowUpThe X. Their last 5 games have included 3 performances under 88 points. In fact, their recent slide spurred me to look more deeply into their 7-0 start. What did I find?

That ThrowUpThe X is a pretender.

Harsh?

If playoff seeding were based on points scored over the course of the season, ThrowUpThe X would have been ninth in the league all the way up until last week. Yes, you read that right, they would not have even made the playoffs were it not for some lack luster showings from Jets Jets Jets pushing them into 8th going into the final week of the season. So, how then did they rack up 10 wins this season? I'll tell you: because they have far-and-away the lowest Points Against in the league. To put the impact of that into context, ThrowUpThe X's opponents score 19 points per game LESS than Turn down for Watt's opponents. 19!

The good news for ThrowUpThe X is that they've taken advantage of the hand they were dealt and are the #1 seed, with potential to make a playoff run in spite of their true performance. But this team isn't a true contender.

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5.

Turn down for Watt

Current Record: (6-7, 5th)

Week 9 Rank: 5 (-)

Y!  Draft Grade: B+

Y!  Projected Record: (10-4)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 10

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

PLAYOFF SEEDING

6th Seed: LOSS + Stevie Kicks LOSS + Pewter Pirates LOSS, OR LOSS + Stevie Kicks and/or Pewter Pirates WIN + Have Points For edge

7th Seed: LOSS + Stevie Kicks and/or Pewter Pirates WIN + only have Points For edge over one team

8th Seed: LOSS + Stevie Kicks AND Pewter Pirates WIN + do not have Points For edge

There's more to like about the roster itself than the performances it has produced.

Jalen Hurts, Ja'Marr Chase, Jahmyr Gibbs, George Kittle, Steelers defense, Waddle & Dell to round out the WR corps... what's not to like about that? And, to their credit, Turn down for Watt has had 3 HUGE games from their team scoring in the 130s and 140s.

Unfortunately, outside of those, Turn down for Watt averages around 90 points per game.

From a playoff seeding standpoint, Turn down for Watt can secure the 5th Seed simply with a win over Jets Jets Jets, likely setting them up with a first-round tango with Butt Fumble of Nick's Fury. It really doesn't matter who Turn down for Watt matches up with. They'll either have a breakout 140 point game and stomp or grind out a 94 point game and hope to make it to the next round. My guess is that this team is an early out in the playoffs, but if it finds some consistency, this team could be a darkhorse.

Happy to Make the Playoffs

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6.

Pewter Pirates

Current Record: (5-8, 8th)

Week 9 Rank: 10 (+4)

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Y! Projected Record: (11-3)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 16+

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

PLAYOFF SEEDING

6th Seed: WIN + Jets Jets Jets LOSS + Stevie Kicks LOSS, OR WIN + Turn down for Watt LOSS + Stevie Kicks LOSS + score 48 more points than Turn down for Watt

7th Seed: WIN + Stevie Kicks WIN + Jets Jets Jets LOSS, OR WIN + Stevie Kicks WIN + Turn down for Watt LOSS + score 48 more points than Turn down for Watt, OR WIN + Jets Jets Jets/Turn down for Watt WIN + Stevie Kicks LOSS.

9th Seed: LOSS + Ruthlessberger WIN

Following a 3-game win streak, Pewter Pirates finds themselves out of the toilet and (precariously) in the playoff mix. Incredibly, the team has gone from 10th to hunting down the 7th seed (and even 6th with a lot of help) on the backs of a finally-healthy-at-the-same-time Puka Nacua, Nico Collins, and Tua Tagovailoa. Jonathan Taylor and Aaron Jones haven't exactly been consistent, but Brock Bowers and Chris Boswell have each been the best player at their position this season. Pewter Pirates has star-power at every level and just has to survive Week 14's brutal BYEs to squeeze into the playoffs.

If Pewter Pirates is able to make the playoffs, it will be a dangerous team, especially for any team not named Sweet Carolina.

If Pewter Pirates fails to make the playoffs, it will have been a disappointing culmination to a season that began with great promise, but at least they won't be at risk of winning the other trophy - that is, unless Golden Boy has a 250-point effort stored up for this week.

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7.

Stevie Kicks

Current Record: (5-8, 7th)

Week 9 Rank: 6 (-1)

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Y! Projected Record: (12-2)

Manager: Stevie Collins

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

PLAYOFF SEEDING

6th Seed: WIN + Jets Jets Jets LOSS, OR Win + Turn down for Watt LOSS + maintain Points For edge

8th Seed: LOSS + Pewter Pirates WIN

9th Seed: LOSS + Pewter Pirates WIN + Ruthlessberger WIN + scoring no more than 55 less points than Ruthlessberger

Stevie Kicks went 10 weeks without their #1 pick, and still managed to hang onto playoff positioning.

Then, CMC RETURNED. The entire outlook on Stevie Kicks' season flipped on its head with the perennial 17-point-per-game CMC now entering the fold. Championship aspirations flashed in Stevie Kicks' eyes, set behind his now rose-colored glasses.

Unfortunately, in 4 games, CMC combined for just 32 points, and has once again been placed on IR, which will be the end of CMC for Stevie Kicks this season. It's hard to stomach just 32 points for a #1 pick in an entire season.

We thought Stevie Kicks got beginner's luck to get the #1 overall pick in his first year in Elite Fantasy. Instead, we should all be thanking him for jumping on the grenade.

Stevie Kicks' playoff seeding may be up in the air, but the outcome of their season is not. This team will be an early exit. In fact, I'm so confident that Stevie Kicks won't win a title, that he and I just shook on a $5 bet where I'm giving him 4:1 odds.

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8.

Jets Jets Jets

Current Record: (6-7, 6th)

Week 9 Rank: 7 (-1)

Y! Draft Grade: D

Y! Projected Record: (3-11)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 16

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

PLAYOFF SEEDING

5th Seed: WIN

7th Seed: LOSS + Stevie Kicks WIN, OR LOSS + Stevie Kicks LOSS + Pewter Pirates WIN

8th Seed: LOSS + Stevie Kicks WIN + Pewter Pirates WIN

In their last four, Jets Jets Jets has had 1 great showing and 3 absolute duds. Still, the team sits at 6-7, locked into a playoff spot, with lots of movement still possible. It's less likely that Jets Jets Jets stays at the 6th seed than moves to either 5 or 7. Jets Jets Jets really should be hoping for a win in our final week against Turn down for Watt, as it would guarantee not getting matched up with Sweet Carolina in the first round of the playoffs (and gets the team back to an even 7-7 on the year, which just feels kinda nice).

Even dropping to the 8th seed probably wouldn't be a bad outcome for Jets Jets Jets, as it means they would likely matchup with slumping ThrowUpThe X.

The one good game in the last 4 was the same success story as what has carried Jets Jets Jets to this point: their running backs. Josh Jacobs, Chuba Hubbard, and Tony Pollard combined for 61 points in that game. Jets Jets Jets hasn't had reliable QB play or WR play all season (despite the star power that CeeDee Lamb, DeAndre Hopkins and DK Metcalf were supposed to provide).

Jets Jets Jets might not have a trophy-level ceiling, but their consistency and ability to hover right around the 100 point mark could lead to an upset should they matchup with a team having an off-week.

The John Porta Bowl

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9.

Ruthlessberger

Current Record: (4-9, 9th)

Week 9 Rank: 8 (-1)

Y! Draft Grade: B

Y! Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 8

Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)

PLAYOFF SEEDING

7th Seed: WIN + Pewter Pirates LOSS + Stevie Kicks LOSS + score 55 more points than Stevie Kicks

8th Seed: WIN + Pewter Pirates LOSS + score 4 more points than Pewter Pirates

10th Seed: LOSS + Golden Boy WIN

Ruthlessberger has the misfortune of being the only team in the league this year to have 3 losses in which they scored at least 100 points. If even just one of those games went a different direction, Ruthlessberger would likely be a playoff team.

Alas, their current 3-game losing streak has dropped them into 9th position and at risk for not just losing out on the playoffs, but possibly in going from first to worst, just two seasons after going from worst to first.

It's not any one thing you can point to either - it's just been a general disappointment. Pacheco went on IR early in the year, Jettas hasn't been quite what he was last year, Travis Kelce has been a bum, Jordan Love has been inconsistent at best, and Nick Chubb didn't get back fast enough, and even when he did return, it wasn't to his old self.

It feels like if you restarted the season and let this team try again, it'd have to be better. Unfortunately, fantasy football affords no mulligans, and Ruthlessberger's realistic best hope is the 8th seed, which is only possible if they knock off the league's hottest team.

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10.

Golden Boy

Current Record: (4-9, 10th)

Week 9 Rank: 9 (-1)

Y! Draft Grade: D-

Y! Projected Record: (4-10)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 3

Best Finish: 3rd (2023)

PLAYOFF SEEDING

9th Seed: WIN + Ruthlessberger LOSS

This might be the one team that Yahoo! pegged correctly before the season started. Golden Boy raced to 4 wins and looked to laugh at Yahoo!’s projected record going into Week 7. Probably not the best time to go on a 7 game losing streak.

Golden Boy's fall from grace after the 4-2 start is the only reason Pewter Pirates made it out of the cellar.

It's truly been remarkable: Golden Boy's fall didn't included empty roster spots or failed-to-swap-out-BYE-players until Devonta Smith's hamstring in Week 12. It's just been a true coming-apart-at-the-seams type of situation for Golden Boy, despite being led by two great QBs in Burrow and Daniels.

Alas, Golden Boy has not been a waiver wire king, keeping Rashid Shaheed on the roster despite being on IR, and employing the Saints defense until Week 11 or so. It's safe to say that with all of those misfortunes, Golden Boy will likely win the John Porta trophy.

Leave a comment

There’s five weeks to go in our regular season and the last three weeks have called into question everything we once thought we knew.

A thought that just struck me: Do we talk enough about our two divisions in the league? What may seem like an arbitrary formality actually holds playoff weight, as the two division leaders are automatically assigned #1 and #2 seed in the playoffs. In that past, this really hasn’t played a large factor. Enter: this season. While Division 2 lagged in the win-loss columns compared to Division 1 for most of the early going in this season, we now find ourselves in a different place. Currently, every single team in Division 1 finds themselves on a losing streak, which, in turn, means every single team in Division 2 finds themselves on a winning streak. Why does that matter? It means that a team with a worse record could theoretically jump a group of Division 1ers and end up as the #2 seed. Could that make a difference in making it out of the historically-upset-heavy first round?

Something to stew on as we look at where everyone stands 9 weeks in.

Oh, and keep an eye on the 8th seed. Currently, four teams are tied in the win/loss column for the 8th seed, and the entire league outside of ThrowUpThe X are within two games of the 8th seed. Boy, oh boy. It’s gonna be a wild mad dash, innit?

Read ‘em and weep.

2024 WEEK 3 RANKINGS

The Fauxbardi XVI Favorites

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1.

Nick’s Fury

Current Record: (6-3, 2nd [Division 2 leader])

Week 6 Rank: 4 (+3)

Y!  Draft Grade: C+

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 6

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

Nick’s Fury continues their meteoric rise through our rankings, occupying the 8th spot just 6 weeks ago.

And for good reason: Nick’s Fury hasn’t scored less than 111 points since Week 5 en route to a 4-game win streak and cementing themselves as the hottest team in the league.

We knew Bijan Robinson would likely be this team’s option 1A for scoring, but who have been the 1B, 1C, and 1D options? The unlikely and somewhat misfit bunch of Baker Mayfield, Garrett Wilson, and Kareem Hunt (the latter of which we all had a chance to pick up on waivers but none of us truly believed in). Who’d have thunk?

I don’t know if trustworthy is the right word when thinking of how I feel about this team’s performances of late, but, heck, I’m on the Nick’s Fury bandwagon.

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2.

Sweet Carolina

Current Record: (5-4, 4th)

Week 6 Rank: 2 (-)

Y!  Draft Grade: D+

Y!  Projected Record: (4-10) 

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

Sweet Carolina’s only loss over the last three weeks has been a 3-point loss to Nick’s Fury. And you know what? It’s hard to even be mad at that loss, because DID YOU SEE THIS?

The audacity to hurdle someone backwards is second-to-none, and for that reason and that reason alone it’s easy to see the reason Sweet Carolina leads the league in points: Saquon Muthaeffin Barkley.

Sure, it was a bummer losing Mike Evans to a hamstring injury, especially after already having to replace Rashee Rice this season, but Sweet Carolina has managed to have a production boom to stem the tide from the most unlikely of positions: tight-end. Mark Andrews and Cade Otton are legitimately a threat to play at both tight-end and FLEX on any given week.

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3. 

Butt Fumble

Current Record: (6-3, 3rd)

Week 6 Rank: 3 (-)

Y!  Draft Grade: D+

Y!  Projected Record: (5-9)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 11

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

The key to Butt Fumble’s success has been consistency. There are only two weeks all season where Butt Fumble has scored less than 100 points, and they’ve never scored less than 90. Following a three-game winning streak between Weeks 6-8, Butt Fumble lost to red-hot Nick’s Fury, but not before putting themselves one win away from locking in a playoff spot.

Maybe the most blatant learning, though, is that Derrick Henry covers a multitude of sins. Dak, AJ Brown, George Pickens and DJ Moore haven’t exactly been great over the last many weeks, but Derrick Henry and Joe Mixon have. Sprinkle in some solid TE and Kicking and apparently you have a recipe for a winning season. Jury duty, shmury duty.

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4. 

ThrowUpThe X

Current Record: (7-2, 1st)

Week 6 Rank: 1 (-3)

Y!  Draft Grade: B-

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

Three weeks, three bad games, two losses.

Before Week 7 began, ThrowUpThe X scoffed at Yahoo!’s projected regular season record of 7-7. Sitting at 6-0 with only green grass ahead, ThrowUpThe X wondered if they’d ever lose again. Never scoff at the fantasy gods.

ThrowUpThe X somehow won in Week 7 despite scoring just 72 points, but it was the beginning of a major drop-off for our former #1, who now sits at 7th out of 10 teams in points scored.

The drop-off has been a full team effort. Stroud began regressing, Chris Godwin and Zach Moss fell to likely season-ending injuries, and Jameson Williams got suspended.

ThrowUpThe X is going to have to lean into the next-man-up mentality, hoping to find momentum again before the playoffs.

The 4-5 Teams That Don’t Know Which Trophy They Might Be Hunting

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5.

Turn down for Watt

Current Record: (4-5, 5th)

Week 6 Rank: 7 (+2)

Y!  Draft Grade: B+

Y!  Projected Record: (10-4)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 10

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Let’s start with a brief reminder that this team was once 0-3. Winners of 4 of 6, Turn down for Watt has brought themselves back from the cellar with some remarkable flashes of brilliance in between. They’ve won each game they’ve scored over 100 points during that 6-game span, and managed two games scoring over 135. The last three weeks, Jalen Hurts has found his old self, scoring nearly 30 points per game, including 3 rushing TDs in a Week 8 explosion, while leading Turn down for Watt to a shootout win over Pewter Pirates.

Ja’Marr Chase, James Connor, and Jahmyr Gibbs have all been great as well, each averaging close to 15 points per game.

This is the type of team that can get hot in a hurry and not the team you want to find yourself playing down the stretch while jostling for playoff positioning.

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6.

Stevie Kicks

Current Record: (4-5, 6th)

Week 6 Rank: 8 (+2)

Y!  Draft Grade: A+

Y!  Projected Record: (12-2)

Manager: Stevie Collins

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

Where did that come from!? Stevie Kicks halted a 5-game skid in some seriously impressive fashion over the last two weeks.

In Week 9, Stevie Kicks scored the most points we’ve seen so far this season in a single game with 158 points. Who was it led by? Why, the Seahawks Big Three, of course. Who are the Seahawks Big Three? Good question, because before last week, we didn’t know they had one. Geno Smith, Jaxon Smith-Njigba and Kenneth Walker III combined for 66 points on their own. Chase Brown, Devon Achane and the Chargers defense combined for another 64, and the rest of the roster filled in another 30 or so.

Can we trust that production to continue? Who cares! Stevie Kicks was once at risk of never winning a game again and now find themselves in the top half of the standings. They’ll take that with just 5 games left.

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7.

Jets Jets Jets

Current Record: (4-5, 7th)

Week 6 Rank: 10 (+3)

Y!  Draft Grade: D

Y!  Projected Record: (3-11)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 16

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

Jets Jets Jets, once mired in a streak of scoring in the 80s, is now in a streak of scoring in the 100s.

Averaging over 115 points per game since Week 6, Jets Jets Jets now finds themselves with a 4-5 record and pressuring the top half of the league.

Who’s led the way? 20+ points from Brock Purdy and Aaron Rodgers each week, an apparently-here-to-stay Chuba Hubbard, and one WR per week (with cameos from CeeDee Lamb and DeAndre Hopkins) and Josh Jacobs.

It’s not necessarily a bunch that will strike fear into the hearts of their opponents each week, but solid scoring production seems sustainable from a group that once felt like it had nowhere to turn.

The Teams That Are Looking to Find Their Mojo Before The John Porta Trophy Finds Them

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8.

Ruthlessberger

Current Record: (3-6, 9th)

Week 6 Rank: 6 (-2)

Y!  Draft Grade: B

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 8

Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)

If you’re looking for an interesting team to keep your eye on over the last 5 weeks of the season, look no further than Ruthlessberger.

Over the last 3 weeks, Ruthlessberger is averaging somewhere between 5 and 6 players per week in double figures. In most cases, that’s enough to get some wins. Unfortunately for Ruthlessberger, that type of roster balance has primarily flopped, leading them to a 3-6 record and 9th in the league.

Why? Because usually teams are relatively point-heavy on 1-2 positions, with QB and RB usually leading the way. Ruthlessberger is different - they’ve been searching for consistent QB play all season. Goff and Love have been more prone to score 12 points than 20, and Ruthlessberger’s balanced approach ultimately needs a little less balance. Should a Goff or Love find themselves on a heater in the next few weeks, Ruthlessberger could very easily find themselves in the playoffs as a dangerous lower seed.

An unprecedented third straight title feels a little out of reach at this moment, but one can never really predict fantasy football, can they?

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9.

Golden Boy

Current Record: (4-5, 8th)

Week 6 Rank: 5 (-4)

Y!  Draft Grade: D-

Y!  Projected Record: (4-10)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 3

Best Finish: 3rd (2023)

That 3-game win streak that we said was a little flukey since each game was under 100-points? Yeah, it quickly turned into a 3-game losing streak.

Week 7 was just abysmal. Jayden Daniels, Marvin Harrison Jr., Devonta Smith, and Davonte Adams combined for 10.14 points.

So, in Week 8, Golden Boy made the obvious choice and swapped Jayden Daniels for Joe Burrow. Except, this time, Jayden Daniels outplayed Burrow by 9 points. Golden Boy lost by 8 points to Butt Fumble. Bad beat.

Unfortunately, in Week 9, Golden Boy never had a chance, with the entire roster not named Joe Burrow and the Devonta/Davonte duo underperforming.

Golden Boy hasn’t scored 100 points since Week 2 and have the lowest point total in the league. Incredibly, they are still in the 8th position based on win/loss record and hoping to hold that over the next 5 weeks.

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10.

Pewter Pirates

Current Record: (2-7, 10th)

Week 6 Rank: 9 (-1)

Y!  Draft Grade: A+

Y!  Projected Record: (11-3)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 16+

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

The good news since we last had a rankings:

• Patrick Mahomes scored over 20 points for the first time all season in Week 9

• Puka Nacua came back from IR for the first time since going down in Week 1

• Pewter Pirates scored 120 points in Week 8

The bad news:

• Patrick Mahomes scored over 20 points for the first time all season in Week effing 9

• Only one game with Puka Nacua and Nico Collins all year

• Turn down for Watt scored 142 points in Week 8

Pewter Pirates haven’t managed a victory since Week 5 and now find themselves two games back from the final playoff spot. Covering that ground over the last 5 weeks of the regular season seems less likely than earning their very first John Porta trophy. Unfortunately, WR injuries and Patrick Mahomes have done-in a season that started with such promise.

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Over the last three weeks, three or four of us kept status quo. The rest went ABSOLUTELY BONKERS!

Streaks and slides all over the place. Half of the league has a streak going that’s extended at a minimum 3 games. That’s always going to be cause for some moving and shaking in the power rankings.

Let’s go ahead and unpack everything.

Read ‘em and weep.

2024 WEEK 3 RANKINGS

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1.

ThrowUpThe X

Current Record: (6-0, 1st)

Week 3 Rank: 1 (-)

Y!  Draft Grade: B-

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

Right after anointing ThrowUpThe X and Sweet Carolina our league’s 1&2, they matched up against each other in Week 4. It was as juicy as you can imagine it would have been. Stroud and Jackson matched each other, point for point. ThrowUpThe X’s RBs, matched by Sweet Carolina’s WRs. The defining factor? Sweet Carolina left Rashee Rice in the lineup, who had just been designated for IR, in a 104-96 loss. Would-have-been-replacement WR Jordan Addison had 19 points on the bench.

At that point, I wondered if my rankings had been wrong. Should the teams at the top have been swapped?

But, two more weeks and two more wins later, ThrowUpThe X has established themselves at the top of our rankings and our league. And, as for my doubts, as any good Jordan fan would say, “6-0, baby. 6-0.”

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2.

Sweet Carolina

Current Record: (3-3, 2nd [division leader])

Week 3 Rank: 2 (-)

Y!  Draft Grade: D+

Y!  Projected Record: (4-10) 

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

Lose three in a row and stay in 2nd in the power rankings? Yes, it’s a bit wonky, but so are the last three weeks. Sweet Carolina’s opponents have averaged 125 points per game against them in the last 3 weeks. Tough to hold that against them, especially when the next teams on this list, while good, have their injury flaws too. It is worth emphasizing that the Rashee Rice injury is noteworthy and Mark Andrews has been a huge disappointment at TE. But, if this team keeps consistently putting up 100 point performances, the losing streak is going to turn into a winning streak.

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3. 

Butt Fumble

Current Record: (4-2, 3rd)

Week 3 Rank: 5 (+2)

Y!  Draft Grade: D+

Y!  Projected Record: (5-9)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 11

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

“Nonetheless, Butt Fumble will go as far as Dallas and King Henry will carry them.”

Echoing our last power rankings, the Derrick Henry machine keeps churning. Butt fumble has continued to ride monster performances from their star RB and 10+ point consistency from Brandon Aubrey. What else could you need? I guess the 22 points from DJ Moore helped in Week 5 and the 25 points from Joe Mixon helped last week, but really this team has been a turnstile at QB, WR, and RB2 all season and it hasn’t mattered one single bit.

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4. 

Nick’s Fury

Current Record: (3-3, 5th)

Week 3 Rank: 6 (+2)

Y!  Draft Grade: C+

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 6

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

The “almosts” finally came together for Nick’s Fury in Weeks 4 and 6. Where Jayden Reed was the only contributing WR for the first few weeks, now Nick’s Fury doesn’t have enough roster spots for WRs attempting to contribute 15 points per game. Not only that, but an odd QB conundrum has come up: should he start Josh Allen and get 25 points or Baker Mayfield and get 25 points? What a pickle. Now winners of 3 of 4, Nick’s Fury is rising in standings and point totals and threatening the top of the league.

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5.

Golden Boy

Current Record: (4-2, 4th)

Week 3 Rank: 8 (+3)

Y!  Draft Grade: D-

Y!  Projected Record: (4-10)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 3

Best Finish: 3rd (2023)

Golden Boy is riding high on a 3-game winning streak. But, while 4-2 is 4-2, it’s hard to trust Golden Boy, who has the 3rd-lowest point total in the league. Each of the 3 wins during the streak have happened while scoring less than 100 points. still, I can think of at least 4 other teams in the league that would trade places. The problem is, if any of them catch Golden Boy in wins, trading places is a probably reality based on points.

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6.

Ruthlessberger

Current Record: (2-4, 6th)

Week 3 Rank: 9 (+3)

Y!  Draft Grade: B

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 8

Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)

What started abysmally has started turning around for Ruthlessberger, who now finds themselves in 6th position in the standings after starting 0-3. That has to feel really good. Speaking of feeling good, after stashing him for 6 weeks, is Nick Chubb finally ready to return as a workhorse? If so, Pacheco’s injury might finally be in the rearview mirror for this team.

Odd fact of the week:

Across three leagues that I am in this year, each of the teams that has Kelce also has Swift on the roster. In the case of our league, it's Ruthlessberger. Our subconscious is so weird.

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7.

Turn down for Watt

Current Record: (2-4, 7th)

Week 3 Rank: 10 (+3)

Y!  Draft Grade: B+

Y!  Projected Record: (10-4)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 10

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

That’s more like it. After an 0-3 start, Turn down for Watt has won 2 of 3, including Week 5’s 138 point explosion over Sweet Carolina. This team is looking much more like the team it was expected to be and its balance is evident over the last 3 weeks. The only downside is unpredictable QB play. Jalen Hurts and Kyler Murray should both be offering 30-point upside in games this year, but save for a singular week, that hasn’t been the case. If that changes, Turn down for Watt becomes increasingly dangerous.

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8.

Stevie Kicks

Current Record: (2-4, 9th)

Week 3 Rank: 4 (-4)

Y!  Draft Grade: A+

Y!  Projected Record: (12-2)

Manager: Stevie Collins

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

After two quick wins to start the season, Yahoo’s preseason favorite has stumbled in 4 straight. McCaffrey still hasn’t played this season and Anthony Richardson has failed to pan out. Add to that spot injuries to KWIII and Nabers and this team has been forced to be active on waivers, which, to their credit, they have. It’s probably the only thing keeping them alive until CMC’s debut.

The good news: Stevie Kicks will be full-strength soon, and they are currently tied for the last playoff spot.

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9.

Pewter Pirates

Current Record: (2-4, 8th)

Week 3 Rank: 7 (-2)

Y!  Draft Grade: A+

Y!  Projected Record: (11-3)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 16+

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

“A great running game from Jonathan Taylor, Aaron Jones, Devin Singletary and JK Dobbins is keeping Pewter Pirates afloat (just barely) until the aerial attack turns it around.” - Week 3 PR

I’ve gotta stop saying stuff.

If you’re wondering why Wandale Robinson is my WR1 the last 3 or so weeks and why Alexander Mattison is starting for me this week, and why Pewter Pirates altogether is 2-4 this year, look no further than this screenshot of my bench last week:

There’s only so much you can do when your entire team is on the bench. The only reason Pewter Pirates isn’t 10th in this week’s power rankings is because there is hope for something better when the roster is healthy. The problem is it might be too late by then.

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10.

Jets Jets Jets

Current Record: (2-4, 10th)

Week 3 Rank: 3 (-7)

Y!  Draft Grade: D

Y!  Projected Record: (3-11)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 16

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

A three game skid and a massive tumble.

Since Week 3, Jets Jets Jets have been stuck in the 80s.

84.5 in Week 4, 84.1 in Week 5, 89.6 in Week 6. The worst part is, despite the positives that their last game offered, both Chris Olave and Travis Etienne managed negative points while getting injured and Dallas Goedert hurt his hamstring. Chuba Hubbard will soon be splitting carries with Jonathan Brooks. Brock Purdy won’t score 25 each game. An already thinning roster is becoming more thin and the 80s might become a regular sight for this team.

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Boy, oh boy, I tell you what: I had some of y’all pegged. Yahoo tried to tell us you were going to suck, and I just knew in my nuggets you wouldn’t. Yahoo tried to tell us you would be great, and I just knew you were mediocre.

But…

Boy, oh boy, I tell you what: some of y’all made me look a fool. The top half of our rankings are chalk full of teams I had negligible faith in.

Look at us. Just look at us. Who would’ve thought? Not me.

I love the parity in this league.

Read ‘em and weep.

2024 WEEK 3 RANKINGS

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1.

ThrowUpThe X

Current Record: (3-0, 2nd)

Post-Draft Rank: 2 (+1)

Y!  Draft Grade: B-

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

ThrowUp The X is about as intruiging a team as you’ll find in this league. There’s boom or bust performers all over the roster, but the boom to bust ratio has been solidly in ThrowUp The X’s favor thus far.

In Week 1 it was Tyreek, Godwin, kamara and the Dallas Defense all scoring at least 7 points more than projected.

In Week 2, it was Kamara scoring 42 of ThrowUp The X’s 103 points.

In Week 3, it was Kyren Williams and Amari Cooper combining for 50.

ThrowUp The X has cracked 100 each week, sit at 3-0, and with a deep roster, feel like they’ll be the league’s most dangerous team for the foreseeable future. And, by the way, all this without CJ Stroud ever scoring more than 18 points and Tyreek being without Tua for a week and a half.

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2.

Sweet Carolina

Current Record: (3-0, 1st)

Week 3 Rank: 3 (+1)

Y!  Draft Grade: D+

Y!  Projected Record: (4-10) 

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

Sweet Carolina has ridden the consistency of Saquon Barkley & James Cook to three wins and a leage-best Points For. Barkley and Cook have combined for at least 40 points in each game thus far. Who’d have thought that it’s these two RBs (ones that play with quarterbacks who love to steal TD carries) would be the ones pacing the league?

It also helps that the entire Chiefs offense now revolves around Rashee Rice, who was originally drafted by Sweet Carolina to be a replaceable third WR option week to week and now feels like a better option than either Amon Ra St. Brown or Mike Evans.

Unsurprising but still notable is Lamar Jackson having a solid start to the season (games of 25, 17, and 25 points), which, in a year of a dearth of good QB play, is a huge win.

If you’re Sweet Carolina, you’re telling everyone you saw this coming. If you’re the rest of us, you’re wishing you had.

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3. 

Jets Jets Jets

Current Record: (2-1, 5th)

Post-Draft Rank: 8 (+5)

Y!  Draft Grade: D

Y!  Projected Record: (3-11)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 16

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

Last season’s John Porta trophy recipient got thrashed by Yahoo’s draft analysis and then proceeded to start the season in familiar fashion to what we saw all of last year. But, two weeks later, Week 1’s 50-point loss looks like an anomaly.

Jets Jets Jets has enjoyed back to back convincing wins on the back of 8 of 10 starters in double digits in Week 2, and strong games from Purdy, Olave, Metcalf and Goedert in Week 3.

This team still needs to demonstrate consistency to be taken seriously as a potential contender, but this dramatic turnaround and strong WR Corps shouldn’t be ignored.

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4. 

Stevie Kicks

Current Record: (2-1, 4th)

Post-Draft Rank: 6 (+2)

Y!  Draft Grade: A+

Y!  Projected Record: (12-2)

Manager: Stevie Collins

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

Stevie Kicks is our draft depth & waiver wire king through three weeks.

Remember this quote from our last rankings?

Outside of a phenomenal RB room, there are a lot of upside picks, but more riding on Anthony Richardson than I feel good about in my gut.

First of all, I completely nailed that. Secondly, I think I jinxed Stevie Kicks.

Anthony Richardson has been awful and within a week of this writing, Stevie Kicks was replacing both Christian McCaffrey & Kenneth Walker as starting running backs.

BUT, in drafting Anthony Richardson late, Stevie Kicks stocked up on capital early and got Devon Achane as a third RB, who, along with Zach Charbonnet picked up off of waivers, has allowed Stevie Kicks to thrive against all odds.

Sure, Week 3 wasn’t great, but given the injuries, I think we’d all be grateful to be 2-1 after three weeks of play. If Stevie Kicks can pick up a couple more wins before CMC returns, the playoffs are likely a lock. Not only is that very possible, but actually feels likely. Malik Nabers now looks like a top 5 fantasy WR, and Anthony Richardson can’t possibly score less points than he already has. And it doesn’t hurt to have the apparent reincarnation of 2015-2020 Justin Tucker in Kaimi Fairbairn.

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5.

Butt Fumble

Current Record: (2-1, 3rd)

Post-Draft Rank: 10 (+5)

Y!  Draft Grade: D+

Y!  Projected Record: (5-9)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 11

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

ThrowUp The X might be 3-0 but there’s a 100% chance they would trade places with 2-1 Butt Fumble just to be able to say they’ve ridden the success of Dem Boyz: Dak Prescott and Brandon Aubrey to a solid start to 2024. That’s right folks: I was dearly wrong about Dak Prescott, the fantasy quarterback, and got him confused with Dak Prescott, the real quarterback.

Prescott and Aubrey have combined for at least 30ppg so far this year. I’ll let you guess which has more points through three weeks.

Add to that King Henry doing King Henry things, Butt Fumble has found out that apparently WRs are completely irrelevant in fantasy! Who knew?! And that’s great news for them, because without AJ Brown who is nursing an injury, their WR corps is essentially completely irrelevant (which shouldn’t be a surprise with Deshaun Watson, Caleb Williams and Justin Fields the ones throwing to them).

Nonetheless, Butt Fumble will go as far as Dallas and King Henry will carry them.

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6.

Nick’s Fury

Current Record: (1-2, 8th)

Post-Draft Rank: 1 (-5)

Y!  Draft Grade: C+

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 6

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

Nick’s Fury’s season has been one of ‘almosts.’

In Week 1, Nick’s Fury didn’t play Jordan Reed, Jordan Mason, or Baker Mayfield. Those three combined for 80 points on the bench in an 8-point loss. Terry McLaurin scored a paltry 1.7 points in the FLEX spot.

In Week 2, to right his wrongs, Nick’s Fury did play Jordan Reed, not wanting to miss out on a potential breakout WR 1 in a muddy Green Bay WR room, swapping him for Terry McLaurin. Reed scored just 4.6 points. Nick’s Fury didn’t pay Baker Mayfield, assuming it was a one-week fluke. Josh Allen managed just 9 points in his stead.

Thankfully, in Week 3, Nick’s Fury decided he had done enough overthinking things, Nick’s Fury again played Allen and needed each of his 10 points over projection to beat Golden Boy (which almost helped us forget that he again played Reed over McLaurin, who scored 16 points on the bench).

Fantasy just roundhouse kicks you in the throat sometimes.

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7.

Pewter Pirates

Current Record: (1-2, 6th)

Post-Draft Rank: 4 (-3)

Y!  Draft Grade: A+

Y!  Projected Record: (11-3)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 16+

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

Yahoo said Pewter Pirates would only lose 3 games this year, but that tally is already 66% of the way fulfilled after Week 3. While still having the 6th highest point total in the league, Pewter Pirates is one of two teams in the league not to score 100 points in a game this year. That kind of consistency is not key.

Headlining the disappointments thus far are losing Puka Nacua to IR in Week 1, #2 WR Brandon Aiyuk failing to hit 5 points in a single game so far this year, watching Patrick Mahomes land at QB #13 in points this season to date, and intriguing backup QB Tua to IR after his Week 2 concussion.

A great running game from Jonathan Taylor, Aaron Jones, Devin Singletary and JK Dobbins is keeping Pewter Pirates afloat (just barely) until the aerial attack turns it around.

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8.

Golden Boy

Current Record: (1-2, 7th)

Post-Draft Rank: 9 (+1)

Y!  Draft Grade: D-

Y!  Projected Record: (4-10)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 3

Best Finish: 3rd (2023)

If you look at Golden Boy’s scores week to week, there may not be any notable flash. But when you look deeper, you realize that this team is One-Hit-Wonder-Central-Station.

If you look at Golden Boy’s Week 2… it’s astonishing. In a year where nobody can find a decent third WR, Golden Boy had six (as in, the number after five) WRs in double digits including their bench. Coincidentally, Week 2 was also Golden Boy’s sole win on the year thus far.

The problem is, none of them want to repeat their performances. And that conundrum doesn’t only lie with the WRs. In Week 1, Golden boy got 26 points from their kicker, 14 from their defense and 11 from Rachaad White. On the bench, Brian Robinson Jr. scored 15. Neither of the games sense have been even in the same ballpark for any of those players.

Outside of those flash-in-the-pans each week, the rest of the roster seems content with scoring about 4 points a piece, which meant it took Week 2’s Herculean-WR ouput for Golden Boy to get a win. The other two weeks weren’t enough.

Only Breece Hall has been consistent for this team all three weeks. Oh, and Jayden Daniels, who has scored 28 points on the bench for Golden Boy, twice.

If Golden Boy can get the orchestra to play together…watch out.

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9.

Ruthlessberger

Current Record: (0-3, 9th)

Post-Draft Rank: 7 (-1)

Y!  Draft Grade: B

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 8

Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)

2024 hasn’t been kind to the defending champs. Besides kicking off a three-game losing streak to start the year, Ruthlessberger lost his starting QB, Jordan Love. Jared Goff has yet to score 15 points in replacement duty.

In Week 2, Ruthlessberger rebounded with 117 points but still came up 5 points short to Stevie Kicks, which was unlucky for 3 reasons: A) because Stevie Kicks’ Houston defense and kicker combined for 35 points in the game, B) Travis Kelce managed just 0.6 points, and C) Ruthlessberger’s backup kicker scored 6 more points than their starter (again, Ruthlessberger lost by just 5 points). Oh, and to top it off, Ruhtlessberger lost Pacheco to IR.

In Week 3, it was Rhamondre Stevenson and Jerome Ford combining for 7 points. Ruthlessberger has a good team, but at 0-3, they desperately need to get healthy before the season slips away.

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10.

Turn down for Watt

Current Record: (0-3, 10th)

Post-Draft Rank: 5 (-5)

Y!  Draft Grade: B+

Y!  Projected Record: (10-4)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 10

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Things just haven’t gone according to plan here.

Hurts has been inconsistent, Ja’Marr Chase, Waddle & Dell have yet to have more than one player between them score over 6 points on any given week, Gibbs is getting outplayed by David Montgomery in Detroit, and Christian Kirk, Kyler Murray, Kittle and Kmet only seem to score on the bench. The lone bright spots, giving some solace to Josh’s poor soul, are James Connor (former Steeler) and the Steelers’ defense. But, one of those bright spots just scored less that 2.6 points in Week 3.

What gives?!

It’s still early for a team with this talent, but 0-3 certainly isn’t where Turn down for Watt thought they’d be going into Week 4.

Maybe it’s preemptive, but… you know your commish supports outlandish trade requests flying around the league. RD, where you at?

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Look at us: continuing to grow and mature over the course of 16 years of fantasy football prowess in the Elite Fantasy League - now with our very own space on our very own website.

Our illustrious selves put together a great 2023 and are moving into an already-promising 2024. I’ll talk more about both below, but before I do, accept this most hardy welcome back.

Read ‘em and weep.

2023 SEASON RECAP

Nick, true to title-favorite form, beat Team Chad by, and this is not a typo, 113 points. No other team in the league even scored 113 points in the first round of the playoffs.

RD, true to Dallas-fandom form, rode his three Cowboys starters into the first round of the playoffs, where the Cowboys traditionally go to die. Dak, Pollard, and Brandon Aubrey combined for a whopping 16.7 points and Ruthlessberger cruised bast ThrowUpThe X, 107-91.

Josh, true to sixth-place-finish form, went ahead and bowed out in the first round to Kyler, who continued his bold strategy of sub-100-point performances and still got a dub. Unfortunately, his luck would run out in the second round to Run CMC, who advanced to the EFL Superbowl.

Pewter Pirates, true to Mahomes-and-Kelce-disappointment form, got a whopping 18 points from the “dynamic” duo and fell to Sweet Carolina in round one.

Ruthlessberger, true to defending-champion form, led a balanced attack in a 125-107 win over Sweet Carolina to reach the EFL Superbowl.

Golden Boy would go ahead and notch one more sub-100-point win to finish 3rd in the consolation game against Sweet Carolina.

The EFL championship would be decided between our title-favorite, Run CMC and our defending champ, Ruthlessberger. Run CMC was projected to win by 1 point, but it never materialized. Ruthlessberger rode Lamar Jackson & Kyren Williams’ best games of the season to a comfortable 147-102 victory, securing EFL’s second-ever back-to-back championship season joining Austin Owen (2015, 2016).

2024 POST DRAFT RANKINGS

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1.

Nick’s Fury

Y!  Draft Grade: C+

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 6

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

If you’re looking for pedigree by name, this team has it up and down the roster. I mean, this team honestly sounds like a pro-bowl roster when you say the names out loud. Of course, not everything is about names, but when your third-best WR is Stefon Diggs, you’re probably doing ok. We’ll see how much revamped ATL and NYJ succeed in the coming year. Wilson & Bijan Robinson’s success may be the X-factors for Nick’s Fury in pursuit of a second Fauxbardi in 2024.

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2.

ThrowUpThe X

Y!  Draft Grade: B-

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

I had this team at #1. Then, I moved it down. Then, I moved it back. Now, I’ve moved it down again - this time to stay. It’s not that there’s a serious flaw in this team. The waffling actually comes from the opposite. Similar to Nick’s Fury, this team has the high-profile names. It’s just that I don’t trust Najee Harris, never know how to anticipate Chris Godwin’s involvement (even as a Bucs fan), and think that Kamara and the Dallas defense have lost a step. Outside of those still-quite-serviceable options, this team is elite. Stroud, Hill, Kyren Williams, and spot explosions from Amari Cooper are enough to make anyone salivate a little bit.

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3. 

Sweet Carolina

Y!  Draft Grade: D+

Y!  Projected Record: (4-10) 

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

It’s probably a good sign when my biggest gripe about your team is your defense.

I’m really close to loving this team. Not quite there, but really close. This team has consistency (Amon-Ra, Evans) with explosive potential (Saquon, Lamar). If Mark Andrews finds his form, Josh Allen stops stealing James Cook’s TD carries and a true third WR emerges...this team won’t have any holes. Not the team you’ll want to play in the playoffs.

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4. 

Pewter Pirates

Y!  Draft Grade: A+

Y!  Projected Record: (11-3)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 16+

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

Maybe a boringly solid team across the board? Feels like every point total for the season will be between 85-120. Consistency is key? There should be stability with the talent at hand. Jonathan Taylor, Patrick Mahomes should headline consistency, while the WR and RB corps collectively average around 8-10 points each. The largest inhibitor of this team being in the top three is second options - and this team might be full of them. It’s hard to say whether Puka will stay ahead of Cooper Kupp, Aiyuk will pass Deebo Samuel, and Nico Collins stays ahead of Stefon Diggs in the depth charts of their respective teams. Add to that an aging Aaron Jones in Minnesota - the first few weeks of the season will likely determine the fate of this team.

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5.

Turn down for Watt

Y!  Draft Grade: B+

Y!  Projected Record: (10-4)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 10

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Similar to Sweet Carolina, I’m so close to loving this team. I love the vast majority of it, I just think there are just a couple of larger question marks that will make it a bit less consistent than Pewter Pirates, but potentially just as spicy as the top 3 teams. How much do we trust Jalen Hurts, James Connor, George Kittle and the Steelers Defense? That’s it. That’s the only question you have to answer to decide where this team lands.

Chase, Waddle, Dell, Gibbs, with a side of Christian Kirk feels like a really solid group of 7-15 point players. If that’s the case, then you just need Hurts, Connor, Kittle and the Steelers D to get the other 40-50 points to win games. I don’t trust any of those individuals all that much, even though I have been the beneficiary of both Hurts and Connor as recently as last season. If they prove me wrong, this is a dangerous team.

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6.

Stevie Kicks

Y!  Draft Grade: A+

Y!  Projected Record: (12-2)

Manager: Stevie Collins

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

This is probably a crime ranking for the team that Yahoo believes in the most. But Yahoo believes in upside. I might too, but I need a week or two to warm up to the idea.. Outside of a phenomenal RB room, there are a lot of upside picks, but more riding on Anthony Richardson than I feel good about in my gut. If he gets injured again, this team might be riding Caleb Williams for the season. And maybe by Week 7 we’ll realize that is the best possible outcome anyways.

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7.

Ruthlessberger

Y!  Draft Grade: B

Y!  Projected Record: (7-7) 

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 8

Best Finish: Champ (2x - 2022, 2023)

Title defense underway. 7th feels low for this team, but there are just question marks that we’ll have to see to believe. Drake London could explode in ATL’s now-competent QB room. Jordan Love could have another solid season. Travis Kelce could return to 2021/2022 form. Justin Jefferson could be the only WR in Minnesota that can get enough separation fast enough for Sam Darnold to find before taking a sack. There’s definitive potential for this team to be scary. We just have to see what it could become.

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8.

Jets Jets Jets

Y!  Draft Grade: D

Y!  Projected Record: (3-11)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 16

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

The only reason this team is as low as it is is because I think Brock Purdy, CeeDee Lamb, and Travis Etienne are going to regress a bit. That said, I love Josh Jacobs for this season in Green Bay. I love have Rodgers on the bench just in case. I love Pollard as a backup for Etienne if he finds a good workload in Tennessee. Jets Jets Jets is built to not have to hit the waiver wire in case of injury, and that in and of itself could be a huge boost this season. And if I’m wrong on the first three regressing, watch out.

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9.

Golden Boy

Y!  Draft Grade: D-

Y!  Projected Record: (4-10)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 3

Best Finish: 3rd (2023)

I liked this team the first time I looked at it. But the more I look at it the more I’m not sure. 

The success of this team relies on rookie/young players and old/veteran players finding the best version of themselves. And that’s super possible. So, most likely, this team makes a run at the end of the season with Jayden Daniels, Marvin Harrison Jr., Davante Adams and Breece Hall, and I lose to them in the first round of the playoffs and I’ll wish I never said anything at all.

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10.

Butt Fumble

Y!  Draft Grade: D+

Y!  Projected Record: (5-9)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 11

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

I’ll start with the bad news and get to the good news.

Bad: I really just don’t like Dak for fantasy football. He’s the Kirk Cousins of fantasy football. And that’s fine if the rest of your roster is explosive. But I don’t trust Chicago or Pittsburgh’s offenses, so it’s tough to love those receivers. And I don’t trust Lamar not to steal Henry’s carries. And, while they’re talented, I don’t trust Mixon period and Brown only in spots.

Good: My gut doesn’t determine your team’s success. And the kicker/defense situation here is solid - which is probably underrated.

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I was in middle school when I had my first dreams of trying out fantasy football. My friends hadn’t caught the fever yet, and my older sister’s friends assumed I was too young to be playing. So, I started my own league.

16 years later, the Elite Fantasy League has built a rich history, long-standing members, and a fraternity.

Has the seriousness of this league gone too far? Yes.

Do I question whether my own sports nerditity will be my undoing? Yes.

Will I still create power rankings for my league every couple of weeks this year? Yes.

No holds barred; I can’t be stopped.

Follow along year 16.

BONUS CONTENT:

I felt a responsibility to quantify the league’s rich history for the league’s members - both present and past. Ten to fifteen hours later, the tapestry was complete. So, here I will share what I view as both the culmination and the launching of a new era in this fantasy football fandom: EFL History.

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2023 POWER RANKINGS - Playoffs

Week 14 promised many opportunities for movement amongst our rankings for everyone not named Jets Jets Jets, who were gracious enough to lock up our John Porta Trophy two weeks early.

Alas, the playoff jostling didn’t manifest into a whole lot of changes.

So, rather than give you an essentially-the-same power rankings, I will instead fall into the trap of the 2023 sports world’s trend of Tiers - a tragic phenomenon where sports-wannabes across the country have somehow pawned off tiers to us as something cool, when, in reality, they are way easier to make and far less thought out than full-fledged power rankings. But, apparently, power rankings as an industry were ripe for disruption, and, as the old adage goes: “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” (also known as the Kevin Durant Corollary). 

I digress.

Without further adieu, here are your very first Elite Fantasy League Tiers: Playoff Edition:

Read ‘em and weep.

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Full Playoff Predictions

Quarterfinals

#1 Run CMC v. #8 Johnny Baseball

#2 Turn down for Watt v. #7 Golden Boy

#3 Sweet Carolina v. #6 Pewter Pirates

#5 Ruthlessberger v. #4 ThrowUpThe X

Semifinals

#1 Run CMC v. #5 Ruthlessberger

#3 Sweet Carolina v. #2 Turn down for Watt

Finals

#1 Run CMC v. #3 Sweet Carolina

LOSER BRACKET

#4 ThrowUpThe X v. #8 Johnny Baseball

#6 Pewter Pirates v. #7 Golden Boy

7th Place Game

#7 Golden Boy v. #8 Johnny Baseball

5th Place Game

#4 ThrowUpThe X v. #6 Pewter Pirates

3rd Place Game

#2 Turn down for Watt v. #5 Ruthlessberger

2023 POWER RANKINGS - Week 13

“A few busy weeks” [yada, yada] “Thanksgiving” [yada, yada] “last chance this season” [yada, yada] “rollercoaster” [yada, yada]

Read ‘em and weep.

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1.

Run CMC (10-3) Y! Draft Grade: B-

Week 8 Rank: 4 (+3)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 5

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

Last 5 Games: WWLWW

Playing for: A second title

Still up for grabs: #1 seed

After having dropped Run CMC from their lofty perch atop our rankings last time, Week 10 offered an interesting matchup between Run CMC (our former #1) and Turn down for Watt (the replacement #1).

Nick wasted no time texting me following the 57-point shellacking that ensued:

And you can’t blame him..

But there is a little bit of a University of Alabama vibe going on here. Of Run CMC’s last 4 wins, three have come against the bottom teams in our rankings: a nail-biter against Johnny Baseball, 6.75 point win over Golden Boy, and, last week, a convincing win over the Jets Jets Jets who haven’t won a game since September.

In the meantime, Run CMC lost to Sweet Carolina, who we have ranked at #3. Shouldn’t head-to-head count for something? 

Nah, Alabama Run CMC beat #1 Georgia Turn down for Watt so they move up in the rankings.

Run CMC has been the class of the league this year, and his record and Points For back it up.

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2.

ThrowUpThe X (8-5) Y! Draft Grade: B-

Week 8 Rank: 6 (+4)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 14

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

Last 5 games: WLLWW

Playing for: 5th championship appearance in 11 years

Still up for grabs: #3 seed

ThrowUpThe X has won 3 of their last 5, and their two losses were both 95+ point outings that ended in nail-biting losses. Not a single dud game over the course of the last 5. 

A team that seemed pretty unexciting the first 7 weeks of the season suddenly looks like it has electric energy up and down the roster. And the best part about it is the consistency over the last 6 weeks.

In fact, over their last 6 games, ThrowUpThe X has scored 120+ four times. Which is more than most of the league has done the entire season, and certainly better than any other team (Run CMC included) over that stretch.

They are hot at the right time and could very well be in play for a championship run, where they will hope to win their second Fauxbardi.

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3. 

Sweet Carolina (8-5) Y! Draft Grade: D

Week 8 Rank: 3 (-)

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 3

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

Last 5 games: WWWWL

Playing for: Their first title

Still up for grabs: N/A (#2 seed is not attainable for Sweet Carolina)

Sweet Carolina capped off a sweet 4-game winning streak with a 140-point smack-down of Pewter Pirates and looked like a team primed for a championship run. And that still holds true, but Week 13’s 76 point outing didn’t do wonders for confidence..especially when a closer look of the winning streak revealed that 3 of the wins came from a relatively low point average (99) and were quite close. The 4-game winning streak could have easily been a 2-2 stretch.

Sweet Carolina has legitimate championship aspirations, but doing so will be much easier if they are able to maintain the #3 seed, which is very much in peril. A loss in Week 14 could result in Sweet Carolina dropping to #4 or #5, which means facing a much higher quality team than Pewter Pirates, who they just beat in Week 12.

There’s great news, though. Sweet Carolina gets Johnny Baseball in Week 14. And that’s about as well as you could wrap up a season.

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4. 

Ruthlessberger (7-6) Y! Draft Grade: A+

Week 8 Rank: 2 (-2)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2022)

Last 5 games: LLWLW

Playing for: Back-to-back titles

Still up for grabs: #3 seed

The reigning champs find themselves looking more and more like their namesake. When Roethlisberger was in his prime, you never knew whether he was going to throw 6 TDs or 3 INTs, but you knew it wouldn’t be something in between.

Ruthlessberger’s last 5 point totals: 82, 110, 134, 76, 180

And it should be noted with that 180 points, that Ruthlessberger actually had some players on the bench that outperformed their starters, which could have brought the total closer to 200. Ridiculous.

So much of fantasy football is who is hot the last couple weeks of the season. Ruthlessberger is hoping that Week 13 was a preview of things to come. Keep your eye on their ability to continue getting productivity out of recently-returned RBs James Conner and Kylen Williams as a catalyst for keeping the heat coming.

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5.

Turn down for Watt (10-3) Y! Draft Grade: B Week 8 Rank: 1 (-5)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 9

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Last 5 games: WLWWW

Playing for: A second podium finish

Still up for grabs: The #1 seed

This is probably ludicrous to drop Turn down for Watt five spots. With 10 wins, they find themselves tied for the league lead in standings and top 5 in Points For. And beyond that, they’ve gone 4-1 in their last five games.

So… what’s the deal?

The recent 4-1 run has been good for the standings and playoff seeding placement, but is a bit of a skewed view. Turn down for Watt has averaged just 94 points per game over that stretch. While the point floor seems to be consistent, the point ceiling seems to have lowered. Turn down for Watt finds themselves hoping for a fantasy breakout at just the right time to make a deep playoff run. *cough, cough* Tyreek. 

Turn down for Watt has never made a run to the final game and is hoping to do just that.. Right after hunting down Run CMC for the #1 seed and a shot at facing Johnny Baseball in Round 1.

Good things are very possible for this team, especially given the situation they are standings-wise, but there are other teams hotter right now.

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6.

Golden Boy (5-8) Y! Draft Grade: D- Week 8 Rank: 8 (+1)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 2

Best Finish: 6th (2022)

Last 5 games: LWWLW

Playing for: Personal-best finish

Still up for grabs: #6 seed

Golden Boy has pieced together a 3-2 run in their last 5 games, with key wins over Butt Fumble and Johnny Baseball to solidify a playoff spot. Golden Boy also posted two games with over 110 points, showing that there is some pop with this roster that could potentially vault them into the second round if the cards fell right. If Golden Boy is able to manage that, they will wind up with their best finish in the Elite Fantasy League.

What is very interesting is the seeding that can potentially come out of Week 14’s games for Golden Boy. As it stands now, #7 Golden Boy would likely play #2 Turn down for Watt in the first round of the playoffs.

If Golden Boy was to win in week 14, coupled with a loss by Pewter Pirates, they could wind up as the #6 seed and face likely opponent Sweet Carolina.

Who would you rather play? #TankforTurnDown?

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7.

Pewter Pirates (6-7) Y! Draft Grade: A+

Week 8 Rank: 5 (-1)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

Last 5 games: WLWLL

Playing for: The second weekend of the playoffs

Still up for grabs: N/A (#5 seed is not attainable for Pewter Pirates)

As much as it pains me to say, and as silly as it seems when Pat Mahomes and Travis Kelce are on your roster, this is not a championship-caliber team.

Unfortunately, this has turned into a middle-of-the-pack team with no breakout candidates evident to turn the ship around.

The nail in the coffin was Pewter Pirates finally getting a decent all-around performance from the roster and putting up 112 points in Week 12. Unfortunately, Pewter Pirates still lost by 30 to Sweet Carolina.

Pewter Pirates’s best hope is to catch a top seed with a bad game the first week of the playoffs and hope for the second weekend. Outside of that, this season is over.

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8.

Butt Fumble (4-9) Y! Draft Grade: D

Week 8 Rank: 9 (+1)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 10

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

Last 5 games: LWLWL

Playing for: A playoff cameo

Still up for grabs: #8 seed

We don’t need to sugar coat the struggle that this season has been, but dangit if Butt Fumble didn’t feel like the team that you were just rooting for to make the playoffs somehow, some way. It just wasn’t in the cards… at least… probably?

Butt Fumble is technically still alive in the playoff race, but will need a win, a Johnny Baseball loss, and will need to score 15 more points than Johnny Baseball to move on. The last two in that list seem very possible, but Butt Fumble happened to have a bad draw, and Week 14 poses a matchup against current #1 Run CMC, who has a 20 point projected win coming. Still, the fat lady ain’t sang yet.

It’s just hard when it felt like every game that was within reach ended up being just short. We already discussed Week 8’s bad beat against Pewter Pirates, but that was followed up with Week 10’s game against Turn down for Watt, which looked so promising with CJ Stroud’s 42 point effort. Unfortunately, the rest of the roster scored just 44, and Turn down for Watt got 40 points just from Cleveland’s defense and Cole Kmet on their way to a win. Then in Week 11 if Butt Fumble had just played Devin Singletary they would’ve beaten Golden Boy. Finally, in Week 13, the team just gave up, and rallied a grand total of 55 points against Ruthlessberger… who won by 125 points.

Alas, Butt Fumble wasn’t just the name of the team - it was the theme of the season. And that season will likely come to a close this week.

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9.

Johnny Baseball (5-8) Y! Draft Grade: D

Week 8 Rank: 7 (-2)

Manager: Chad Holcombe

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

Last 5 games: LWLLL

Playing for: Most wins without setting a lineup?

Still up for grabs: #8 seed

What are we doing here folks. Johnny Baseball has not set a full lineup since Week 5 (which, I might add, is the surest-fire of ways to get kicked from the league). The insanity is, that despite such managerial incompetence, Johnny Baseball has been lucky enough to win a couple of games over that stretch.

Little did we know, but Johnny Baseball’s Week 6 and Week 10 wins would decide the fate for another team in the league.

Despite failing to field an RB in Week 6, Johnny Baseball was fortunate to be playing a struggling Butt Fumble team and stumbled into an 83-75 win. Despite failing to field a DEF in Week 10, Johnny Baseball managed to ride best-performance-of-their-season games from CeeDee Lamb and Brian Robinson (I just want to reiterate this is Brian Robinson, not Bijan Robinson) to a 4-point win over Ruthlessberger.

Those two wins make this final game of the regular season less-exciting than it could be.

Johnny Baseball has a one-game, and 14-point Points For lead on Butt Fumble for the final playoff spot. 

Because of Johnny Baseball’s lineup woes, scoring anything close to decent points has been difficult, but as long as Butt Fumble loses in Week 14, Johnny Baseball will be the final representative in the playoff race.

What a travesty.

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10.

Jets Jets Jets (2-11) Y! Draft Grade: C-

Week 8 Rank: 10 (-)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

Last 5 games: LLLLL

Playing for: Pride

Still up for grabs: N/A (#9 seed is unattainable for Jets Jets Jets(

In what was the silver-lining of their entire season, Week 13 managed to save Jets Jets Jets from becoming the only team in Elite Fantasy League’s 15-year history of never breaking 100-points in a game over the course of a season.

That’s right - Jets Jets Jets scored 103 (almost 104) points in Week 13 against Run CMC, beating their projection by 23 (almost 24) points. And that feels significant, somehow.

Unfortunately, they did that in a 45.5 point loss that ensured this year’s - drumroll, please - John Porta Trophy Winner.

So, even though this season didn’t go as planned, at least something is coming from it. And that also feels significant, somehow.

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2023 POWER RANKINGS - Week 8

And just like that, with two more games under our belts, the regular season of Year 15 is more than half over.

If that didn’t leave you with any sense of shock, it should. For some of you, that means you have 6 games left to figure out the roster you want to take with you into the playoffs in pursuit of Fauxbardi XV. For a couple of you, that means you have 6 games left to figure out how to avoid getting the John Porta trophy.

Hero Teams of the past two weeks: Turn down for Watt, Run CMC, Pewter Pirates

Zero Teams of the past two weeks: Johnny Baseball, Butt Fumble, Jets Jets Jets

Results are in - Read ‘em and weep.

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1.

Turn down for Watt (6-2) Y! Draft Grade: B Week 6 Rank: 4 (+3)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 9

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

LeBron stood at mid-court at the ESPN Wide World of Sports in Walt Disney World. It was 2020. He and his new team, the Los Angeles Lakers, had just won the NBA title. LeBron, half-stir-crazy from living in a bubble for a couple of months, picked up a microphone, and, to a row of empty chairs holding monitors with Zoom-call fans cheering, said, “We just want our respect. Rob wants his respect, Coach Vogel wants his respect, our organization wants its respect, Laker Nation wants their respect…and I want my damn respect, too.” 

Turn down for Watt sits on top of our power rankings, boasting a record that is tied for league-best, a Points For that is essentially tied for league-best, and has had a couple of performances in a row that were unequivocally league-best.

It’s time they get their damn respect, too.

I won’t lie: I still have my misgivings about the viability of this roster going the distance. But, after Week 8, someone will have to assert themselves as more worthy than Turn down for Watt as #1. And until then, they will remain.

Week 8 was a microcosm of just how dangerous this team can be. Sure, they’ve had two duds this season, but since Week 4, Turn down for Watt has scored 177, 112, 105, and 140. And that’s the makings of a nice trend.

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2.

Ruthlessberger (5-3) Y! Draft Grade: A+

Week 6 Rank: 2 (-)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2022)

It’s not that Ruthlessberger did anything particularly great to stay at #2 in these rankings, they just didn’t do anything worse than the teams below them.

Week 7 was a good showing - 119 points despite getting 0 from D.K. Metcalf and only 5 points from Kupp. The rest of the team went OFF, displaying the firepower on Ruthlessberger’s roster.

Week 8 was particularly ghastly for Ruthlessberger, who had their worst outing of the season with just 66 points. The combination of all Ruthlessberger pass catchers (Kupp, Nico Collins, D.K. Metcalf and Dalles Goedert) scored a grand total of 15 points between the 4 of them. Jason Sanders (the kicker) scored as many as any individual skill player not named Saquon Barkley. Jason Sanders had only 7 points.

The good news is, this seems to be just an anomaly. Ruthlessberger’s last game that was even remotely close to as bad as Week 8 was in Week 1. So, if Ruthlessberger can go another 7 weeks before another dismal game, they should be great until Week 1 of the playoffs. 👀

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3. 

Sweet Carolina (4-4) Y! Draft Grade: D

Week 6 Rank: 3 (-)

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 3

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

Sweet Carolina had a bad week in Week 8 and still managed 98 points. That’s probably all I need to say about this team for you to understand how I feel about them.

However, just for the sake of repeating myself every single power rankings, following Turn down for Watt’s 140 points against Sweet Carolina in Week 8, Sweet Carolina’s misfortune in Points Against is somehow an even wider gap than it was two weeks ago.

Sweet Carolina could use a win and has a winnable matchup against Golden Boy this week, but each week Golden Boy gets more punchy, and there should be some fear that their 140-point week in Week 8 might be repeatable.

So, in the spirit of repeating myself: I said it once and I’ll say it again, if this team can catch some luck, it could be a championship-caliber squad.

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4. 

Run CMC (6-2) Y! Draft Grade: B-

Week 6 Rank: 1 (-3)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 5

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

The Greatest Show on Turf needs a wellness retreat.

You know how high I’ve been on this team, but the last few weeks just haven’t been what the first 4 were.

In fact, just to illustrate how dominant the first 4 weeks were, Run CMC has not scored 100 points in 4 straight weeks but still leads the league in Points For.

Quite impressive. Despite the low scoring over the last 4 weeks, Run CMC has managed to go 2-2 over that stretch. Alas, with Kyren Williams, and James Conner on IR, Lamar Jackson being a little boom-or-bust, and the WRs being more pedestrian than usual the team has become increasingly reliant on Christian McCaffrey to save them. 

Run CMC may need to change their name to Run, Catch, and Pass CMC until they can get healthy again.

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5.

Pewter Pirates (4-4) Y! Draft Grade: A+

Week 6 Rank: 7 (+2)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

Hopes of finishing 10-4 as originally planned are still alive…barely.

There’s a bit of fraudlency here. You see, Week 8 by all accounts should have been a drubbing of lowly Butt Fumble. Original projections showed a 30-point win as the highest probability. However, over the course of the weekend, things went quite poorly. All of a sudden, Butt Fumble had a 89% chance of winning going into Sunday night’s game.

Pewter Pirates had Josh Jacobs and a 10-point gap to cover. Butt Fumble had Davante Adams and Jakobi Meyers and a 10-point hedge.

But then, for lack of a better term, Jimmy Garoppolo butt fumbled. Things went poorly enough for the Raiders passing game on Sunday night that the GM, head coach, and offensive coordinator were fired Tuesday.

Davante Adams and Jakobi Meyers each had just one catch the entire game. On the flip side, Josh Jacobs had 80 all-purpose yards and a TD. So, Pewter Pirates won a game they had no business winning…after having every business winning.

Now, again, we have to take the Taylor Swift effect into account. We all know that there is no way the Broncos beat the Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce combine for 12 points without there being a curse or something. It’s just not possible. So outside of that anomaly, this game, and every game, should be in much better shape for Pewter Pirates, who seem to have found their groove with 2 straight wins to get back to .500. 

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6.

ThrowUpThe X (5-3) Y! Draft Grade: B-

Week 6 Rank: 6 (-)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 14

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

Nobody had more of a rollercoaster two weeks as ThrowUpThe X.

Week 7 was much of the same as weeks 1-6, but somehow even worse. Not only did ThrowUpThe X score under 100, but in some ways, they were lucky to get more than 50. The entire team was awful except for Jahmyr Gibbs, whose 19 points represented one third of the team’s total production for the week.

But then, ThrowUpThe X followed that up with their best performance of the season in Week 8 - a 136-point explosion that one-upped Johnny Baseball’s 119-point performance. The funny part? It was still Dak, LaPorta, the Defense, and the Kicker coming up big for ThrowUpThe X. But this time, Jahmyr Gibbs, Ekeler, and Davonte Smith decided to join the fun.

For ThrowUpThe X, there has to be some excitement in knowing that a good week is possible. Now, we just need to see if it can be replicated.

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7.

Johnny Baseball (4-4) Y! Draft Grade: D

Week 6 Rank: 5 (-2)

Manager: Chad Holcombe

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

Week 7 made me sick to my stomach.

Johnny Baseball had not one, but two receivers on bye week & one RB on IR, and failed to update their lineup before taking on Sweet Carolina.

They still would have lost the game - the final spread was 31, and their bench would’ve gotten them 25, but even still, there is NO way to move up in rankings if you’re not even setting your lineup on a given week.

Then Week 8 came. Johnny Baseball updated their lineups (yay?) and had their first truly great showing from CeeDee Lamb to pace the team to a 119-point total, which would have beaten any other team in the league. However, they were matching up with ThrowUpThe X, who had their best outing of the season. So, Johnny Baseball dropped back-to-back games, and dropped two places in our Power Rankings along with it.

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8.

Golden Boy (2-6) Y! Draft Grade: D- Week 6 Rank: 8 (-)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 2

Best Finish: 6th (2022)

Golden Boy has been this close to making noise in the league this year.

Week 7 must have been tough to swallow. Golden Boy had done enough to beat the suddenly vulnerable Run CMC. 

That’s when Bijan Robinson happened. Bijan Robinson - the electric rookie out of Alabama. Bijan Robinson - hoping to lead the league in yards. Bijan Robinson - whose worst game of the year was a 6 point outing in Week 3. Bijan Robinson… who mustered just 3 yards against Tampa Bay. That’s correct - though he had a projected 12.75 points, he finished the week with 0.3 points.

So, Golden Boy lost to Run CMC by 2.7 points. Bad beat.

But, Golden Boy went and took all of his frustration out on Jets Jets Jets (what’s new?) and scored 141 points. Not that you need 141 points against Jets Jets Jets, but at least it feels good.

We’ll see if Golden Boy can solidify their spot in the playoffs over the next 6 weeks, but this team certainly feels more well-rounded than the two below in these rankings.

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9.

Butt Fumble (2-6) Y! Draft Grade: D

Week 6 Rank: 9 (-)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 10

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

Butt Fumble predictably lost in Week 7 & 8. But it was how Butt Fumble lost in Week 8 that will be the focus of this blurb.

Butt Fumble went into Monday night with a shocking 10-point lead over Pewter Pirates. Along with their 10-point lead, Butt Fumble had Davante Adams and Jakobi Meyers still to play. Pewter Pirates had only Josh Jacobs. 

In other words, Pewter Pirates was looking for something of a miracle in order to come back and win.

So, call it a miracle, I guess. Josh Jacobs had more yards than Jimmy G had passing, and managed the only offensive touchdown. Davante Adams and Jakobi Meyers were held to just one catch each, and Butt Fumble watched as his lead crumbled. Pewter Pirates managed to steal the win by just 3 points.

Now that’s a bad beat. Maybe that’s what we should be expecting from here on out.

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10.

Jets Jets Jets (2-6) Y! Draft Grade: C-

Week 6 Rank: 10 (-)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

There isn’t a whole lot to say here.

To their credit, Jets Jets Jets had their second-best outing of the season in Week 8. Unfortunately for Jets Jets Jets, their second-best outing is just 93 points, and they still managed to lose by 50 to Golden Boy, who caught Jets Jets Jets in the standings to officially drop them to 10th (where they probably should have been some time ago).

Jets Jets Jets are still tied for the final playoff spot, but with such a gap in points, they either have to pray to scrap out some wins, or hope the top teams become disenchanted with some star players and drop them to the waiver wire.

In other words, the John Porta trophy is essentially theirs.

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2023 POWER RANKINGS - Week 6

Due to my delinquency in releasing our Power Rankings over the first 6 weeks of the season, I have dedicated this power rankings to be my longest yet. You all deserve a proper review of what has happened thus far.

Before I begin, let me remind you that the sheer purpose of these Power Rankings is to reward the things that should be and are, and bring to light the way things should be but aren’t. And with that in mind, there is a lot to talk about here.

Fantasy football is always unpredictable and always has its fair share of injuries, etc.

But this year has been DIFFERENT.

Unpredictability.

1. We knew their offense was going to be good, but the Miami Dolphins (more specifically: Tyreek Hill, Raheem Mostert, and Devon Achane) have single handedly won multiple games for fantasy owners and created some truly lopsided weeks. The types of weeks where your 9 other players only scored 60 points combined, but Devon Achane had 47 so you won a game (or not - sorry Jets Jets Jets).

2. We thought their offense was good, but the Cincinnati Bengals (more specifically: Joe Burrow, Ja’Marr Chase, Tee Higgins, and Joe Mixon) have been abysmal so far this year outside of one game against Arizona. The types of weeks where you needed Joe Burrow to score 10 points to win and he only got you 6.5 (sorry Austin).

Injuries.

1. Over 20% of last year’s top 50 players have had injuries this year. Here are 10 of them that were probably picked by you in the top half of the draft:

• Nick Chubb

• Austin Ekeler

• Saquon Barkley

•  James Conner

•  Justin Jefferson

• Cooper Kupp

• Devonta Smith

• Travis Kelce

• Justin Herbert

• Joe Burrow

2. And, of course, that list doesn’t include Aaron Rodgers, who, along with himself, single-handedly tanked the value of two high-round picks in Garrett Wilson and Breece Hall.

IF, by chance, you happened to: 

a) Either own Miami Dolphins players or happened to escape playing against Miami Dolphins players, 

b) Not own Cincinnati Bengals players or happened to get to play against Cincinnati Bengals players, 

c) Not own NY Jets players or happened to play against NY Jets players, or 

d) avoided one (or more) of your top 6 picks in the draft getting injured, 

then you should be in a good spot.

Remember the lopsidedness I mentioned earlier?

Yeah, check this out:

The difference between the team who has scored the most points in the league (Run CMC, 710 points) and the team who has scored the least points in the league (Jets Jets Jets, 464 points) is a whopping 246 points.

Folks, we have only played 6 games.

That’s a 41.5 point PER GAME scoring difference. But is Jets Jets Jets last in our league standings? Nope. That would be Golden Boy, who is 1-5 despite having 604 points over the course of the year. Good for 23ish points per game more than Jets Jets Jets. Yet, they are struggling to find wins because they have the 3^rd highest points against in the league at 652.

Only 3^rd highest at 652? That’s right: EVEN MORE BONKERS than Run CMC having put up 710 points this year is the absolute MISFORTUNE of Sweet Carolina, who has had 711 points scored AGAINST them this year. Put more simply, Sweet Carolina has had teams average 118.5 points per game against them. How many times has your team scored 118.5 points in a game this season? If the answer is at least once, you probably did it against Sweet Carolina. To put that in perspective, teams have happened to average just 93.8 points per game against Turn Down for Watt.

To make it more frustrating for Sweet Carolina, they have scored the second highest amount of points in the league this year. So, if Sweet Carolina had Turn Down for Watt’s luck, they would be 6-0. But they’re 3-3. Just colossally bad luck.

Let’s look at some averages across the league:

Average Points Per Game Scored AGAINST You This Season

Interesting how 4 of 5 of the league’s most successful teams have averaged teams scoring under 97 points against them, huh…

And I know you’re thinking “Well, yeah, if you score more points than the other team you win the game.” OK, BUT IT’S A LITTLE DIFFERENT IN FANTASY FOOTBALL WHERE YOU CAN’T PLAY DEFENSE.

For that reason, it makes it doubly as impressive that Sweet Carolina & Ruthlessberger have been able to overcome their obscene Points Against to still have as many wins as they do.

Ok, I think that’s enough cueing up. Let’s dive into the power rankings.

Read ‘em and weep.

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1.

Run CMC (4-2) Y! Draft Grade: B-

Preseason Rank: 1 (-)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 5

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

I liked ‘em then, and I like ‘em now. But, I will admit, the team is slightly less balanced than I had originally anticipated – something that has become increasingly evident during Run CMC’s current 2-game slide.

Before the season started, I was pretty high on Run CMC’s receivers: Tee Higgins, Amon Ra St. Brown, Deebo Samuel, and Tyler Lockett. I mean that’s a group. But that was before we found out that Cooper Kupp cloned himself and changed his name to PUKA NACUA.

Goodness, what a few weeks those were. And it was fortunate for Run CMC, too, because Tee Higgins, Deebo Samuel, and Tyler Lockett each had about 1 good game during that stretch.

But the consistency of Puka Nacua came to a crashing halt last week as the offense continues to shift away from the clone and back to the original Cooper Kupp who is healthy again. With the spottiness of the rest of the receivers, Amon Ra St. Brown is the lone consistent WR remaining.

But that’s ok because Run CMC has a really great RB situation too. Christian McCaffrey and Javonte Williams were supposed to lock that down, but once JW started doing his best Najee Harris impression, we found out that Kenneth Walker III is secretly a top 5 RB and Isaiah Pacheco is a top 15 RB. So who needs JW anyways?

Over the last couple of weeks both KWIII and Pacheco have come down to earth a little, and CMC is dealing with an injury again. So, again, the story is consistency.

But this team is just stacked. Add to that a top 5 kicker, top 5 defense, and a top 5 QB…

Pro Comparison: The Greatest Show on Turf

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2.

Ruthlessberger (4-2) Y! Draft Grade: A+

Preseason Rank: 2 (-)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2022)

After Week 1, there were more questions than answers. Ruthlessberger followed up a great draft with a Week 1 dud against Jets Jets Jets.

J.K. Dobbins was out for the year, Treylon Burks was out indefinitely, Dalles Goedert didn’t catch a single pass, Lamar Jackson had a whopping 7 points and Saquon Barkley left his game early.

But, remember, Ruthlessberger had a great draft.

To the bench he went. James Conner & James Cook stepped up, and Nico Collins decided he was a #1 receiver with CJ Stroud throwing him passes. Then Ruthlessberger won the Kyren Williams waiver wire sweepstakes, and plot twist: he’s better than the two Jameses combined. It didn’t hurt that Cooper Kupp returned from IR in Week 5, too.

So that loss to Jets Jets Jets? A distant memory. For both teams, actually.

Now Ruthlessberger is 4-2 and has to feel pretty good about the team. The only problem? The dang RB room got hit by injuries again. James Conner is on IR and Kyren Williams has a bad ankle. Still, this is a team you don’t want to see get healthy.

Pro Comparison: 2004 Detroit Pistons

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3. 

Sweet Carolina (3-3) Y! Draft Grade: D

Preseason Rank: 4 (+1)

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 3

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

Turn Down for Watt is mad that he’s not in the top 3 right now, but kick rocks. This is me bringing light to what should be but isn’t.

You all saw my spiel before we got into the rankings about Points For and Points Against, So I probably don’t need to mention again how Sweet Carolina is hands down the unluckiest fantasy team I have ever seen through 6 weeks of a season and how it’s actually preposterous how many points they’ve scored and yet how many points have been scored against them and how every other team should be thanking the high heavens that they haven’t had to play the teams Sweet Carolina has played when they’ve played them.

So glad we aren’t rehashing that.

Instead let’s talk about how Sweet Carolina gets production from all over its roster, and is putting up points despite not having a boom week where everyone has put it together at once. Sweet Carolina has ridden various spot games from Hurts, Diggs, Aiyuk, Mostert, Henry, and even Christian Kirk to the second highest point total in the league. Nevermind that Darren Waller, Miles Sanders, and any defense they start being terrible, the other assets are producing.

If this team can catch some luck, it could be a championship-caliber squad.

Pro Comparison: 2009 screwed-by-Bounty-Gate Minnesota Vikings 

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4. 

Turn down for Watt (4-2) Y! Draft Grade: B Preseason Rank: 7 (+3)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 9

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Turn Down for Watt might not be top 3 in the rankings, but they are top 4, if that’s any consolation. This team had paths to True Greatness and paths to True Ineptitude and happily found a compromise somewhere around Quite Good.

Preseason - Path to True Greatness: Justin Fields becomes Lamar Jackson lite, Tyreek Hill and AJ Brown are monsters, Etienne finally becomes a #1 option, Breece Hall benefits from Aaron Rodgers, Michael Thomas and Terry McLaurin turn back the clock.

After Week 2 - Path to True Ineptitude:

There had to be concern after Week 2.

We knew the spottiness of Justin Fields last year – scoring 40 one week and scoring 10 another. It’s been relatively the same this year, but most thought he was going to take a significant step forward. Unfortunately, he just hasn’t - giving Turn Down for Watt reason to consider Geno Smith as a “safe” option for a consistent 17 points and hopeful for 20+.. but that hasn't really worked out either.

Breece Hall was horrible with the Jets offense going one-dimensional post-Rodgers’ injury.

AJ Brown looked anemic.

Tyreek Hill barely saved his fantasy day with a TD.

After Week 5 – Quite Good:

There were signs before Week 5: Tyreek and the Dolphins started cooking, AJ Brown started getting things right against Tampa, and the 2022 excitement over Travis Etienne that had (mostly) gone unproven, was returning.

But Week 5… 177 points. 177 points?!

This team isn’t perfect by any stretch. Still don’t know what you’re going to get out of the QBs, Breece Hall, McLaurin/Thomas, etc. But Turn Down for Watt just needs to continue riding the coattails of Tyreek Hill & Travis Etienne and hope for points from the others when possible. And that’s more of a winning formula than most others in this league can boast.

Pro Comparison: 2022 L.A. Chargers

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5.

Johnny Baseball (4-2) Y! Draft Grade: D

Preseason Rank: 8 (+3)

Manager: Chad Holcombe

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

Johnny Baseball’s 4-2 record is exactly two things at once:

1.       Completely justified by the names on its roster.

2.       Completely unjustified by the roster’s performance.

Through 6 weeks, Johnny Baseball scored 100+ three times, and scored in the 80s three times. There’s no in between. And if you look deeper, you’ll see that the three times Johnny Baseball scored 100 or more, there was a singular hero player that had their only hero game of the year.

In Week 2, it was Brian Robinson with 27 points. In Week 4, it was Khalil Herbert with 18 points. In Week 5, it was Ja’Marr Chase with 37 points.

Now, that being said, the roster does have Ja’Marr Chase, Mark Andrews, CeeDee Lamb, and Aaron Jones – all of whom are normally fantasy stars. This year? Not so much. It’s actually been Jared Goff, Brian Robinson, Gabe Davis, and the Eagles Defense that have been most consistent. There’s a puzzler for you.

The bottom line is, Johnny Baseball is a 4-2 team on paper, but should be a 2-4 team in actuality. But if the players that should be stars remember to be stars, and if the players who normally aren’t stars continue to play like stars, then Johnny Baseball might just be a five-star roster.

Pro Comparison: Philadelphia Eagles

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6.

ThrowUpThe X (4-2) Y! Draft Grade: B-

Preseason Rank: 5 (-1)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 14

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

If you’re looking for this year’s imposter so far, look no further. ThrowUpThe X has managed 4 wins while averaging under 100 points per game, which has Butt Fumble and Jets Jets Jets somewhere punching the air. 

Week 1, ThrowUpThe X looked about how we thought they would. Devonta Smith and Calvin Ridley had nearly 30 points, Ekeler and Pollard had 43, the Jets defense was a top 3 unit, and Dak Prescott sucked. All according to schedule. 

After Week 1, though, Ekeler was hurt, and Smith, Ridley, and Pollard have been spotty. The bright spots have actually been Sam LaPorta, Dak, and the Jets defense.. And leaning on those 3 to carry doesn’t feel all that comforting.

Were it not for DJ Moore scoring 41 points on Thursday Night football in Week 5, ThrowUpTheX would be on a 5 week stretch without a 100 point game. But they were still able to pick up a few wins during that stretch as they played Butt Fumble & Jets Jets Jets in back to back weeks.

All that to say, this looks more like a 2-4 team than a 4-2 team BUT, at the end of the day, they’re 4-2. And 4-2 in something as unpredictable as fantasy football might just be enough to pace ThrowUpThe X to a decent season. Ekeler’s return and the others’ potential is enough to have some faith in this team, but the performance thus far has really left a lot to be desired.

Pro Comparison: 2022 Minnesota Vikings

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7.

Pewter Pirates (2-4) Y! Draft Grade: A+

Preseason Rank: 2 (-5)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

Things haven’t gone according to plan. Yahoo said I’d go 13-1 this year. I thought I’d probably go 10-4. That means I need to run the table here on out, because through 6 games, I’m 2-4.

Here’s the thing: there are two reasons that you might point to for why this is the case, but there’s actually only one reason.

I’ll go through the two reasons you might be thinking of, and then I’ll tell you the real reason.

1. RBs haven’t produced as expected. Damien Pierce and Josh Jacobs (two of last year’s top 10 RBs) have been OK at best, averaging just 8 ppg a piece. Jonathan Taylor returned from his bogus PUP and has scored exactly 9 points in two games.

2.  WRs hampered by something. Mike Williams was lost for the year due to injury (blink twice if you saw that coming). Drake London and Amari Cooper’s production is completely unpredictable based on how bad their QB decides to be on a given week.

Now, the real reason: the existence of Taylor Swift. If Taylor Swift didn’t exist, I’d be 5-1.

The real boon of the year so far for this team has been the stacking of Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce not performing to their past.

Through 6 weeks last year, Travis Kelce had scored 88 points. This year: 52. Rough. 36 points may not sound like a lot, but if one player could have added 6 points per week, OR if he could’ve just had one of those 3 or 4 TD games, I might’ve won some of those dang shootouts I’ve had with practically everybody. Alas, the dude is distracted because T-Swift’s cardigan-wearing-self decided she needed to invest in some future breakup content.

Anyways, it’s not a bad team but it’s not a great one either, despite what Yahoo thought 6 weeks ago. 

Pro Comparison: Cincinnati Bengals

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8.

Golden Boy (1-5) Y! Draft Grade: D- Preseason Rank: 10 (+2)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 2

Best Finish: 6th (2022)

After having what I considered to be a terrible draft, Golden Boy has proven to have a punchy team that probably should have a couple more wins than it currently has. Week 1, Golden Boy needed Josh Allen to have just 1.5 points in the second half to beat Pewter Pirates. Unfortunately, Allen had an interception and 2 fumbles and managed to have -1 points in the second half.

In Week 3, Golden Boy put up 118 points only to be upstaged by Ruthlessberger’s 145. In Week 5, Golden Boy put up 109 in a 12-point loss to Johnny Baseball… with Alvin Kamara’s 16 points sitting on the bench.

It’s a tough start to swallow for Golden Boy, who, at 1-5, is dead last in the league. But really? This team should probably be at least 3-3.

Golden Boy also deserves some credit for drafting some players that I didn’t have a ton of faith in, but have panned out pretty well. Most notably, David Montgomery, who everyone and their mom thought would lose touches to Jahmyr Gibbs. Instead, it’s been Montgomery giving everyone scares in their fantasy matchups this year. Unfortunately for Golden Boy, Montgomery is now hurt.

I don’t have a lot of faith that Golden Boy is going to be a real competitor down the stretch, but I do think that this could be a last-team-in squad, especially considering the next two teams on this list.

Pro Comparison: Arizona Cardinals

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9.

Butt Fumble (2-4) Y! Draft Grade: D

Preseason Rank: 9 (-)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 10

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

Butt Fumble’s all-time drafting fiasco (taking TJ Hockenson & George Kittle in back to back picks) was sure to limit the ceiling a bit for Butt Fumble. But Justin Jefferson, Davante Adams and Joe Burrow were supposed to stem the tide in the meantime. 

But from Week 1, Butt Fumble has their QBs cycling like rotisserie chicken. Burrow was so bad through 3 weeks, that Butt Fumble actually dropped him. The following week, Burrow had his breakout game versus the Cardinals. Baker was good enough through 2 weeks that Butt Fumble started him against the Eagles.. And he only scored 11 points. Jordan Love had some good games and gave Butt Fumble their best performance on the season at 19 points.. But surely there was something better. Namely, CJ Stroud, who had 3 straight 20 point games going into Week 5. But, one week as Butt Fumble’s starter, and he put up just 14 points. But surely, he would have a bounce back in Week 6, right? He did do better, putting up a whopping 15 points.

Justin Jefferson and Davante Adams were hot to start the season, but Jefferson going on IR and Adams having to overcome Jimmy G have impacted this team further. Now, Butt Fumble is relying on two rookie QBs (Sam Howell & CJ Stroud) to lead the team, and, while they’ve both had great starts to the season as rookies, they are not going to scare anyone playing against Butt Fumble.

The consistent bright spot has been Zach Moss, who has filled in as an RB1 with Jonathan Taylor on the PUP list. And so far, he has continued admirably, but at some point, his volume will decrease significantly with Jonathan Taylor’s return.

In other words, despite some star players, there are enough limitations with the roster that Butt Fumble may need to look for some trade partners to improve the team.

Pro Comparison: 

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10.

Jets Jets Jets (2-4) Y! Draft Grade: C-

Preseason Rank: 6 (-4)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

Jets Jets Jets is a dumpster fire. It’s the only team in the league to have failed to score 100 points this season, and boasts a Points For that is 100 points lower than the next guy. Yes, you read that right.

It all started when the Jets season went up in flames 4 plays into the season. Aaron Rodgers’ injury gravely impacted Garrett Wilson and Dalvin Cook’s fantasy outlook - which especially hurt Jets Jets Jets who reached for them in the draft expecting good things.

Following that up, Trevor Lawrence and Chris Olave have both had underwhelming starts to the season.

There has been only ONE bright spot to Jets Jets Jets, and his name is Devon Achane. But for one of the most colossally unfortunate fantasy moments of all time, Jets Jets Jets had to watch Achane put up 47 points ON THE BENCH in Week 3. Talk about pain. The only silver lining there was that they still would have lost even if Achane had played - which should give some context to how rough of a season it’s been.

Incredibly, Jets Jets Jets have been so bad that not even Justin Tucker and the SF defense can save them.

In other words, Jets Jets Jets should be absolutely ECSTATIC to have 2 wins on the season.

Pro Comparison: 2008 Detroit Lions

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2023 POWER RANKINGS - POST-DRAFT 

Welcome to 2023’s Elite Fantasy League - the league’s 15th year in operation. For me, I am proud that this league has such a storied history. For you, know that being part of and winning a championship in a league that has been around this long is something to be very proud of. For your sake, hopefully your draft will be the reason you’ll lift Fauxbardi XV.

And, if you didn’t see it before, feel free to check out this elaborate statistical view of the league’s history: EFL history.pdf

Before we get too far…

A Rundown on Last Season’s Finale

Jets Jets Jets paced the league last year, only truly challenged by Pewter Pirates’ late season surge.

Of course, that lasted all of one weekend - preempted by a series of #freezingcoldtakes from yours truly…

Cold take #1:

FIRST ROUND:

Cold take #2:

SEMI-FINAL

Cold take #3:

CHAMPIONSHIP

Yes, it’s true. Ruthlessberger ran the table and held off Butt Fumble (who was vying for their second set of back-to-back championships) to complete the Elite Fantasy League’s first WORST-TO-FIRST season and second 8th-seed title run.

Unlucky for Ian, since he never sent me his address last year for his Toilet Trophy, he received both his 2022 Fauxbardi and 2021 Toilet Trophy at the same time.

Speaking of Toilet Trophies: Michael Schultz’s Sweet Carolina was kind enough to take that off of our hands in 2022. And I was kind enough to send it to him as a wedding gift. Good news for Sweet Carolina is, the precedent for worst-to-first is now set by 2021-2022 Ruthlessberger. So maybe a second run is in the works?

Now, onto the rest…

The Rankings

With a VERY interesting draft in the books, let’s take a look at how much we agree or disagree with Yahoo’s draft grades. I really think that we’ll be a pretty even group this year, despite what Yahoo may think about our disparity. 

Pewter Pirates and Ruthlessberger seemed to have found the draft's secret sauce getting the only two A+ draft grades I can remember seeing all-time. Probably just a coincidence that they were the only teams to pick two kickers, right?

Speaking of disparity, just look at where we stack up on the grading scale:

So, with that said, here’s where I think we start the season from a power ranking standpoint. Of course, this is the most conjectural of all conjectures because we have no idea which 3rd string RB will become the league leader and which #1 overall pick will be hurt all year.

Read ‘em and don’t weep.

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1.

Run CMC

Y! Draft Grade: B-

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 5

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

I can’t tell you exactly why the two A+ drafters aren’t here at the top, but dang it, I just like this team.

Justin Herbert didn’t send shock waves last year, but could’ve just been experiencing a little sophomore slump. Tee Higgins was WR12 last year if you exclude his weeks injured - a true Pippen to Ja’Marr Chase’s MJ. Amon Ra St. Brown and Deebo Samuel probably round out the best WR core in the league. 

Add to that a healthy CMC and Javonte Williams, a top 3 kicker, and an upside TE… there just isn’t a glaring weakness with the team.

In fact, this team is good enough to have Tyler Lockett and Isiah Pacheco on the bench. You wish you had that problem.

Prone to: Underachieve. Ok, maybe I just raved a lot, but it’s entirely possible that Tyler Lockett and Isiah Pacheco become starters if Deebo Samuel and Kenneth Walker III regress this year due to other weapons on their teams. And, beyond that - not necessarily by any fault of this team - I already went on a flier to put this team at #1, when it could very well be a middle-of-the-road team. So there’s kind of nowhere to go but down from here.

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2.

Ruthlessberger

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2022)

Honest question: How many years has Ruthlessberger had Lamar Jackson? It feels like every year. This is definitely the latest in the draft Ruthlessberger was ever able to snag LJ, though. With his 6^th round pick, Ruthlessberger was able to add LJ to an already-formidable pairing of Cooper Kupp and Saquon Barkley. That kinda feels like 50-60 points weekly right there. But if you’ve known anything about Kupp, Barkley, and LJ over the past few years… they’re slightly susceptible to the injury bug. Any one of those players going down could really screw up Ruthlessberger’s season.

I don’t love the DK Metcalf and Dallas Goedert picks early, but Ruthlessberger did get a couple diamonds in the rough later in the draft with James Cook and Evan McPherson (don’t sleep on the 5-point 50-yard bombers).

What will probably be most frustrating for Ruthlessberger will be LJ stealing carries and TDs from his 2^nd RB, J.K. Dobbins. But the reality is, if Ruthlessberger can get 50 points out of their other 7 players each week, they are going to beat most teams.

Prone to: Underachieve. If only because of the potential for injuries. Otherwise, this team should be a top team.

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3. 

Pewter Pirates

Y! Draft Grade: A+

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

Here’s the thing: these are my ratings. And, yeah, I’m biased, but come on, guys. I killed this draft.

And I’d be #1 in these rankings, too, but I made one blunder by taking a flier on Jonathan Taylor, who is now out for at least 4 weeks because Jim Irsay is a terrible owner. I stand by grabbing Taylor late in the draft because who could’ve seen that coming? We’ll see if it backfires further. But I still like this team without him.

As long as the Chiefs keep Chiefsing, Mike Williams doesn’t lose his back again, Travis Kelce doesn’t realize he’s 34, Ridder is as good as 2022 Mariota was, and the Dallas defense doesn’t catch whatever disease the Cowboys have had as a whole for the past 20 years, we should be in good shape, folks.

Prone to: Stay level. There will be weeks this team underachieves and weeks it overachieves, which will probably land it somewhere around where it currently sits in these rankings.

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4. 

Sweet Carolina

Y! Draft Grade: D

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 3

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

I don’t know what Yahoo hated about this draft other than that it’s a team of shoulds. Hurts should be a QB1 or 2 this season. Diggs should be the focal point of a prolific offense and not let the offseason unrest impact him. Derrick Henry should still be getting 25 touches a game. Darren Waller should be a top (or the top) target for Daniel Jones this season. Mattison should be getting all of the touches Dalvin Cook used to get. Aaron Rodgers should be putting Greg the Leg in scoring range frequently.

I get that a lot of those are less of a sure thing than Sweet Carolina is hoping. But surely the upside is there?

Could’ve had better options than Miles Sanders & Carolina’s defense, but, hey, we’re all homers at heart. 

Prone to: Stay level. There’s just too many players that could be bringing solid points to see this as a true D-level team.

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5.

ThrowUpThe X

Y! Draft Grade: B-

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 14

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

There’s enough to like here. ThrowUpThe X managed to snag two good running backs, one RB with good upside in Gibbs and 3 projected top 25 receivers. Throw in a top 4 defense and you start feeling good about there being a decently high floor for ThrowUpThe X.

Somehow, though, it feels more likely to underachieve than overachieve. The QB and TE spots are uninspiring, two of their RBs have the potential of splitting carries, one of the WRs hasn’t played meaningful games since 2020, and that Top 4 defense faces a brutal schedule.

To his credit, ThrowUpThe X might’ve drafted a career low number of Dallas players (only 3) as long as you don’t include Dalton Schultz, who was in a Cowboys uniform a couple of months ago.

Prone to: Underachieve. Enough question marks to feel like there’s more downside than upside.

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6.

Jets Jets Jets

Y! Draft Grade: C-

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 15

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

If Dalvin Cook is Minnesota Dalvin Cook and NYJ totally forgets about Breece Hall, this team is solid across the board. True to form, Jets Jets Jets might’ve reached for a couple of those Jets players, but darn it if he doesn’t deserve some slack for drafting some comfort players while dealing with kidney stones.

Otherwise, Jets Jets Jets is a team expecting a lot of young players to take a step forward… and with good reason. Trevor Lawrence, Garrett Wilson and Chris Olave are likely all in line for better seasons than a year ago. Just how much better remains to be seen. 

Oh, and teams with Nick Chubb were 8% more likely to win their fantasy leagues last year - better than any non-QB. So that might help.

Prone to: Overachieve. Upside QB, upside WRs, top 5 RB, top K, top DEF. OBJ is what keeps this team grounded from really launching into the top tier of teams.

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7.

Turn down for Watt Y! Draft Grade: B

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 9

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Nailed their first 5 picks, nabbing two top-10 WRs and a couple of running backs and a quarterback, all of whom have high upside (although, Breece Hall has a 30pt font “?” next to him…. Like this: 

  ?)

Unfortunately, after the first 5 picks, the rest of the draft didn’t really provide any players that are overly exciting – instead selecting many players who are trying to find an old form of themselves (read: Diontae Johnson, Michael Thomas, Terry McLaurin, David Njoku). If that works out, Turn down for Watt will be sitting pretty. But Yahoo liked this draft more than my eye test does.

And I don’t like Matt Gay because he was once part of the Bucs 45 year slew of kicking woes.

Prone to: Stay level. Too good to be lower, too many past-primes to be too much higher. And Matt Gay.

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8.

Johnny Baseball

Y! Draft Grade: D

Manager: Chad Holcombe

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

Overall it’s not a bad team. In fact, there’s not much to hate about this team. In fact, the WR core and the oft-overlooked TE/K/DEF combo all look pretty dang good. But I’m not huge on Michael Pittman as a 3rd WR, Aaron Jones and Khalil Herbert as an RB pairing or pretty much anyone on the bench.

A lot of this team’s success will ride on whether Gabe Davis is a true WR2 this year, Ja’Marr Chase has a similar tear to last year, and Aaron Rodgers finds his 2020 form.

Prone to: Stay level. This gives a 6-win-last-team-in-but-could-knock-off-the-number-one-seed-because-most-of-its-players-will-be-on-teams-fighting-until-the-end type of vibe.

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9.

Butt Fumble

Y! Draft Grade: D

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 10

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

What a different draft it would have been if Butt Fumble had been able to draft LJ with the first pick of the 6^th round instead of his second TE in a row. But, as the old adage goes, what’s one man’s technological blunder is another man’s chance at a Fauxbardi. What a true Butt Fumble this turned out to be.

If Ruthlessberger wins something this year, Butt Fumble gets a hockey assist.

Not a shot to Kittle, but if Butt Fumble had gotten LJ, he might’ve been able to use his Burrow pick (which was a nice recovery, by the way) on a serviceable running back. Alas. Internet.

Prone to: Overachieve. Listen, it might not be a huge overachievement for this team to jump a spot or two and make the playoffs, but it still counts. If a burst-onto-the-scene-no-name RB gets picked up off the waiver wire, this team does have pieces that could make it dangerous.

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10.

Golden Boy Y! Draft Grade: D-

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 2

Best Finish: 6th (2022)

Golden Boy had the worst-rated draft of any team in the Elite Fantasy League this year, according to Yahoo. I think the primary suspects are a slew of B+ to C-rated WRs and a completely-unproven-but-worst-projected TE. Otherwise, there’s a decent amount to be excited about on this team. Josh Allen and Bijan Robinson both have chances to be top 5 at their positions. Joe Mixon and Jaylen Waddle are B players, Keenan Allen and Deandre Hopkins are likely past their prime but can still deliver decent numbers ( especially as both are still #1 options for their respective teams), and Harrison Butker is always good for a high-floor with the Chiefs scoring frequently. This might not be the best team, but don’t be surprised if you find yourself stressed on the Sunday that you match up with them.

Prone to: Overachieve. Golden Boy truly might have the highest upside of any of our bottom-half teams, especially if Kamara manages a top 30 RB season after his 3 week suspension is lifted.

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2022 POWER RANKINGS - WEEK 15 

The playoffs are here and at least 8 of us are clinging to some hope of lifting the 2022 Faux-bardi (even though probably only about 6 of us should be). It has been an incredibly tight season with plenty of ups and downs, a very busy waiver wire (over 200 roster moves this season!?), and a depressingly small amount of trash talking.

We have some interesting playoff matchups following a Week 14 that posed far more potential seeding drama than what actually transpired and could have an interesting bunch emerge into the semis next week. 

Oh, and all hail our Toilet Trophy winner of the year: Michael Schultz’s Sweet Carolina. We’re sure that will look great on your mantle for 2023.

Best of luck out there in Round 1, and without further adieu,

Read ‘em and weep.

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1.

Pewter Pirates (2^nd | 8-6)

Week 10 Rank: 5 (+4)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 14

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

Pewter Pirates has finished the year on a blistering tear that included winning 8 out of 9 games  leading to a 2^nd place finish. With the dismal 0-5 start as a distant memory, the last 4 weeks since the latest edition of the power rankings have been a perfect 4-0.

This magical run looks like it could very well continue deep into the playoffs…as long as Pewter Pirates can escape the 1^st round of the playoffs.

The matchup between Pewter Pirates and ThrowUpThe X is the highest projected point total in the league – fitting as these are the highest two Points For teams by more than 100 points. It’s unfortunate that one of these teams will be going home early. Winner gets the chip?

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2.

Jets Jets Jets (1^st | 7-3)

Week 10 Rank: 2 (-)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 14

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

After a strong start and then losing 3 games before our last rankings, Jets Jets Jets has gone 3-1 and recaptured some its magic, stumbling only in the brutal bye-laden Week 14. Even then, Jets Jets Jets would have won just by playing JK Dobbins who sat on the bench with 18 points in a 6 point loss. The roster has strong contributors that will still be playing hard in the next few weeks to push their teams into the playoffs.

The biggest concern going into these fantasy playoffs (which I’m not sure is a massive concern with Christian Watson in the wings) is losing Deebo Samuel.

Interestingly, Jets Jets Jets’ first round matchup is a Week 14 rematch against Ruthlessberger. But this time, Jets Jets Jets will have Jonathan Taylor, JK Dobbins and Zonovan Knight at their disposal.

Expect Jets Jets Jets to be around next weekend.

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3. 

Butt Fumble (4^th | 8-6)

Week 10 Rank: 4 (+1)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

Overall it’s been a relatively topsy-turvy season for Butt Fumble who haven’t been able to truly find a groove.

It’s just a putrid running game that is holding this team back from greatness and being a true contender for a 4th title in 6 years.

In Week 14, Butt Fumble played Jamaal Williams, Jeff Wilson Jr., and Rashaad White, who all combined for 11.9 points. Incredibly, their bench was no better with two RBs combining for 7.3. So, pick your poison, but don’t be mistaken - it’s all poison.

The good news is that Butt Fumble was able to post 100 points anyways because of strong showings from Josh Allen, Justin Jefferson, DK Metcalf and Brandon Aiyuk.

The reason Butt Fumble is in 3rd place in these rankings is because of the first round matchup. If the passing game can hold firm for Round 1, Butt Fumble should be able to get past shorthanded The Falcoholics.

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4. 

ThrowUpThe X (5^th | 5-5)

Week 10 Rank: 1 (-3)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 13

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

In Week 10’s rankings I said, “If you live and die by the Cowboys, you will inevitably die.”

I gotta be honest with y’all: I’m hoping Week 15 is the week it ThrowUpThe X inevitably dies. 

ThrowUpThe X hasn’t had a great record for the past four weeks at 1-3, but have been averaging about 115 points, which is far above league average and also doubles as ThrowUpTheX’s projected point total for their 1^st round matchup with Pewter Pirates.

Going 1-3 in the last four weeks has been a microcosm of their entire season. Despite being far and away the highest Points For team in the league, ThrowUpThe X found themselves at 6-8 by season’s end.

The first round against Pewter Pirates is a true toss-up. The last time the teams met, Pewter Pirates won 116-114 – an ironic point total given that both teams are projected to split the difference at 115. The true X factor here is going to be the 1:00p matchup between the Dallas Cowboys and Jacksonville Jaguars. If Dallas has a strong showing, ThrowUpThe X should be in good shape given half of their team plays for the Cowboys.

Edit: George Kittle just scored a touchdown so I’m feeling better about it.

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5.

Ruthlessberger (8^th | 6-8)

Week 10 Rank: 8 (+3)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 6

Best Finish: 2nd (2020)

Ruthlessberger’s got a much needed win in Week 14 against Jets Jets Jets to make the playoffs and set up…another matchup with Jets Jets Jets.

The season has just been a series of unfortunate events for Ruthlessberger, who lost both Cooper Kupp and Javonte Williams to fantasy-season-ending injuries. Then it was the undynamic duo of Melvin Gordon and Kareem Hunt. Then missing Tua’s good weeks… then playing Jared Goff at some unfortunate times… which was recovered with a resurgent Travis Etienne and upstart Jerrick McKinnon. Frankly, the rest of the league probably dodged a bullet, otherwise it would likely be Ruthlessberger hoisting the Faux-bardi this year.

Alas, for Ruthlessberger, the 1^st round matchup with Jets Jets Jets might seal the fate of an underachieving season.

Hopefully, this time around Ruthlessberger can get some points out of Tee Higgins and Foster Moreau.

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6.

The Falcoholics (5^th | 7-7)

Week 10 Rank: 7 (+1)

Manager: Ryan Johnson

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2019)

The Falcoholics might have had the most impressive Week 14 of anyone, and that is including Pewter Pirates’ 150-point shellacking. To put it in perspective, The Falcoholics chose to play 5 players with less than a 10-point projected total and went +38 on those players. That’s either ballsy substituting or the necessity of a thin-bench happening to work out. Interestingly, their players with a 10+ point projection went -17 compared to projected.

Once you solve that puzzle, let The Falcoholics know because they’re going to need that type of performance again going into a first round matchup against Butt Fumble. Which is only exasperated further by Tua and Saquon, who haven’t been as reliable in recent weeks, and a bench that is about as thin as one can be in a 10-team league. 

The unsung hero of The Falcoholics season? Bill Belicheck’s NE Defense which has nearly as many fantasy points as Joe Mixon, Amon Ra St. Brown and Dameon Pierce. It’ll be interesting to see if they show out on the road in Las Vegas Sunday afternoon.

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7.

Golden Boy (3^rd | 9-5)

Week 10 Rank: 9 (+2)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

The unlikely run for Golden Boy only continued since our last rankings as they managed to go 3-1 to finish with a 2^nd best 9-5 record on the year.

The good news is that this time around it was at least partially deserved. If you remember our last rankings, I scoffed at the fact that all of Golden Boy’s opponents happened to have their worst week of the season against them. Well, The Falcoholics decided to join that list right after the Week 10 rankings with a 51-point showing in Week 11. Golden Boy’s saving grace (from a reputation standpoint) was that they at least scored 107 points, which was far above their average of 90 points throughout the season. In fact, Golden Boy averaged 106 points over the final four weeks of the season.

That bodes well for their 1^st round matchup with Jujus on that Beat. Despite having the second lowest point total in the league, it is entirely possible that Golden Boy finds himself in the semi-finals next week.

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8.

Jujus on that Beat (6^th | 7-7)

Week 10 Rank: 3 (-5)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Jujus went 1-3 in their final 4 weeks, never cracking 90 points along the way. Unfortunately, they find themselves as the coldest team going into the playoffs – a tough spot to be in for a team looking to make it past the first round for the first time since 2018. It was a major slide from the early season success that looked like Jujus could break out of the inevitable 6^th seed that they find themselves in each year. It coincided (unsurprisingly) with the injury to Lamar Jackson, promotion of an underwhelming Dak Prescott to starter, and a slew of support players coughing up single-digit performances.

Alas, fate would have its way once again, and Jujus ended the season right there in the 6^th spot. Classic.

The silver lining: if there was ever a team to be excited about facing in the first round of the playoffs, it’s Golden Boy. Jujus has a very real chance to pull off “the upset” and move on to the playoff’s second weekend. They are just going to need to get some lifts from a running game that has haunted them all year.

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9.

Run CMC (9^th | 5-9)

Week 10 Rank: 6 (-3)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

The season really just didn’t go as planned for our 2019 champ, exemplified by missing the playoffs in part because Kyler Murray headed to IR and Rhamondre Stevenson left the game early in Week 14’s tragic fantasy matchup between AZ and NE. That sucked. 

But, in hindsight, we should have seen it coming. In fact, it came just after losing Jimmy G for the season. Which was right after losing Darnell Mooney. Which was right after losing Khalil Herbert. Which was right after losing Allen Robinson.

I don’t need to go on, but heck, why not? Allen Robinson was right after losing Mike Williams. Which was right after losing Chase Edmonds. Which was right after losing D’Andre Swift. Which was right after losing Mecole Hardman.

So, Run CMC has every right to be frustrated with this season. But all said and done, they did well to be competitive until the end. Not that there’s any solace in that.

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10.

Sweet Carolina (10^th | 4-10)

Week 10 Rank: 10 (-)

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 2

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

A disappointing season comes to a close with a disappointing 66-point showing in a game that had no decisive impact on the outcome of the season. While not an awful season overall, in such a competitive league, 4-10 was just good enough to earn Sweet Carolina the (not) coveted Toilet Trophy.

After Week 7, the wheels came off. Battling injuries and watching key contributors lose their playing time to younger members of their respective teams, Sweet Carolina just couldn’t string together back to back weeks with decent points to get anything going. Certainly a far cry from last year’s Bronze medal, but this trophy is still bronze. Just a bit more commodal than the last.

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2022 POWER RANKINGS - WEEK 10 

I have never seen such a tight league in my life. All of us are within 4 wins of each other, and 80% of us are averaging within 10 points of each other week in and week out. It’s an impressive balance. Congratulations.

Sucks for me, though. Or maybe it sucks for you. Because that means these might be the most subjective rankings yet. But it also means that many of you do have a case to #1… even if it isn’t the strongest case.

Best of luck out there in Week 11, and without further adieu,

Read ‘em and weep.

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1.

ThrowUpThe X (5^th | 5-5)

Week 5 Rank: 5 (+4)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 13

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

Resume:

ThrowUp The X has the most points scored in the league by a pretty wide margin. So why is this team 5-5? The points are skewed by the fact that they have had 3 weeks in which they scored 135, 158, and 173. Outside of those 3 weeks, chances are, if you score 105 against them, you win.

Argument for #1:

Most points scored, very balanced. Great RB tandem, good receivers, above average QB, solid bench, no significant drop off with the rest of the roster.

Argument against #1:

RD at the beginning of this season: “I always end up with a bunch of Cowboys players, but this year I’m going to be smart.”

RD today: CeeDee Lamb, Dalton Schultz, Tony Pollard, Dallas Defense, and former Cowboy Amari Cooper.

If you live and die by the Cowboys, you will inevitably die.

But for today, you’re #1.

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2.

Jets Jets Jets (1^st | 7-3)

Week 5 Rank: 2 (-)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 14

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

Resume:

Currently league-leader at 7-3. Weeks 1-4 this team looked unbeatable. Weeks 4-8 this team looked pedestrian. Weeks 9-10 it’s starting to look like a juggernaut again.

Argument for #1:

#1 in the standings today. Patrick Mahomes is good for 35 points any given week. Look out folks, we just had a Jonathan Taylor sighting, and the WR corps of Tyreek Hill, Deebo Samuel, and Christian Kirk might be the highest ceiling group in the league despite inconsistency. Let’s not forget special teams, either. Tyler Bass and Denver DEF are valuable contibutors.

Argument against #1:

4^th lowest point total in the league. It’s a high-ceiling team, but Jets Jets Jets’s RBs and WRs can’t be trusted to consistently score each week. It’s more common to get 2 of 5 hitting and 3 of 5 not.

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3. 

Jujus on that Beat (2^nd | 6-4)

Week 5 Rank: 4 (+1)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Resume:

While finding themselves in 2^nd place with a 6-4 record, Jujus on that Beat has managed to be consistently inconsistent. Through the first 6 weeks of the season, if you caught Jujus on an odd-numbered week, it was a bad day. If you caught them on an even-numbered day, you might just have a chance. Then, in Week 7, Jujus decided to swap that. You need to see it to believe it.

Week 1: 132 points     Week 2: 74 points

Week 3: 132 points     Week 4: 97 points

Week 5: 132 points     Week 6: 92 points

^ (yes, truly had 132 points in each odd week)

Week 7: 76 points        Week 8: 119 points

Week 9: 91 points        Week 10: 107 points

Argument for #1:

Good team management, Lamar Jackson, TE duo, deep bench. Jujus has not had to play the waiver wire much, but when they have, it has largely been effective. Lamar is still a fantasy king. Travis Kelce and TJ Hockensen are probably 2 of the top 4 tight ends in the game right now, and the bench is deep. The deep bench has been key for overcoming the underperformers.

Argument against #1:

The team really hasn’t played outstandingly well (like we would expect from a #1) over the past 5 weeks. Further, the WR corps looks as suspect as ever. I wouldn’t trust Jeudy, Boyd, MVS, Lockett, Doubs, Pittman or Refrow to clear 7 points on any given week. Unfortunately, they either are on bad offenses, or play 2^nd-3^rd fiddle in a good offense. It’s not a bad situation, but it’s not one that can be counted on.

While 100 points are a relatively safe bet, it feels like the 132-point days might be in the past unless a new X-factor shows up.

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4. 

Butt Fumble (3^rd | 6-4)

Week 5 Rank: 1 (-3)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

Resume:

Butt Fumble started the strong season at 4-1, and was our Week 5 PR #1. Weeks 6-9 weren’t so generous to the team, as they failed to crack 100 points in any of their games. Week 10 saw Butt Fumble finally get north of the 100-point threshold again on the back of that wild Bills v. Vikings game.

Argument for #1:

This team still has Josh Allen and Justin Jefferson, who can each go for 40 any given week, and also boasts a fairly deep bench. And, despite the recent struggles, the team is still 3^nd in the league at 6-4.

Argument against #1:

The RB room just hasn’t panned out this season. Leonard Fournette has been a disappointment, and the rest have been spotty. Currently, Jeff Wilson Jr. might be the most consistent RB on the roster, but is out on Bye in Week 11. It also doesn’t help that Diontae Johnson has been the victim of the Steelers’ offensive struggles. Oh, and we’re just streaming defenses each week for the foreseeable future.

The faith in this team just isn’t there right now. Week 12 may be better as players come off of their Byes.

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5.

Pewter Pirates (8^th | 4-6)

Week 5 Rank: 10 (+5)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 14

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

Resume:

After starting the season 0-5, Pewter Pirates has won 4 of 5 while scoring 100 or more points in its last 5 contests.

Argument for #1:

Most points scored over the past 5 weeks, 3^rd overall, and the apparent fantasy MVP of the past 4 weeks: Justin Fields.

Argument against #1:

The last 5 weeks have been great, but Bye weeks will likely trip up Pewter Pirates in week 11, and the loss of Ja’Marr Chase to injury over the last few weeks has split up an otherwise potent WR trio. And is Justin Fields’ ground game production viable long-term? At some point, teams will find a way to slow him down as they have Jalen Hurts. If that happens, it’s back to Aaron Rodgers, which at this point, feels like a very bad thing.

If the team can get fully healthy and continue the playoff push (currently last in at #8), watch out.

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6.

Run CMC (6^th | 5-5)

Week 5 Rank: 3 (-3)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

Resume:

Opposite of The Falcoholics, Run CMC has lost 3 straight after starting 5-2, but still boasts the 2^nd highest point total in the league.

Argument for #1:

Look at this team! There have top-level contributors at nearly every position. Great WR tandem, good RBs, Philly DEF, high-ceiling TE. Not only that, but Kenneth Walker was a huge waiver wire pickup.

Argument against #1:

Kyler Murray and injuries. Kyler has not been the fantasy option he has been in the past. Mike Williams’ injury disrupted a great WR trio of Williams, Evans, and McLaurin. Swift’s injury split up the dynamic duo of Swift and McCaffrey and now it looks like Swift might have lost not just his starting job but maybe #2 as well? Mark Andrews has been hampered by injuries seemingly all season. Going into Week 11, Run CMC has to trot <100% Kyler Murray & <100% Mark Andrews out onto the field while Mike Evans and Kenneth Walker III will be riding the bench on bye.

This team at full strength can and should beat anyone. But who knows if it’ll ever get there.

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7.

The Falcoholics (7^th | 5-5)

Week 5 Rank: 8 (+1)

Manager: Ryan Johnson

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2019)

Resume:

The Falcoholics have been streaky this season, and find themselves at 5-5 on the year in 7^th place. In weeks 1-3, The Falcoholics scored 100+ points in each of their games and went 2-1. In weeks 4-7, the Falcoholics scored less than 100 points in each of their games and went 0-4. Now, they’ve won 3 straight including at 150 outburst (hello, Joe Mixon) in Week 9 to get back to .500.

Argument for #1:

Tua is a sleeper MVP candidate, and the RB trio of Joe Mixon, Saquon Barkley, and Dameon Pierce might be the best in the league. New England’s defense has had some boom weeks that can carry a team.

Argument against #1:

There just aren’t any pass catchers on this team. The Falcoholics only have 3 WRs on the roster, so what you see is what you get with Amon-Ra St. Brown, Juju, and Courtland Sutton. Unfortunately, none of them have had more than 3 weeks with 10 points or more. And the only true TE is Darren Waller, who has been injured most of the season. Taysom Hill is intriguing in that spot, but the intrigue is skewed by that one amazing game he had against Seattle in Week 5.

Week 10’s win was clutch to stay in the middle of the standings and pull Run CMC down to .500, but the win wasn’t very impressive. It showed how much the team relies on Joe Mixon and the New England DEF each week.

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8.

Ruthlessberger (9^th | 3-7)

Week 5 Rank: 5 (-3)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 6

Best Finish: 2nd (2020)

Resume:

Ruthlessberger is scratching their head so hard that it’s bleeding. They find themselves in 9^th place with a 3-7 record despite having the 4^th highest point total in the league. Ruthlessberger has had 100 more points scored against them than the next highest team in the league.

In fact, teams playing Ruthlessberger are averaging 120 points against them. In case you were wondering, the league average excluding Ruthlessberger is 102. That’s some unfortunate luck. In other words, Ruthlessberger is in the complete opposite situation as Golden Boy, who I will eviscerate in just a moment.

Argument for #1:

I mean it’s a stacked roster. Hurts, Diggs, Higgins, Kupp, Waddle, Etienne. Not to mention they are averaging a 4^th best 106 points per game.

Argument against #1:

The argument against #1 might be the only reason the team isn’t #1: Running Backs. Thank goodness for Ruthlessberger that Travis Etienne Jr. seems to have found his way, because Melvin Gordon and Kareem Hunt have been good for about 12 points combined each week. Week 11 might not be super nice to Ruthlessberger either because they have some key players on Bye. But they need the win because it is against fellow cellar-dweller Sweet Carolina.

Surely, the tides will turn, right? THE INJUSTICE MUST END.

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9.

Golden Boy (5^th | 3-2)

Week 5 Rank: 7 (-2)

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

Resume:

Tied for 2^nd best record in the league at 6-4. Somehow this manager must play defense because their Points Against is almost as low as their Points For.

Argument for #1:

There is absolutely no basis for any argument for #1. Not even style points.

Argument against #1:

Let me paint you a picture.

Golden Boy has averaged 90 points per game this season.  The league average is 105.5 points per game. Logically, this would translate to Golden Boy losing many games.

ON THE CONTRARY. Golden Boy has won 6 games. How?

Golden Boy’s opponents have somehow all had terrible weeks against them. While Golden Boy is averaging 90 points per game, opponents are only averaging 91.6 points per game. But even that is misleading. Let’s take out the two weeks where Golden Boy’s opponents scored 132 and 123 against them. The average for the other 8 weeks is just 82.6 points per game.

All this to say, teams that go to play Golden Boy die. In fact, Golden Boy has faced 3 teams who happened to have their WORST game of their season. Golden Boy has also faced 4 teams who happened to have their SECOND WORST game of their season, and still managed to lose one of those games as well (Jets Jets Jets beat Golden Boy with 78 points in Week 6).

Still, unless Golden Boy goes on a losing streak to finish the season, they are primed to make the playoffs. The intriguing component for seeding will be reflected in that any team that matches Golden Boy’s win total will have the tie breaker because of the Points For spread.

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10.

Sweet Carolina (10^th | 3-7)

Week 5 Rank: 9 (-1)

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 2

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

Resume:

Let me be clear: Sweet Carolina is not worse than Golden Boy. BUT wins matter when it comes to a chance to make the playoffs, and unfortunately Sweet Carolina has not had Golden Boy’s fortune. 

Argument for #1:

There isn’t much of one. The bright spot has been Michael’s impressive insistence on starting the Carolina Defense, which has actually performed admirably this year despite only being 3% rostered across all Yahoo leagues. The roster isn’t inherently bad, but unfortunately none of the players, including the stars, can be counted on to score 10 points. This team would’ve been amazing last year. It’s just not last year anymore.

Argument against #1:

Sweet Carolina has had some real duds, exemplified by an abysmal 49 point showing in Week 9. Normally, when a team scores that few it’s because they left someone in the lineup that was out. Nope, not for Sweet Carolina, who saw their receivers combine for 9 points and their defense score -2. It also didn’t help that Eli Mitchell was on IR most of the season and that Aaron Jones, Alvin Kamara, and DJ Moore have underperformed.

It just hasn’t been a lucky season for Sweet Carolina. And to add icing to it, a potential suspension for Kamara might be looming.

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2022 POWER RANKINGS - WEEK 5 

My slacking amounts to a late start on the power rankings this year, but maybe that provides the sample size we need to get a good understanding of how everyone is doing.

First, let’s look again at how we got here:

A Rundown on Last Season’s Finale

It was total domination by Champa Bay all season long, going 13-1. Meanwhile, Jets Jets Jets struggled mightily all year, starting 0-5. However, the team finished the year winning 3 of 5 to sneak into the final playoff spot via tiebreaker over 5-win Taters Tots. 

That all came to a head in the first round of the playoffs, when Jets Jets Jets pulled off the upset over #1 Champa Bay, and then proceeded to beat #2 Sweet Carolina to reach the championship game.

That much is a perfect flip from 2020, when Champa Bay did the same to Jets Jets Jets. The only difference? Jets Jets Jets came up just short of becoming the third-ever 8th seed to win a championship, losing to a Butt Fumble team that had been solid all year, and put it together at just the right time.

Butt Fumble’s championship officially solidifies them as the first official dynasty of the Elite Fantasy League, becoming the only ever 3-time champ and third title in 6 years.

Where We Are Currently

One team change this year: Taters Tots said au revoir to the Elite League (which might be fitting given his performances over 3 years), and we welcome Golden Boy as a first-time entry.

As for team performances to date: all bets are off. We have teams with a lot of points and few wins, no points and multiple wins, huge boom weeks, miserably low weeks, and enough uncertainty that the fortunes could still swing in any direction.

The only consistency? Butt Fumble and Jets Jets Jets are #1 and #2. Just like 2021.

Best of luck out there in Week 6, and without further adieu,

Read ‘em and weep.

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1.

Butt Fumble (1^st | 4-1)

2021 Finish: 1 (-)

Manager: Austin Owen

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: Champ (3x – 2016, 2017, 2021)

Our defending champ has only lost once and scored 132 points in the loss.

Josh Allen is the only consistent scorer, but Butt Fumble has consistently played players on the exact week they explode.

Justin Jefferson and D’Andre Swift in Week 1, Tampa Defense in Week 2, DeVonta Smith in Week 3, Jamaal Williams in Week 4, and Leonard Fournette in Week 5.

A second back-to-back championship set in the works?

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2.

Jets Jets Jets (2^nd | 4-1)

2021 Finish: 2 (-)

Manager: Tim Cook

Years in League: 14

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2015)

Week 5 was Jets Jets Jets first loss of the year and first week under 100 points. Incredibly, Jets Jets Jets is performing this well without #1 pick Jonathan Taylor having a decent year. In fact, Jonathan Taylor has had a terrible year. Yet, a balanced passing attack of Mahomes, Tyreek, Deebo, and Christian Kirk have paced, while James Robinson, Clyde Edwards-Helaire and J.K. Dobbins have each had their moments in the limelight. 

Lack of consistency in the running game is the only real weakness on the team, which could change in a hurry if Jonathan Taylor finds his old form.

This time, hopefully not a runner-up.

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3. 

Run CMC (4^th | 3-2)

2021 Finish: 8 (+5)

Manager: Nick Gosney

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2019)

Similar to Butt Fumble, outside of Week 1, Run CMC has been a model of consistency. The team has not had any players score 30 points or more, but they have had 11 NON-QUARTERBACK PLAYERS score 10 points or more on their roster. That translates to a very high floor, which means Run CMC is set up for sustained success, all things remaining equal.

Not a whole lot of luck choosing the right RB2 so far (the bench RB has generally performed better, no matter which Run CMC starts), but at this point, hasn’t affected the win column.

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4. 

Jujus on that Beat (3^rd | 4-1)

2021 Finish: 5 (+1)

Manager: Joshuwa Shelton

Years in League: 7

Best Finish: 3rd (2018)

Week 1 was by far Jujus on that Beat’s best week. It was balanced, it was 132 points, and it was beautiful.

Since then, Jujus has been able to get 3 more wins averaging 120 points per game, but it’s very hard to feel secure in the wins for the following reasons:

• Random, unpredictable, one-time boom weeks from unexpected players (i.e. Tyler Lockett, Nick Folk, Rashad Penny and Tyler Boyd)

• Most of the players on this team are:

  • On struggling offenses: 

    • Washington, Denver, Indianapolis, or 

  • Or inconsistent offenses: 

    • Cincinnati, Minnesota, Seattle

Still, 4 wins is 4 wins, and that’s nothing to slouch about, especially with a winnable game against The Falcoholics on tap for Week 6.

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5.

ThrowUpThe X (6^th | 2-3)

2021 Finish: 6 (+1)

Manager: RD Gallant

Years in League: 13

Best Finish: Champ (1x - 2013)

Well that was a lot of points. 

After a Week 5 shellacking of Ruthlessberger, ThrowUpThe X has given us some reason to believe, especially with the resurgence of Austin Ekeler.

Sure, Dallas Defense and Gabe Davis can’t be expected to score a combined 50 points each week, but even if they scored a combined 15, ThrowUpThe X still would’ve had 138 points.

With Ekeler and Chubb locking down the RB position, Amari Cooper and CeeDee Lamb playing well (generally), and having maybe the best backup QB in the league in Geno Smith (who’d have thunk?), ThrowUpThe X has to feel good about going into Week 6 as the final week before Deandre Hopkins comes off of suspension.

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6.

Ruthlessberger (7^th | 2-3)

2021 Finish: 10 (+5)

Manager: Ian Svendsen

Years in League: 6

Best Finish: 2nd (2020)

I like this team. It’s probably one running back away from being elite, but it’s still an enviable team.

Jalen Hurts, Cooper Kupp, and Stefon Diggs haven’t been as consistent as we may have expected them to be, but those three alone can be good for nearly 100 points when they all hit. Add to that Jaylen Waddle and Tee Higgins, who both have had multiple 15+ point weeks and Kareem Hunt and Melvin Gordon who tend to steal goal-line carries and this team can be pretty dangerous. 

Probably not a championship contender at this point, but you certainly don’t want to play them.

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7.

Golden Boy (5^th | 3-2)

2021 Finish: N/A

Manager: Kyler Stock

Years in League: 1

Best Finish: N/A

Replaced one Taters Tots and got another?

From a wins and talent perspective, this ranking might be too low.

From a performance perspective, this ranking is an atrocity.

Golden Boy has successfully managed to muster the least number of points in the league and has somehow swung 3 wins out of it.

To his credit, Golden Boy has Davante Adams, Derrick Henry, Zeke, Keenan Allen, Zach Ertz and The GOAT. Ironically, none of those individuals are having the season that was expected of them outside of Zach Ertz. Derrick Henry might finally be coming along, but Tampa’s offense looks broken, Davante Adams is about to be suspended, and Keenan Allen can’t stay healthy.

If that first list of individuals gets their acts together, maybe this team can remain in the upper-half of the league where it currently (very fortunately) finds itself. Otherwise, the points have to catch up with them at some point.

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8.

The Falcoholics (8^th | 2-3)

2021 Finish: 4 (-4)

Manager: Ryan Johnson

Years in League: 4

Best Finish: 3rd (2019)

This team probably deserves #7, but the last two weeks haven’t been pretty. After scoring 100+ points per game in Weeks 1-3, The Falcoholics has averaged in the mid-80s the last two weeks, which were both losses.

If the Russell Wilson to Courtland Sutton connection had been 1/3rd of what was touted before the season started, this team would be dangerous. Also, The Falcoholics has been the victim of missed opportunities. Damien Pierce had two great weeks on the bench, and Taysom Hill just put up 35 points on the bench in Week 5. Still, Joe Mixon and Saquon Barkley are formidable at RB, and Amon Ra St. Brown has been good (other than Week 5) when healthy for Detroit. The team is good enough to be a playoff team, but won’t be a true contender unless something changes.

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9.

Sweet Carolina (9^th | 1-4)

2021 Finish: 3 (-6)

Manager: Michael Schultz

Years in League: 2

Best Finish: 3rd (2021)

The only reason this team isn’t #10 is because Pewter Pirates exists. 

The bad news: Eli Mitchell and Cordarell Patterson are on IR, Chris Olave is the only decent receiver apparently (what happened to DJ Moore?), Dalton Schultz sucks now?, and we’re now excited when Joe Burrow gets 20 points.

The good news: Sweet Carolina was able to squeak out its first win in 2022 this week, Alvin Kamara is back, Tyler Higbee has been a great replacement at TE, and Aaron Jones is still good most of the time.

Maybe this team could make a playoff push, but it’ll need to find more consistency at QB, WR, and DEF.

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10.

Pewter Pirates (10^th | 0-5)

2021 Finish: 7 (-3)

Manager: Sy Gallimore

Years in League: 14

Best Finish: Champ (2x – 2010, 2020)

It’s tough sledding out here, folks.

I’d just like to go on record as saying, I stand behind my draft. It was great, considering 2021 performances. In fact, this team is VERY deep from 2021 standards.

But, dang-it, it’s 2022.

Aaron Rodgers,Chris Godwin and the Rams defense have underperformed, Najee Harris and James Connor are only averaging 7 points per game, first pick Ja’Marr Chase is averaging 8, AJ Brown is averaging 9, and George Kittle has 7.9 points… ON THE SEASON.

The only way Pewter Pirates has scored as many as it has this season is because of a slew of S-VPs (Semi-Valuable Players) Josh Jacobs, Miles Sanders, Breece Hall and Gerald Everett.

Bye-bye season and bye-bye Diamond fantasy rating. Just settling in for the long-haul at this point.

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