Long overdue: a quick rundown of some of the most noteworthy teams and managers, followed by a final view of the playoff brackets.

BEST TEAM NAMES

1. Woody on my Johnson (Alex DiCarolo) - GM of the Jets

2. Jordanian Putters (Jordan Putt) - Jordan’s name

3. Not Racist Redskins (Jordan Williams) - Washington’s name change

4. HingleMcCringleBerry (Joel Wagness) - iconic Key & Peele video

5. Nacua Matata (Ben Musselman) - the circle of life

6. Fourth & Longwood (Stevie Collins) - where Stevie lives

7. Ship Happens (Sy Gallimore) - famous phrase meets Bucs’ secondary logo

8. The Skatteboys (Eli Robinson) - Eli’s favorite team + show

BEST TEAM LOGOS

1. Jordanian Putters (Jordan Putt)

   

2. I’m sorry Miss Jackson (Keuris Fernandez)

   

3. Lisan al-QB (Alex Chang)

   

4. Air Freier (Josh Shelton)

   

5. Fourth & Longwood (Stevie Collins)

MOST POINTS SCORED

1,878 Points (134 ppg)

Jordan Putt (Jordanian Putters) - Finished 5th in Mettle Division

1,633 Points (117 ppg)

Jordan Breyer (Blitz Zone Jordan Breyer) - Finished 5th in Bedrock Division

1,618 Points (116 ppg)

R.D. Gallant (U Digg it? 7-11) - Finished 2nd in Legacy Division

1,567 Points (112 ppg)

Ben Musselman (Nacua Matata) - Finished 1st in Legacy Division

1,548 Points (111 ppg)

Joe Acosta (Not Your Average Joe) - Finished 2nd in Bedrock Division

FINALIZED PLAYOFF BRACKET RESULTS

HERE’S HOW IT WENT DOWN:

Legacy - D1

ALL HAIL BEN MUSSELMAN.

On the eve of the birth of his first-born, Ben won League Bowl IV. His life will never be the same. Oh, and having a newborn will be meaningful, too.

Ben (Nacua Matata) won a tight, high-scoring affair with R.D. (U Digg it? 7-11). How did he win the title? With the very last waiver wire pick up of the year - what proved to be a championship-winning pick up - swapping D.J. Moore for Luther Burden III, who scored 16 points over projected in a 12-point championship win. Ben joins Tim Cook, Alex DiCarolo, and J.B. as one of our Relegation Football League champs.

On the other side, it was a heartbreaking runner-up finish for R.D., whose 6-game winning streak came to an end in the championship game.

The third place game was an ugly slugfest between two teams surprised to be there, with Zach Dye (Purdy Average) topping Jimmy Bunch (TL;DR) in a game in which neither team could crack 90 points.

Mettle - D2

Mettle Division proved one of three things (and I’m not entirely sure which):

1. That our middle tier is the most competitive in the entire league

2. That it ain’t over until it’s over (cue: Kevin Garnett’s “Anything is Possible” track)

3. That fantasy football is a sham

Inexplicably, the five lowest scoring teams in Mettle Division (the only teams averaging fewer than 100 points per game) finished:

• First: Daniel Monnier (Monnier) - a true worst-to-first turnaround during the season to secure back-to-back promotions from Bedrock up to Legacy

• Second: Campbell Wurl (Nicoco Puffs) - rode Kyle Pitts to an unprecedented second team to secure back-to-back promotions from Bedrock up to Legacy

• Fourth: Jordan Williams (Not Racist Redskins) - went from nearly relegated in the final week of the season to just missing out on promotion on the final day of the playoffs

• Eleventh: Keuris Fernandez (I’m sorry Miss Jackson) - now feeling the misery of back-to-back relegations after a promising promotion to Legacy the season before last.

• Twelfth: Ryan Tidwell (Dak Dak Goose) - a promising start fell apart and now faces relegation to Bedrock

Mind melting stuff.

The only promotion favorite that managed to actually be promoted was Alex Chang (Lisan al-QB) who saved all sanity and won the third-place game to secure a spot in Legacy next season.

Bedrock - D3

(Mostly) Status Quo.

Bedrock Division’s first-round upsets (R.I.P. Jordan Breyer) eventually amounted to just one surprise promotion bid.

First and Second went to Joel Wagness (HingleMcCringleberry) and Joe Acosta (Not Your Average Joe), who both had paced the division during the season.

The one surprise? Alejandro Sanchez (Alejandro’s Super Succulents) making a shocking push to make the playoffs, and then beat a top seed (Jordan Breyer) to position themselves to upset Miguel Garcia (Baker’s Dozen) for the last promotion spot.

HERE’S A FULL VIEW OF FINAL POSITIONS FOR ALL 36 TEAMS

Following all of that:

HERE’S AN EARLY PREVIEW OF NEXT YEAR’S DIVISION LINEUPS:

Note that Stevie Collins, Sam Adams, and Joey Eugene will be kicked from the league following their performance unless they can submit a compelling enough case to say via an Eviction Appeal document to the Office of the Commissioner (good luck).

And with that, I’ll say thank you to all of you for a fantastic, competitive season, and wish you all a great off-season before we run it back for Year 5.

-Commish

//

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FULL FIRST ROUND RESULTS (D1 - D3)

PLAYOFF BRACKETS (D1 - D3)

FULL LEAGUE RESULTS

Legacy - D1

Fighting to Win League Bowl IV:

#1 R.D. Gallant - U Digg It? 7-11, 10-4

#4 Ben Musselman - Nacua Matata, 8-6

#6 Jimmy Bunch - TL;DR, 8-6

#7 Zach Dye - Purdy Average, 7-7

Relegated:

#10 Keaton Smith - Maye Cause Drowsiness, 6-8

#11 Josh Shelton - Air Freier, 4-10

#12 Cody Morford - Bo Me, 2-12

How we got here:

#1 R.D. Gallant (U Digg It? 7-11, 10-4) staved off a valiant effort from #8 Hit Squad Nathan to make it to the final four.

#4 Ben Musselman (Nacua Matata, 8-6) overwhelmed #5 Ryan Johnson (‘s Rad Team, 8-6) with seven of nine starters scoring 10+ points a 40-point blowout.

Zach Dye (Purdy Average, 7-11) saved his season by getting a win in Week 14 to secure the 7th seed. A loss would have meant relegation to Mettle next season. Then, in the first round of the playoffs, Zach knocked off #2 J.B. (Jonathan’s Amazing Team, 10-4) in a shocking upset.

It was the first of two upsets, with #6 Jimmy Bunch (TL;DR, 8-6) also taking down #3 Alex DiCarolo (Woody on my Johnson, 9-5).

Mettle - D2

Fighting for Promotion:

#3 Daniel Monnier - Monnier, 8-6

#4 Alex Chang - Lisan al-QB, 8-6

#7 Campbell Wurl - Nicoco Puffs, 7-7

#8 Jordan Williams - Not Racist Redskins, 7-7

Relegated:

#10 Sy Gallimore - Ship Happens, 6-8

#11 Keuris Fernandez - I’m sorry Miss Jackson, 5-9

#12 Ryan Tidwell - Dak Dak Goose, 4-10

How we got here:

Despite having a 18-point lead in projected scoring, #6 Ian Svendsen (Ian’s Ingenious Team, 7-7) fell to #3 Daniel Monnier (Monnier, 8-6).

#7 Campbell Wurl (Nicoco Puffs, 7-7) upset #2 Kyler Stock (Kyler’s Splendid Team) before a single one of Kyler’s players started playing because of Kyle Pitts’s massive Thursday night performance of 40 points. Campbell won by 28.

The best game of any of the first-round matchups across the league was #4 Alex Chang (Lisan al-QB, 8-6)’s nail-biting 1.22-point win over #5 Tim Cook (Jets May Win Someday). It all came down to the Monday night game and truly could have gone either way in the 4th quarter.

What the heck, I’m going to include myself because I’m pissed about it. My team, Ship Happens, cruised to victory in Week 14 and wound up with the 5th highest point total in the league of the course of the season. In spite of that, I was still in need of help - heavy-favorite Ian Svendsen (Ian’s Ingenious Team, 7-7) needed to beat Jordan Williams (Not Racist Redskins, 7-7) to help me avoid relegation. Jordan only scored 80 points, so that shouldn’t have been a problem. But Ian crapped the bed and only scored 70. So here we are.

I guess it’s okay, though, because #8 Jordan Williams went on to upset #1 Jordan Putt (Jordanian Putters, 11-3) in the first round - perhaps the largest upset in league history given the Jordanian Putters dominance across all three divisions this season.

Bedrock

Fighting for Promotion:

#1 Joe Acosta - Not Your Average Joe, 12-2

#3 Joel Wagness - HingleMcCringleberry, 10-4

#5 Miguel Garcia - Baker’s Dozen, 9-5

#7 Alejandro Sanchez - Alejandro’s Super Succulents, 6-8

Potentially getting kicked from the league entirely next year:

#11 Stevie Collins - Fourth & Longwood, 4-10

#12 Sam Adams - Long Shot Sam, 4-10

#13 Joey Eugene - Joey’s Marvelous Team, 1-12

How we got here:

#1 Joe Acosta (Not Your Average Joe, 12-2) coasted into the final four with a never-in-doubt win over #8 ATL Lemon Peppas.

The second biggest upset of the entire Relegation Fantasy League is none other than #7 Alejandro Sanchez (Alejandro’s Super Succulents, 6-8) knocking off #2 Jordan Breyer (Blitz Zone Jordan Breyer, 11-3) in the first round. Alejandro scored 40 points more than his projected to squeeze past Jordan by a whopping 4.14 points…in spite of not setting his lineup with an RB2.

#3 Joel Wagness (HingleMcCringleberry, 10-4) won an underwhelming affair against #6 Jayson Rhea (Jayson’s First-Rate Team, 7-7).

#5 Miguel Garcia (Baker’s Dozen, 9-5) upset #4 Eli Robinson (The Skatteboys, 10-4), mostly due to Kyle Pitts’s huge game.

Worth noting: Stevie Collins (Fourth & Longwood, 4-10) was desperately trying to make the playoffs instead of playing it safe to avoid relegation and texted then-11th-seed Alex Soares (Cool Drive Alex, 5-9) to set his lineup. The thought process was that if Alex won and Stevie won, Stevie would sneak into the 8th seed. Well, Alex did his end of the bargain, but Stevie lost, sending him into 10th and in danger of being kicked out of the league altogether.

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The article starts with me rambling about the season ending, gets way too detailed about who’s locked into the playoffs/relegation and which fantasy matchups will determine final positioning and then ends with a final tiers breakdown of all of you. Feel free to read every word I’ve spent the time to write for you skip to what you’re most interested in.

Fellas, this is it. I’ve got a baby coming tomorrow, and in all likelihood, this will be the last you’ll hear from me this season.

But, for what it’s worth, it’s been quite the season. There’s been good competition, storylines, and the makings for an exciting finish. Week 14 will be the final regular season week, and there is so much still on the line.

In fact, there are some wild scenarios in which 7th seeds are in danger of dropping 4 spots on the final week and being relegated; two divisions will have a 6-8 team relegated.

On the flip side, some guys aren’t worried at all - except about titles:

• Legacy. R.D. Gallant and Ryan Johnson are both trying to win their first League Bowl championship, while J.B(ahn). and Alex DiCarolo each are vying for their second title in league history.

• Mettle. Jordan Putt and the Jordanian Putters have scored 1740 points this year. That’s 219 points more than the next closest team out of all 36 guys in the late this year (Jordan Breyer’s Blitz Zone - Bedrock Division, 1521 points). They currently lead Mettle, and are most likely to be joined by Kyler Stock (Kyler’s Splendid Team) and Alex Chang (Lisan al-QB) in promotion to Legacy.

• Bedrock. While there are five teams in the mix, Joe Acosta (Not Your Average Joe), Jordan Breyer (‘s Blitz Zone), and Joel Wagness (HingleMcCringleberry) are the most likely to earn promotion to Mettle next season.

With all of that said, before I show you the final tiers of the season, make sure you’re tuned in to what are going to be the most pivotal games around the league this week.

PLAYOFF SCENARIOS

Legacy

What’s Still Up For Grabs: Two playoff spots, one relegation spot

All but four teams in the division already know their fate:

1. J.B. - Jonathan’s Amazing Team, 10-3

2. R.D. Gallant - U Digg It? 7-11, 9-4

3. Alex DiCarolo - Woody on my Johnson, 9-4

4. Ryan Johnson Ryan Johnson’s Rad Team, 8-5

5. Jimmy Bunch - TL;DR, 8-5

6. Ben Musselman - Nacua Matata, 7-6

Moving down to Mettle Division next year:

11. Josh Shelton - Air Freier, 3-10

12. Cody Morford - Bo Me, 2-11

Key Matchups To Keep Tabs On:

Keaton Smith (Maye Cause Drowsiness) secures 7th seed with a win, but could miss the playoffs with a loss + Zach Dye (Purdy Average) or Michael Schultz (Sweet Carolina) win, and could be relegated with a loss + Zach Dye and Michael Schultz wins.

Nathan Clute (Hit Squad Nathan) secures 7th seed with a win, misses the playoffs but avoids relegation with a loss + Michael Schultz (Sweet Carolina) loss, or gets relegated with a loss + Michael Schultz win.

While a win will secure Zach Dye (Purdy Average) a playoff spot, a loss could very easily mean being relegated, despite having 6 wins. Zach needs either Nathan Clute (Hit Squad Nathan) or Michael Schultz (Sweet Caroline) to lose in order to stay out of the relegation zone. Both are projected to win this week.

Michael Schultz (Sweet Carolina) avoids relegation with a win, and can make the playoffs with a win + Zach Dye (Purdy Average) loss.

Mettle

What’s Still Up For Grabs: Five playoff spots, one relegation spot

Yes, you read that right. Only five teams officially know their fate going into the final week:

1. Jordan Putt - Jordanian Putters, 10-3

2. Kyler Stock - Kyler’s Splendid Team, 8-5

3. Daniel Monnier - Monnier, 8-5

Moving down to Bedrock next year:

11. Ryan Tidwell - Dak Dak Goose, 4-9

12. Keuris Fernandez - I’m sorry Miss Jackson, 4-9

But, based on point differentials, we can essentially also lock in the following:

4. Alex Chang - Lisan al-QB, 7-6

5. Ian Svendsen - Ian’s Ingenious Team, 7-6

Key Matchups To Keep Tabs On:

A win will secure Campbell (Nicoco Puffs) a playoff spot. A loss could drop them all the way out of the playoff race entirely if Julio (Silence of the Lamb), Tim (Jets May Win Someday), and Jordan (Jordan’s Crazy Team) all pick up wins.

A win will secure Julio (Silence of the Lamb) a playoff spot. A loss could drop them out of the playoffs - without risk of relegation - if Tim (Jets May Win Someday) and Jordan (Jordan’s Crazy Team) pick up wins.

A win will secure Tim (Jets May Win Someday) a playoff spot. A loss + a Jordan (Jordan’s Crazy Team) win will mean Tim falls out of the playoffs, but stays above the relegation cut line.

Jordan can avoid relegation with a win or a Sy (Ship Happens) loss. With a win AND a Campbell (Nicoco Puffs), Julio (Silence of the Lamb) or Tim (Jets May Win Someday) loss, Jordan can make the playoffs.

Sy has to beat Monnier and have Jordan (Jordan’s Crazy Team) lose in order to avoid relegation.

Bedrock

What’s Still Up For Grabs: One playoff spot, one relegation spot

This division’s playoff outlook is pretty set. Locked into the playoffs:

1. Joe Acosta - Not Your Average Joe, 11-2

2. Jordan Breyer - Blitz Zone Jordan Breyer, 10-3

3. Joel Wagness - HingleMcCringleberry, 10-3

4. Eli Robinson - The Skatteboys, 9-4

5. Miguel Garcia - Baker’s Dozen, 8-5

6. Jayson Rhea - Jayson’s First-Rate Team, 6-7

7. Alejandro Sanchez - Alejandro’s Super Succulents, 6-7

Getting kicked from the league next year:

12. Joey Eugene - Joey’s Marvelous Team, 1-12

Key Matchups To Keep Tabs On:

There’s only one playoff spot still open, and it’ll be fought for between Jason Meredith (ATL Lemon Peppas, 5-8) and Stevie Collins (Fourth & Longwood, 4-9). A Jason loss and Stevie win will mean Stevie sneaks into a playoff spot.

At the same time, Sam Adams (Long Shot Sam, 4-9) and Alex Soares (Cool Drive Alex, 4-9) are attempting to avoid being kicked from the league by getting a win and praying for Stevie (Fourth & Longwood, 4-9) to lose.

WEEK 13 TIERS

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FULL LEAGUE RESULTS

FULL LEAGUE RESULTS

FULL LEAGUE RESULTS

FULL LEAGUE RESULTS

Ironically, the last time I did a Tiers + Power Ranking combo edition was exactly this time last year, also coming off of a bad bout of the flu and some crazy fevers. That said, it’s probably best not to anticipate getting another combo issue until 2026. There are 36 of you after all - this crap takes some time.

I had to adjust the tiers again for this edition. There are still eight tiers, but one is reserved for just one of the 36 managers: the “Manager of the First Half” as it were.

A lot of movement already in our third tiers edition of the season; 66% of teams moved tier levels (albeit, renamed).

(full power rankings below the tiers)

FULL POWER RANKINGS

IMAGINE THE 2007 PATRIOTS, BUT THEY BEAT THE GIANTS 75-0

1. Jordanian Putters (Jordan Putt) - Mettle Division

BEST OF THE REST

2. Jonathan’s Amazing Team (JB Bahn) - Legacy Division

3. HingleMcCringleberry (Joel Wagness) - Bedrock Division

4. Blitz Zone Jordan Breyer (Jordan Breyer) - Bedrock Division

5. U Digg it? 7-11 (RD Gallant) - Legacy Division

6. Lisan al-QB (Alex Chang) - Mettle Division

TROPHY / PROMOTION FAVORITES

7. Ryan Johnson’s Rad Team (Ryan Johnson) - Legacy Division

8. The Skatteboys (Eli Robinson) - Bedrock Division

9. Not Your Average Joe (Joe Acosta) - Bedrock Division

10. Hit Squad Nathan (Nathan Clute) - Legacy Division

11. Kyler’s Splendid Team (Kyler Stock) - Mettle Division

12. Ian’s Ingenious Team (Ian Svendsen) - Mettle Division

WILDCARD & DANGEROUS

13. Baker’s Dozen (Miguel Garcia) - Bedrock Division

14. Jets May Win Someday (Tim Cook) - Mettle Division

15. Maye Cause Drowsiness (Keaton Smith) - Legacy Division

16. Dak Dak Goose (Ryan Tidwell) - Mettle Division

17. Jayson’s First-Rate Team (Jayson Rhea) - Bedrock Division

18. Woody on my Johnson (Alex DiCarolo) - Legacy Division

KIRK COUSINS

19. Nacua Matata (Ben Musselman) - Legacy Division

20. Long Shot Sam (Sam Adams) - Bedrock Division

21. Monnier (Daniel Monnier) - Mettle Division

22. Nicoco Puffs (Campbell Wurl) - Mettle Division

23. TL;DR (Jimmy Bunch) - Legacy Division

GOOD, BUT ANGERED THE FANTASY GODS

24. ATL Lemon Peppas (Jason Meredith) - Bedrock Division

25. Silence of the Lamb (Julio Hernandez) - Mettle Division

26. Sweet Carolina (Michael Schultz) - Legacy Division

TIM TEBOW

27. I’m sorry Miss Jackson (Keuris Fernandez) - Mettle Division

28. Purdy Average (Zach Dye) - Legacy Division

TRYING TO ESCAPE RELEGATION

29. Ship Happens (Sy Gallimore) - Mettle Division

30. Fourth & Longwood (Stevie Collins) - Bedrock Division

31. Alejandro’s Super Succulents (Alejandro Sanchez) - Bedrock Division

32. Air Freier (Joshuwa Shelton) - Legacy Division

33. Jordan’s Crazy Team (Jordan Williams) - Mettle Division

MEGA BOOTY JUICE

34. Bo Me (Cody Morford) - Legacy Division

35. Cool Drive Alex (Alex Chang) - Bedrock Division

36. Joey’s Marvelous Team (Joey Eugene) - Bedrock Division

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FULL LEAGUE RESULTS

FULL LEAGUE RESULTS

FULL LEAGUE RESULTS

FULL LEAGUE RESULTS

FULL LEAGUE RESULTS

Well, this edition has 9 - so I’m probably doing something wrong. I’ve assessed your teams, their performances, and yes, even the injuries. In my best estimation, this is where you fall today:

And if you’re wondering who’s who so you can send them a loving text about how well their team is doing, go look at the previous post.

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WHO AM I PLAYING AGAINST?

There are 36 guys playing and there are bound to be folks you don’t know playing amidst the various leagues. I get to be the lucky one that knows each and every one of you. But, for the rest of you, some introductions and credentials:

FULL LEAGUE RESULTS

WELCOME

Welcome to the Relegation Fantasy League’s Week 1 results. If this is your first time here, consider this your opportunity to see how things are shaping up across the three divisions of the relegation league and where you stack up amongst our 36 teams. As a reminder, the tiers are as follows: Legacy is our D1, Mettle D2, and Bedrock D3.

APPROPRIATE REACTIONS

Normally, Week 1 is the perfect time to overact to our fantasy teams - an opportunity to freak out about our favorite draft picks only seeing 3 snaps in the first week, or deciding that a Week 1 injury is going to undo the entire season.

But we’re seasoned vets here, right? We’re not going to overreact in the first week. We know it’s in our best interest to go ahead and cancel our trade proposals and close the app. We’ll be responsible. We will.

That said, being appropriately alarmed is still allowed. And while I won’t overreact to your Week 1s, there are a few of you that I will appropriately react to:

1. Old fandom dies hard, huh? U Digg It? 7-11 (Legacy - RD Gallant) - Started 4 Cowboys this week. Guess how that went?

2. >125 point clubs aren’t that good. Ok, Not Your Average Joe (Bedrock - Joe Acosta) might be. But, do you know what the common thread was between EACH of the top league scorers in each league last week? Zay Flowers. So, yeah Derrick Henry is elite, Woody on my Johnson (Legacy - Alex DiCarolo), and yeah, Justin Fields looked shockingly good, Kyler’s Splendid Team (Mettle - Kyler Stock), and, yeah maybe your team is just stacked Not Your Average Joe, but I’d bet my left nut Zay Flowers isn’t keeping that type of production up every week. Zay Flowers owners across the three divisions averaged 129 points. How much do you trust the guy?

3. <71 point clubs aren’t that bad. Bo Nix Fan Club (Legacy - Cody Morford) got a whopping 15 points from Bo Nix, AJ Brown, Terry McLaurin and Mark Andrews. And, granted, Joey’s Marvelous Team (Bedrock - Joey Eugene) forgot to play a kicker, but it wouldn’t have mattered as their decent-on-paper team wet the bed and scored less than half as many points as their opponent Not Your Average Joe.

4. Promotees came to play. Our three new D1s and three new D2s went 4-2 in their debuts. Heck, even our six brand-new-to-the-league D3 folks went 3-3.

5. Drafting for upside backfires early. In Week 1, Monnier (Mettle - Dan Monnier) started two rookies, two sophomores, two old “good value” vets, and Drake London, who fantasy gurus have salivated over for the better part of two years while somehow ignoring that he’s on the Falcons. That upside may pan out down the road, but Week 1 was tough sledding for Monnier, who found himself with the fewest points in Mettle Division heading into Week 2.

FULL LEAGUE RESULTS